Mental Illness and opiates (sleep, recovery, cost, stop)

[Looking for change-123]

Another hope dashed, Latuda didn't work either. I have lost track 8-10 meds over 3 years, numerous breakdowns, and one visit to the ward.

Before I had a full blow break 4 years ago, I finally found peace with opiates. When my family member was dying, when another in crisis, as me, opiates did me right, really.

I really felt good when I took my dying family member's oxy and morphine. It was the best mood stabilizer I have ever seen, no joke. Come back from CPR at ECU with family member, pop an oxy and all good. No need to binge eat, I stop self injuring, and could function. The only reason I stopped was the night she died I knew something bad was going to happen she refused ER, and I just kept taking oxy until I felt right. I Od'd that night.

So I got a job last year do the right thing, find a psych and here goes trial and error guinea pig again. $300 an hour let's make a guess Looking, hmm survey says Latuda! The only upside was she gave me samples so I wasn't robbed the $800 a month the crap costs.

Partially I posted this because I am a Phillip Seymor Hoffman fan, and I was sad, but I got it. It looks like a good way to go. I have no kids.

And no I am not actively planning that. The only desire I have had was SI and oxy. Cannibis is my sedative of choice for insomnia. It's either that or more big pharma BS and ridiculous costs from the mental health community.

It's really sad, you have to kill people to be take seriously and get help, and I will not do that, it's wrong to gun down people. Or if you are Zeta Jones they drive you in a limo and you have a support staff. Regular joe like me **** you loser $300 and if you want to ask a question $150. Spent $800 on meds didn't work, $800 down the drain. Maybe I should sell some of my meds on the street since SSDI pays squat. Criminals get help I get ****ed.

Anyone got some oxy no BS because I will pop it right now.

Thanks for listening.

[whxwlvr]

Find a 12-step meeting, they're free.

[Looking for change-123]

Originally Posted by whxwlvr

Find a 12-step meeting, they're free.

Yes I go to 2. TY. The are bandaid to a amputation, but yes they try their best.

[flip33]

Originally Posted by Looking for change-123

Yes I go to 2. TY. The are bandaid to a amputation, but yes they try their best.

Some people embrace 12 step recovery whole heartedly and experience spiritual fulfillment. I see you talk about "they". It is really about you and your god (Higher Power, etc..)

Maybe it is not the long term answer for you. Even if it is not, 12 step recovery can serve as a stepping stone to where you really want to be spiritually.

[marknoo]

I'm not a 12 stepper myself. I did what is called a natural recovery. That means I just stopped. I did that a little over 3 years ago on Christmas day. I got really lucky to have that happen. Really lucky.

While all these rehab programs have terrible recovery rates, the 12 step programs have probably helped more people get their lives back than all other groups/treatments combined.

It could not hurt to give them a try.

[Looking for change-123]

Originally Posted by marknoo

I'm not a 12 stepper myself. I did what is called a natural recovery. That means I just stopped. I did that a little over 3 years ago on Christmas day. I got really lucky to have that happen. Really lucky.

While all these rehab programs have terrible recovery rates, the 12 step programs have probably helped more people get their lives back than all other groups/treatments combined.

It could not hurt to give them a try.

What people don't understand is I am mentally ill first self medicating with drugs 2nd. I have to have some form of drug to regulate my brain chemistry there is no other choice. Whether I try the lastest whiz bang Latuda-like drug, or regulate with cannibis or opiates, I require something. People whom don't have mental illness don't get that.

I tried clean and sober. I studied every form of meditation and hypnosis you can find, it didn't work. Drugs do, but it's a trial and error. Cannabis and opiates do. Opiates can cause OD's, like me, weed no. But sometimes I am so manic cannabis doesn't work and I really need opiates.

If I go more than several days without sleep, drugs required to sleep, then I end up at the pysch ward no BS. Lack of sleep causes psycosis.

Since I need drugs the only 12 step that makes sense is CODA for other issues in my life. NAMI as well.

Thanks for listening.

[paul14]

Find a 6 step meeting on sovcal.com. in reference section that is very helpful