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I've always wanted to live in a bigger city and moved to Houston in July. I never really saw myself as a Texan but I already knew two people, one being a good friend from college and a guy she had introduced me to during a visit and I had kept in contact with. I ended up getting a job before I moved. The situation couldn't have been greater.
The person I was coming to Houston compared to the person I am now, six months later, is completely different. I am no longer in contact with the two people I moved here for as disagreements/feelings developed and ultimately ruined friendships and because of that, I am wildly depressed. I'm completely alone, aside from my dog and cat I've adopted to have something moving around the house. I think about suicide often and it's been taking everything in me to get out of bed in the morning and go to work. I don't wear makeup anymore because I cringe looking into the mirror.
I've tried to better my situation by getting a roommate and she moved out three weeks later. I attempted the online meetups/clubs/OkCupid and that essentially was just a few hours of small talk and upon parting, I would try to maintain contact and text messages/phone calls remain unanswered.
Also, I was in a serious car accident a week upon moving here and since then my new car has been broken into twice, I've had men sitting outside my car/apartment door. Just very sketchy stuff.
I would love more than anything to wave the white flag on Houston, pack everything up, and go back home (1,000 miles away). Ideally, I would stay with my parents for a few months and actively job hunt. I want to live in a big city again and continue my career, I just need to do it for the right reasons i.e., not for anybody else but myself. This will allow me to get myself back together and in a healthy state of mind, surrounded by familiar faces and people I love. I just don't think I can properly heal being completely alone in a city with so many bad memories.
I would be on the road tomorrow if it weren't for my job. This is my first out of college, professional, career-oriented job. I work full-time, comfortable pay, benefits and it's exactly what I wish to be doing and even what I studied in school. The atmosphere is ok. I work with all men who are much older therefore the communication isn't the best. I'm not exactly sure what my primary role is in the company, and have been vocal about addressing this issue and have simply been given vague answers. However, I truly believe this job is an excellent resume booster and professional portfolio builder as well as great contacts in the media industry..
But outside of work, when it's clock out time, my world is currently very dark. I sit alone with my unhealthy thoughts that are clouded by depression simply due to the fact that I am incredibly lonely. So a part of me feels it's the right thing to do by leaving my job and Houston, but I've only been here 6 months. I'm fully aware of the taboo about quitting too early and being a "job jumper" but when your personal life and sanity are in ruins, is it really worth it?
I genuinely don't think I can move forward in Houston but I'm terrified of giving up on a company that has invested so much into me.
Any advice? And if you're pro quitting and taking care of my emotional health, any thoughts on how to go about it? Thank you for reading this far.
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