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More severe mental health problems can interfere with ones life. Getting a handle on them takes time- admitting you need help through counseling and excepting those problems as such takes courage. Its the only path forward. Throughout my life I have had Generalized Anxiety disorder which I can remember effecting me from a small child up to adult hood. This has played much havoc with me. Also I have different levels of depression. To make matters even more difficult I have 3 traits of borderline personality disorder- this also has caused me real problems from employment to personal relationships. The positive thing today is that after 2 years of therapy, I have come to understand what has happened to me- not blame others, have compassion with myself- and move forward. These issues will not go away- some medications will 'balance' you some- but learning skills of coping and adjusting will help the most in the end. I am recovering from all of this- its not easy. But personal pride and motivation on my part can help one make significant changes.
Thanks for the replies. Yes, I did try very very hard, through the years, to get her any/all help available, but she wouldn't avail herself of anything. Thus the reason(s) we're where we are today, unfortunately.
And to the other poster, ... I think, in some ways, she is happier not being in touch w/us. I think life is a lot harder for her, materially speaking, ... not that we were building a cushion under her, at all. But, ... she barely eeks out any existence at all, going from job to job, and a lot of times, unemployed. I worry that she's hungry, at least I used to know she was fed, if she needed to be. I worry that she's cold. I used to know that she had clothes, at least, because I'd buy them for her. But I think there is a part of her, that is almost happier not having to "front" in our presence. She simply isn't, in our presence, anymore.
It's hard to reconcile yourself to this as the reality of the situation we live. I don't know that I ever will.
I know, for myself, if I can just shelve the worry over whether she's hungry, whether she's cold, if she's homeless, .... if I can just shelve that, I'm okay. I don't miss her drama that she brought far too often. I don't miss the mess that is her life. I don't miss the vile person she could be, and the volatility. I welcome the calm that we enjoy now, without her around.
Your adult daughter has rejected help. Have you found support for you and the rest of your family?
Your experience is shared by many and you might benefit from their support. They will understand the desperation and helplessness that you feel for your child.
I have a family member with Bipolar. I attempted to help, pressured a bit to get psych help, and I decided for my own good to terminate relations. This person takes more from my life than they ever gave and it's just too toxic. And yes he refuses meds and believes if he prays to god enough he will be healed.
A lot of folks I know of with mental heath issues need space and quiet time away from the public. They get overwhelmed and when their stress goes high they go psychotic. When psychosis goes extreme my family member will go into a rage and real close to violence. I came close to having him arrested for his own good. I regret I didn't. Now he is left alone, and comes out when he is comfortable.
NAMI was a lifesaver for me. I had gotten so sucked into the abyss, so co-dependent in the situation. They were the group, their self help groups, that actually gave me permission and helped me to see, that I can remove myself from it. It was enormously helpful.
It's been many eons since I was involved in their local self help chapter but it was enormously helpful. Highly recommend it.
I love my sisters but I don't have anything to do with them. they don't see my mental illness and only seen me manic happy and think I am the life and soul. I hid when in depression from my sisters, not my dad he is the main cause of this . A depressive himself would not admit, it would not help me his own son, my sisters cannot believe I am talking about the same man. OKAY I don't want to here how great my dad was when he wasn't, he hurt my mom mentally and was a total BASTARD.
I came upon this thread by accident when googling "estranged from family.' I understand that many of you might be offended by odd behavior of your "mentally ill" relatives but maybe you should hear my side of the story.
I went to get "professional" help for what was really a minor issue in 1981 and was misheard and misdiagnosed for years. They made me worse, not better. Unfortunately, the effects of the "treatment" was worse than the ailment. Getting locked up (prison, essentially) was traumatizing. Even worse, I lost my entire college career, where I had been a stellar student, bound for success. What was worse, now, these incompetent "doctors" now said I would be on "disability" for life, and dependent on them, needy forever, and probably in and out of hospitals and die if I didn't continue with their "treatment." The worst of it was that the doctors told my family to DISENGAGE from me, that they should go on with their lives and emotionally detach, that I was a hopeless case, that likely I would spend the rest of my life institutionalized.
I don't blame your kids for ditching the drugs and their diagnoses. I did that, and it was the best decision I ever made. I relocated a number of times to ensure I was free of those who saw me as a sicko, and I started over. My medical records did not follow me. Now I work as an activist (note: not "advocate") working on human rights causes, helping others realize the following;
Mental illness is only in the eye of the beholder.
You can go to ten doctors, and get ten different diagnoses. A totally sane person can go into a mental hospital and be kept there for weeks, seen as crazy, and this, too, was proven quite some time back. You are as nuts as you believe yourself to be, and as wacko as others around you see you as. Call yourself a nut, and you will be one. Don't use those clinical words, don't act like one, and you will not be one.
Yeah, when my depression was undiagnosed, it ruined my relationship with my closest friends, parents, and brother. My mom and I will never have the same relationship again. And as far as my friends go, some have understood and we're talking again, but it will never be like before. My dad and brother love me unconditionally.
Same for me, Pinkmani
Both my parents died before I was able to make great strides with medications...
Far too much and too sordid, all the details, but suffice it to say we have a broken family, because of mental illness.
Anyone else have that situation and how have you dealt with it?
Broken, meaning, the daughter who is mentally ill (she has never been one to comply with medications, which would set her more to the center of normal behaviors/attitude/demeanor) ... is estranged from the family, including us, her parents, and her siblings.
Adult daughter is not what you would call "functional". Can't keep a job, never has been able to, spent numerous years on SS Disability, but at some point decided her problems weren't her's, they were ours .. that we drugged/oppressed, stiffled her, etc. Went off all meds, .. (meds she never really consistently stuck with), and began in earnest to find a job (not a even a high school grad, she quit high school). She has bounced from menial job to menial job since.
Rather than go into the whole sordid mess which would take pages and pages to describe, .. suffice it to say, she is far too volatile, too vile, and has caused much emotional pain to the members of her family and no one wants her around, and she doesn't seem to want to be around, other than what she can take/ask for (materially speaking).
Anybody else have those shoes to wear? How do you deal with it?
Sorry you and your family and your daughter must deal with this....it's painful for everyone.
But kudos for starting the thread and discussion...
I have a mother is narcissistic, a father who is BPD( borderline personality disorder) an aunt is narcissistic psychopath ( she practically lived with us) and a brother who is also BPD. i'm not exaggerating at all, my family members were all diagnosed with all of those mental issues. mental health runs in my family and there were constant bridges being burned down between multiple family members, it was terrible.
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