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How can Alanon help a person that has given that person everything in my body to give? My Doc said I had caregiver burnout. What can I do about that ? He still can't/won't do for himself. How can they help MMMEEEEE
Some of us learn many things in Alanon: like setting limits, not being responsible for the other person's feelings/behavior and most importantly, how to make adjustments in yourself to help you. Going to Alanon was one of the most eye-opening, core-shaking things I have ever done in my life. I am forever grateful for the help. Please give it a chance.
Some of us learn many things in Alanon: like setting limits, not being responsible for the other person's feelings/behavior and most importantly, how to make adjustments in yourself to help you. Going to Alanon was one of the most eye-opening, core-shaking things I have ever done in my life. I am forever grateful for the help. Please give it a chance.
I will try to find one in this one horse town with no stoplight....
She tried to go when she first met me but I was sober and recovered in A.A. at the time. She said to me "I wouldn't put up with it. If you ever treated me like those folks' SOs do, you'd be down the road."
She saw them as a bunch of victims. I tried to tell her that maybe not all of them work their program and maybe some of them have a ways to go.
My question to the SO of an alcoholic, what attracted you to them in the first place? Surely you weren't forced into the relationship at gunpoint? Did you miss a sign or two? If so, why no boundaries as time passed? There's always the door over there. It still swings both ways right?
And if not, maybe they were perfect when you met them. Is this the case? If so, does that suggest they became alky on your watch? Don't make much sense does it? Also, have you ever attracted or been attracted to a normie?
I like a book by Melody Beatty, Codependent No More.
She tried to go when she first met me but I was sober and recovered in A.A. at the time. She said to me "I wouldn't put up with it. If you ever treated me like those folks' SOs do, you'd be down the road."
She saw them as a bunch of victims. I tried to tell her that maybe not all of them work their program and maybe some of them have a ways to go.
My question to the SO of an alcoholic, what attracted you to them in the first place? Surely you weren't forced into the relationship at gunpoint? Did you miss a sign or two? If so, why no boundaries as time passed? There's always the door over there. It still swings both ways right?
And if not, maybe they were perfect when you met them. Is this the case? If so, does that suggest they became alky on your watch? Don't make much sense does it? Also, have you ever attracted or been attracted to a normie?
I like a book by Melody Beatty, Codependent No More.
Those questions are useless to a codie because what attracted them to the alkie in the first place was their need to control and fix and have someone provide the crises they need. A codie isn't going to be attracted to a healthy person to begin with. They don't realize that there is something wrong with seeing the world this way. They are SUPPOSED to be able to fix and control and most importantly, the problem is all someone else. Of course they can't do the impossible and so the cycle goes on and on until they learn something different and make real change within THEMSELVES.
How can Alanon help a person that has given that person everything in my body to give? My Doc said I had caregiver burnout. What can I do about that ? He still can't/won't do for himself. How can they help MMMEEEEE
It's ALL about you helping you, not helping the alcoholic. They can only help themselves.
Some people actually show up at Al-Anon meetings thinking it's about what they can do to help the alcoholic.
Those questions are useless to a codie because what attracted them to the alkie in the first place was their need to control and fix and have someone provide the crises they need. A codie isn't going to be attracted to a healthy person to begin with. They don't realize that there is something wrong with seeing the world this way.
Bingo. This is a very unfortunate thing and I hope these folks get helped in Alanon or wherever there's hope.
I'd rep MQ and Dog both but I have to spread it
around first. So consider yourselves repped.
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Alanon
