Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I kind of feel that for me, I tend to come off as too serious or not fun or upbeat enough. The other women are all so...giggly, lol. And loud and bubbly. And I'm not like that, never was. I'll be friendly and smile, but I need to find something really funny to burst out laughing, so I feel like others see me as boring and not entertaining enough. Yet with people I know well I have no problem laughing and cracking jokes and I have a good sense of humor - I just can't act the same way with people I just met, and even when I try I end up not being heard or ignored and then I just feel like an idiot. So I stay quiet and smile politely and I guess people just think I'm stuck up or just boring. I had the same problem at job interviews too; even when I was qualified and answered everything 'right', I felt employers were just forgetting me because I was, well, forgettable. I didn't have that bubbly personality and upbeat tone and I could see they already forgot who I was 30 seconds into the meeting. And the hard I try to sound 'confident' and casual and upbeat, the more forced and fake I end up sounding, it's a catch-22. I'm like one of those people that people say 'have no personality' - yet I definitely DO around loved ones, just not with people I meet or want to impress.
I truly, truly enjoyed reading everyone's posts on this topic. I often feel the same way many of you do. Sometimes, I question my methods of dealing with people. "Am I being too direct?" and, "Am I being compassionate enough?" I feel as if I over analyze most things, and generally look at situations differently than many, so I definitely commiserate with you all here. Sometimes I feel like an alien on Earth, like my people left me here or something...lol, I'm kidding, but seriously. I think I am very kind. I take in stray animals all the time because they just seem to come to me. I was recently heartbroken because a good dog that I had taken in, kids got attached to her and all...was spotted by her owner when I was out walking her. Kind of surprised me that I was willing to hand her over so easily because this dog and I really formed a bond over the two months she spent with us. But, he had proof she was his...including several pictures of his adorable 3 y/o daughter hugged up when napping. It pained me just as much to know that little girl and her family was missing their beloved pet for 2 months. But still, even after I said "Sure, come get your dog, just let my kids say goodbye to her first." he looked all mad at me. What gives? I even handed over all the expensive products I bought for her, I sought no payment...but was rolling his eyes really necessary? I feel like a loser sometimes.
Wow. HE sounds like the loser. What a difficult thing that surely was for you and your kids....sorry to hear it.
I do not like small talk. I do not like gossip. I do not like superficial ppl.
That's all I had to read, in order to fully understand what the problem is. People don't want to be challenged by your desire to talk about things that require thinking. Consider this adage:
Small minds talk about people.
Middling minds talk about things.
Great minds talk about ideas.
You can add to that: Mindless people talk about what they saw on TV.
The world is really top-heavy on small-minded (and mindless) people, who don't want you messing with their comfy little ignorance.
Google Aspergers, look at the list of characteristics. If at least three of them ring a bell with you, that might be the reason why people back away from you. Most adult Aspies feel the way you do, but there was no such thing way back when, so they were just thrown into school and society, to learn to swim dodging the whirlpools, so nobody ever suggested to them that they might be borderline autistic.
Here's what happens in an Aspie's conversation. Once a topic comes up, the Aspie wants to cling to it and keep on exploring it, and turning it over and looking at from every angle. The non-Aspie will roll their eyes, and want to change the subject. Does that happen to you?
I can "feel" people's feelings too, I have had to be quiet about it because it freaks people out when I can see things or what the feel. They really get freaked out, I thought it was something that just anyone could do or mostly women, but I guess I was wrong. Is this a gift you think?
Hey there,
No it is not a gift. I wish I was less sensitive than I am. I tend to absorb "feelings" around me and when they are not quite positive, as it is most of the times, I feel them as a burden. I wish I would not see and care about what others think.
Interestingly enough various personality tests described me like this - overly intuitive and sensitive. Up until recently I have never paid attention to this issue. As somebody mentioned here, I thought that everyone is the same, especially females.
Anyway, my only hope is to get a job (to find a professor position) that gives me a lot of autonomy. I lost long time ago the hope of finding people that I can get genuinely along with .
That's all I had to read, in order to fully understand what the problem is. People don't want to be challenged by your desire to talk about things that require thinking. Consider this adage:
Small minds talk about people.
Middling minds talk about things.
Great minds talk about ideas.
You can add to that: Mindless people talk about what they saw on TV.
The world is really top-heavy on small-minded (and mindless) people, who don't want you messing with their comfy little ignorance.
Oh yes, that!
Over the last 20 years or so I've been starved for intelligent conversation, with anyone at all. No one seems willing or capable of it anymore. Gossip about others seems to be the major topic of conversation among people now, with sports, TV shows, music, and movies following up.
It's a very lonely world if you don't care about those topics.
I kind of feel that for me, I tend to come off as too serious or not fun or upbeat enough. The other women are all so...giggly, lol. And loud and bubbly. And I'm not like that, never was. I'll be friendly and smile, but I need to find something really funny to burst out laughing, so I feel like others see me as boring and not entertaining enough. Yet with people I know well I have no problem laughing and cracking jokes and I have a good sense of humor - I just can't act the same way with people I just met, and even when I try I end up not being heard or ignored and then I just feel like an idiot. So I stay quiet and smile politely and I guess people just think I'm stuck up or just boring. I had the same problem at job interviews too; even when I was qualified and answered everything 'right', I felt employers were just forgetting me because I was, well, forgettable. I didn't have that bubbly personality and upbeat tone and I could see they already forgot who I was 30 seconds into the meeting. And the hard I try to sound 'confident' and casual and upbeat, the more forced and fake I end up sounding, it's a catch-22. I'm like one of those people that people say 'have no personality' - yet I definitely DO around loved ones, just not with people I meet or want to impress.
It seems there are people out in the world like me... or similar in some way. I was always a logical honest guy that tried to make since of everything, debater, tend to help others, tryed to stay away from bad people and probably alot more sensitive then i care to admit.. i been feeling greatly let down by my friends and family and have been cutting everyone off one by one for as long as i can remember and now i am alone naturally.. lol the ones i haven’t cut off i pushed them away with my crazy thoughts and insecurities. it seems like even the ones that do check on me have some hidden agenda or just trying to make gossip to others in the circle i was in. it seems i was always only social when i went out for drinks, which caused other issues (dui's) so now im a complete wreck. i am living with my parents who i believe my father is looking for any possible reason to put me on the street and i am hanging on with a thin string (which my mother is holding). i watch shows an movies all day and it seems the only place to get a good smile at times, I was playing an online game all day for a year till i ran all my friends away from there as well. So now im broke loneyly in rl and virtual world. i stay locked in my room. i can feel me drowning everyone i talk to in sorrow, or bordum when im trying to shield it. i see myself thinking more negative about me and the world as every day passes. I have come to a point where i realize how pathetic i am. but weirdly i believe society is pushing me into this state and kicking me further down since im not eye lvl. after reading this [url=http://www.minddisorders.com/Kau-Nu/Negative-symptoms.html?Comments]Negative symptoms - effects, withdrawal, examples, person, used, brain, Definition, Description[/url][do]=mod&Comments[id]=3#Comments_3 i think i know what is wrong.. now i just need to fix it...
That's all I had to read, in order to fully understand what the problem is. People don't want to be challenged by your desire to talk about things that require thinking. Consider this adage:
Small minds talk about people.
Middling minds talk about things.
Great minds talk about ideas.
You can add to that: Mindless people talk about what they saw on TV.
The world is really top-heavy on small-minded (and mindless) people, who don't want you messing with their comfy little ignorance.
Google Aspergers, look at the list of characteristics. If at least three of them ring a bell with you, that might be the reason why people back away from you. Most adult Aspies feel the way you do, but there was no such thing way back when, so they were just thrown into school and society, to learn to swim dodging the whirlpools, so nobody ever suggested to them that they might be borderline autistic.
Here's what happens in an Aspie's conversation. Once a topic comes up, the Aspie wants to cling to it and keep on exploring it, and turning it over and looking at from every angle. The non-Aspie will roll their eyes, and want to change the subject. Does that happen to you?
Here's what happens in an Aspie's conversation. Once a topic comes up, the Aspie wants to cling to it and keep on exploring it, and turning it over and looking at from every angle. The non-Aspie will roll their eyes, and want to change the subject. Does that happen to you?
It happened to me again recently. This time it was at work. There is a small group of us who started there at the same time. We all have to pass the same test to promote. The others all got together during the work day to prep for the test, and I wasn't invited. Why? Am i not fun enough or interesting enough even to study with? I don't know.
And, no, I am not an Aspie.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
