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I've already shared a lot of intimate, personal details about some of my past. Some people may not want to dispose their "secrets" onlne on an internet site, but I'd rather do it here than in front of y'all! My moods have been really up and down lately, today was bad. I can be ok, then I can be so depressed i want to die, not bipolar type stuff, it's more like a switch in my thoughts that lead to the depression. Need to do more CBT. Started Aunt Flo from the Redlands and with the fibroids and endometriosis, makes pain unbearable at times. PMS.
A therapist i saw for a while recommended Toxic Parents, I would like to find it and take it off the shelf, and read.
Looking back:
Mom - she did the best she could - emotionally unavailable due to having to go look for work when my folks divorced, She lost her mom at 13, had 2 still borns, and a physically handicapped son (my brother), she's a survivor, from ages 0-7, great, but at age 7---both parents allowed me to go down to a golfcourse to catch tadpoles in the early 70's and I got raped. Mom seemed jealous of any other relationships I had, especially with men. "All men want is sex" was her motto, "You get knocked up and I'm not supporting your kid"
Dad - my cheerleader, talked to him about guys, birth control pills, anything. He taught me a lot, athletics, tennis, we played board games a lot and gin rummy, take me riding in golf carts at the country club on Easter egg hunts. I miss the closeness, but he has issues I can't deal with.
In conclusion, I suffered mostly from verbal and emotional abuse from mom, dad, and grandmother most of my life, it hurts. My mom 'swatted' me a few times, and my dad only smacked me with a belt twice after he heard i said the F word, which my mom told him. I have STRONG personalities from both my parents - - - not all good. I think emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse sometimes....words can wound deeply.
Last edited by WannaBNorCal; 12-08-2007 at 10:42 PM..
Reason: added to
I was married to an ACA; and although he was the most generous and loving man I'd ever known, the adverse effects of ongoing abuse from both parents since he was born was more than he could handle and constantly ruled and ruined his life.
He tried everything he could to try and break away from the horrors of abuse and to reverse the destructive brainwashing, but nothing helped. He turned to alcohol to try and ease the emotional pain; and unfortunately it became unsafe for me to be around him and we divorced.
He used to tell me what it was like for him as a child and how his entire existence was focused on surviving (as much as he was able to talk about it to me or anyone). In school, while other children concentrated on their studies or socializing, all he concentrated on was what was waiting for him when he got home and what he could do to try and rescue his brothers and sisters. No matter what he did, it was wrong in his parents' eyes and the physical beatings and verbal abuse was 24/7. While his father beat him, his mother would stand over him and read the bible!
One of the worse comments I ever heard from his mother was when she said in front of him, "Oh, I just think it's terrible when parents mistreat their dear children".....talk about the Queen of Denial. He will spend the rest of his life trying to gain his parent's approval, and of course as we know, to no avail.
His parents (I use that term lightly) were viewed by the community as wonderful people since they were both very active in the church....go figure. If he had ever tried to get help from anyone, people would have thought he was a disrespective troublemaker. But he was too embarrassed to ever tell anyone, and besides, for the most part, as a child he thought everyone lived that way. And it was all he knew and it was comfortable for him.
So, although I am not an ACA, I saw frist-hand the devastating effects of abuse. And, in turn I was effected by the fact that he is unable to have a successful relationship with anyone.
Parents who are abusive are not parents, they are breeders.
I am convinced that the panic disorder I now deal with has something to do with the abuse and neglect I dealt with growing up.
I don't recall there being much of a connection between me and anyone but my grandmother and my parents resented how much I loved her. I am very different with my own daughter. She is 10 and still sits on my lap, she sleeps with me when she can, I still hold her hand. I think that physical closeness is important. I am single so I spend my free time with her, I don't date. I can't imagine getting a babysitter and going out with someone else, I like to be with her. I think because I have given her a happy home, she has felt free to be a pretty independent child.
If I plan something for fun, its something we both enjoy.
Thanks for being transparent;
Personally I don't mind what anyone thinks on the internet,because they have issues too; they may not be the same type, but issues are issues.
When you are able to start sharing without feeling ashamed about it, then you're already half way on the path to total healing no matter how difficult it may seem.
Hiding for fear of what someone is going to think about you, is adding more abuse, this is a forum and the thread to get it off of your heart and possibly find out that you are not the only one who have had similar experiences in a certain area. It's not like you're telling people that are in positions to judge and or reject you. No one has a face here. hopefully just a heart. And hurting people hurt people.
katie45;
Thanks for sharing your story about your husband; I had similar experience with the abuse being interchangeable with the Bible; my mom used to use the Bible on me also and I noticed as a teen that most of the other people at this particular church did the same thing, beat the "hell" out of you literally, because that's what they were told you were, filled with demons.. How sick is that? But i found out 40 years later in my mother's case . A great aunt confided in me and told me that was what the father or grand father of their household believed and he beat them 24/7 and read the bible or slung scriptures at them until he got tired...How sick is that? HuH?
It's no wonder that some of the people who alienated themselves from God were abused by this ignorance. I wonder where in the Bible did they get the craziness from? because God is Love and anyone that teaches anything else or shows anything else but love is a twisted heretic that needs to be delivered themselves. It took me a long time to untie the knots about Christianity and God after this .I was mad at god for years...thinking that He was at fault. I never been so wrong.
Thanks again for sharing
God Bless
I am convinced that the panic disorder I now deal with has something to do with the abuse and neglect I dealt with growing up.
I don't recall there being much of a connection between me and anyone but my grandmother and my parents resented how much I loved her. I am very different with my own daughter. She is 10 and still sits on my lap, she sleeps with me when she can, I still hold her hand. I think that physical closeness is important. I am single so I spend my free time with her, I don't date. I can't imagine getting a babysitter and going out with someone else, I like to be with her. I think because I have given her a happy home, she has felt free to be a pretty independent child.
If I plan something for fun, its something we both enjoy.
Lindsey:
Just continue to love your daughter and show her the best life you can, with balance of course. It'll all pan out for the good.
I kind of figured that you had some issues like this when I first read your some of your post, even on my threads. I felt like some thing was deep inside. It's okay, You have someone who understands. i used to lash out on people that had a judgemental view on things and strong convictions in certain areas and i found out to look at me.It was very painful to look at me. because it felt so much better blaming someone else for my pain; when the person was the abuser, and everyone that acted like them...
I suffered with panic disorders for a very long time before I was able to get them under control without all of the heavy antidepressants( that's another story, a long one at that).. I do panic when i think that someone is being neglected and abused by someone and i want to rescue them , which is normal for us, but there is hope in a twisted world.. It's still a battle somedays
but I can say that I have help from my God, which i'm not going to deny because certain people don't agree, I'm not trying to get them to agree, just do what you do, and let's get better girl...
Take Care
thanks for being brave Lindsey
and thanks for loving your daughter........
YHWH
I've already shared a lot of intimate, personal details about some of my past. Some people may not want to dispose their "secrets" onlne on an internet site, but I'd rather do it here than in front of y'all! My moods have been really up and down lately, today was bad. I can be ok, then I can be so depressed i want to die, not bipolar type stuff, it's more like a switch in my thoughts that lead to the depression. Need to do more CBT. Started Aunt Flo from the Redlands and with the fibroids and endometriosis, makes pain unbearable at times. PMS.
A therapist i saw for a while recommended Toxic Parents, I would like to find it and take it off the shelf, and read.
Looking back:
Mom - she did the best she could - emotionally unavailable due to having to go look for work when my folks divorced, She lost her mom at 13, had 2 still borns, and a physically handicapped son (my brother), she's a survivor, from ages 0-7, great, but at age 7---both parents allowed me to go down to a golfcourse to catch tadpoles in the early 70's and I got raped. Mom seemed jealous of any other relationships I had, especially with men. "All men want is sex" was her motto, "You get knocked up and I'm not supporting your kid"
Dad - my cheerleader, talked to him about guys, birth control pills, anything. He taught me a lot, athletics, tennis, we played board games a lot and gin rummy, take me riding in golf carts at the country club on Easter egg hunts. I miss the closeness, but he has issues I can't deal with.
In conclusion, I suffered mostly from verbal and emotional abuse from mom, dad, and grandmother most of my life, it hurts. My mom 'swatted' me a few times, and my dad only smacked me with a belt twice after he heard i said the F word, which my mom told him. I have STRONG personalities from both my parents - - - not all good. I think emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse sometimes....words can wound deeply.
Yes ; I agree;
that most people that I have run into says that this is the worse... since the beatings heal; but the mind is a terrible thing to be abused and wasted".
Thanks for sharing
Thanks for wanted to get better
Thanks for forgiving them
Being physically abused is bad enough but verbally and emotionally abuse is worse in my opinion. I don't think we ever get over it, in fact, I know we don't.
I wish there was a way and if anyone has any ideas, thanks for sharing them.
To the poster that talked about using God and the Bible to 'discipline'; I think that's probably one of the reasons I don't care for 'Christians' and I hated God for a long time also but I got to the point where I thought it isn't God's fault.
My dad and my mothers parents are no longer alive but my mom is. Sometimes I cringe when I have to be with family.
(I actually cannot believe I'm posting on this thread but maybe I need to get some things out.)
Yes ; I agree;
that most people that I have run into says that this is the worse... since the beatings heal; but the mind is a terrible thing to be abused and wasted".
Thanks for sharing
Thanks for wanting to get better
Thanks for forgiving them
Being physically abused is bad enough but verbally and emotionally abuse is worse in my opinion. I don't think we ever get over it, in fact, I know we don't.
I wish there was a way and if anyone has any ideas, thanks for sharing them.
To the poster that talked about using God and the Bible to 'discipline'; I think that's probably one of the reasons I don't care for 'Christians' and I hated God for a long time also but I got to the point where I thought it isn't God's fault.
My dad and my mothers parents are no longer alive but my mom is. Sometimes I cringe when I have to be with family.
(I actually cannot believe I'm posting on this thread but maybe I need to get some things out.)
That's what this is all about;
As long as the mods don't mind; let's get it out and over with..
You have my attention..
I was married to an ACA; and although he was the most generous and loving man I'd ever known, the adverse effects of ongoing abuse from both parents since he was born was more than he could handle and constantly ruled and ruined his life.
He tried everything he could to try and break away from the horrors of abuse and to reverse the destructive brainwashing, but nothing helped. He turned to alcohol to try and ease the emotional pain; and unfortunately it became unsafe for me to be around him and we divorced.
He used to tell me what it was like for him as a child and how his entire existence was focused on surviving (as much as he was able to talk about it to me or anyone). In school, while other children concentrated on their studies or socializing, all he concentrated on was what was waiting for him when he got home and what he could do to try and rescue his brothers and sisters. No matter what he did, it was wrong in his parents' eyes and the physical beatings and verbal abuse was 24/7. While his father beat him, his mother would stand over him and read the bible!
One of the worse comments I ever heard from his mother was when she said in front of him, "Oh, I just think it's terrible when parents mistreat their dear children".....talk about the Queen of Denial. He will spend the rest of his life trying to gain his parent's approval, and of course as we know, to no avail.
His parents (I use that term lightly) were viewed by the community as wonderful people since they were both very active in the church....go figure. If he had ever tried to get help from anyone, people would have thought he was a disrespective troublemaker. But he was too embarrassed to ever tell anyone, and besides, for the most part, as a child he thought everyone lived that way. And it was all he knew and it was comfortable for him.
So, although I am not an ACA, I saw frist-hand the devastating effects of abuse. And, in turn I was effected by the fact that he is unable to have a successful relationship with anyone.
Parents who are abusive are not parents, they are breeders.
What is ACA?
Army Comrades Association?
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Married to an ACA
