Help me to solve this problem (depressed, harmful, sleep, psychological)

[coolsup22]

Hi guys,

Help me with this problem.

I am 25, male, single.

I'm in my mid twenties old right now. I started to masturbate when I was 12, and then at the age of 14 I promised myself to stop. Since 15 I have never done it.

However, more problems arose. During that period of masturbation I was promising myself and swearing not to masturbate since I thought it can influence my health and my achievements. Basically I was thinking it's really bad and I stopped. But since then I started to have erections with pre-ejaculate. I would see it when I was aroused or was in the bathroom. All of this things combined with the idea that masturbation is really bad for my health and that it's a sin. It made me afraid of pre-ejaculate or erections.

If I saw pre-ejaculate or had an erection, I started to blame myself. I thought that if I did something before it, such as read a book, that now I can't do it. Basically, I was really nervous about such things like erection or pre-ejaculate from both spiritual and mental viewpoints.

That was before I was 17. After that I still had that problem but I also started to have daily ejaculations during arousal. It was really terrible. Once it happened I would go into a depression for six months and feel that I was less developed, weaker, and lost everything I had before.

This continued until I turned 20. Now I have another problem. In terms of pre-ejaculate, I developed my own psychological treatment of the problem: as long as I have a wet dream after pre-***, I become normal again since actual sperm includes pre-*** and wet dream will happen anyway given that I don't masturbate. But now I can't treat the problem of pre-*** and erections with wet dreams. Now if I feel pre-*** on my underwear the effect is the same as in terms of real masturbation or ejaculation - I start blaming myself for hours and days, feel that I lost everything I had before. I feel that I can't do the stuff I could do before. I go into depression, can't wake up in the morning, because I'm blaming myself all the time.

It could happen to me like this: I was barely aroused and felt pre-*** on my underwear when I was in the bathroom in the morning and since that time I'm blaming myself and can't stop, I can't do anything - only blame myself and that is it. I have the same feeling as before. Now I'm even afraid of a little arousal and of even little thoughts about girls.

I never had girlfriend in my life, never, and because of this problem.

This year in March I masturbated. After 11 years of abstaining!

This is how it happened:

Weird things started to happen: i would wake up in the middle of the night and start to hump the mattress. This once made me experience pre-*** and have an anxiety for 3-4 months. I was very unproductive. Then this night wake up happened again and i couldn't hold myself and basically sleep masturbated to full ejaculation.

Next day i was so aroused that i went on and was playing with myself. Suddenly i had spontaneous ejaculation without any orgasm or anything - just randomly. i was depressed next day that i couldn't hold myself. so i decided to go on and masturbate to see how i'll feel; after - i was desperate. i did ejaculate basically in a few seconds. i was doing it 2-3 times and then stopped.

I started to have anxiety about doing it and not being able to hold myself - i wanted to accept mb as part of life so i after one week from that incident i started to do it again. i did it 3-4 times in one week and then stopped. It took me a lot of anxiety and pain to recover back to normal mood but then after 4 weeks of abstaining i did it again:

I was just laying in bed and playing with penis and there again was a spontaneous leak without orgasm. I was anxious that i couldn't stop myself from playing with the body and did finish it to the end. after that i did it 3 times more during the following 2 days.

I don't know how to be now. the fact that i am doing it basically makes me not to worry about pre-***, erection, girls and stuff since i know that i always have this exit via MB. at the same time i think that ejaculating makes me weak and stupid, it's not that it's happening in the reality, it's just that i have this mental stigma attached to it.

I realize that all of you guys are trying to abstain here on the forum. I could easily abstain again, but then i feel regret about doing MB again. in some sense mb is like a therapy against my pre-*** phobia and accepting it as part of life will solve my anxieties. at the same time i think that my mental abilities went down after MB.

After I started MB i could abstain for 4-5 weeks but then i did it again. I was anxious about not holding myself from doing it especially since I knew that even playing with my penis a little can cause me to have a spontaneous leak and make me further masturbate. But I still couldn't hold myself. I blame myself for not being able to self-control myself.

It's kinda like this: masturbating helped me to reset all my previous anxiety I had about feeling pre-*** last time but it made me to have new anxieties about masturbating and doing it several times in a row. I then accepted the fact that I masturbated as "it happened the way it happened". But then I couldn't hold myself again and now it makes me feel bad about not being able to abstain plus I feel i want to do it once more. I realize that may be in my case just accepting mb as part of life is a way to go but i don't know. In some sense now I am like smbd who wants to abstain but

1) doesn't know whether its necessary given the situation and mental problem

2) fights with himself to abstain - which is i guess a usual story for some guys.

What do you guys think about this continuation of the story? Why do you abstain? What would you recommend?

How should I proceed? What makes you guys to abstain?

May be I should reset everything and not MB again? Like just accept that it was part of my life where things happened in a way that I MB after 11 years of abstaining, then everything went out of my control - I couldn't self-control myself, was fighting with whether MB should be part of life or not (i.e. it took some time and effort to go back to abstaining path), made several mistakes on the way back to abstaining but then eventually went back on the usual track of abstaining?

Is it really a record of 11 years of not MB?

Should I just accept MB as part of life and go on with it?

Also this issue is not due to religious reasons - it developed by itself when I was 14-15 years old.

I was thinking that I am doing smth wrong when MB and this made me think MB makes you stupid, weak and you loose everything you had before. This made me to become afraid of MB.

Please help me!

Should I abstain or go on with MB as natural part of life?

[WorldKlas]

don't abstain; start seeking out a sexual partner, too.

[Billy_J]

Yes, DO masturbate and do so frequently. Several times a day if needed. (If it feels good, do it!)

Holding it in will cause "sperm build-up" and you will eventually "explode" - Not a good thing to say the least!

Sex is a basic human need just like eating. What would happen if you stopped eating? (It would not be very good for you!)

So far as your religion telling you to not masturbate, HOGWASH! Find a new religion which allows masturbation, there are plenty of different religions around.

And so far as people or religions telling you how to live your life, it you "feel good" about the advice being given to you, then it is probably good advice. But if the advice makes you feel bad about yourself, then it is bad or harmful advice and you would be best to not listen to that advice - distance yourself from people telling you those harmful things. (Tell them to go fly a kite!)

Check out craigslist.org [click on a state/city close to you, then personals] to find someone to date.

[SuperSoul]

Coolsup,
I can see how you're confused, about something that makes you feel good, but also feel bad.

First off, I hope you come to realize that scripture is not 100% accurate, so don't depend on it as if it's 100% infallible. They were written by imperfect people like you and I... and even much of the words have been twisted over the centuries, so it's good to think it through critically, as well as emotionally/spiritually, as you would anything else.

Although I see much good that comes from religion, there are many cognitive distortions taught...
15 Common Cognitive Distortions | Psych Central
IE: You may believe that you are "either on the Lord's side or you aren't"... that "you are either a good person from abstaining from masterbating, or you're a horrible person for giving in."
This is polarized thinking (aka bi-polar thinking) NOT what Jesus taught, IMO.
Remember the parable he taught of the tax collector and priest... Everyone hated the tax collectors, because they took so much money from them, and as they were putting them down, he explained how once a priest came to the temple or something & prayed, (paraphrasing) "I'm glad I'm not like this tax-collector - I give tithes, I say prayers every day, etc..." Then the tax collector humbly prayed, "God, forgive me, I'm a sinner." Jesus explained that he who exhalts himself will be abased & he who humbles himself will be uplifted.

It's not that we should go around putting ourselves down, though. But it's good to have humility, as it seems you have... to realize NOBODY's perfect. We all have struggles, and the faster we admit our weaknesses, the faster they can be overcome and even become strengths.

I'd say that generally, masterbating is natural... babies find their privates & realize, "Oh - that feels good!" I think the only time it becomes a problem is when it interferes with other aspects of your life. And generally, porn is a dead end I'd suggest avoiding, as much as possible.

[georgia dem]

good grief~~~

[zentropa]

I suggest you seek psychological treatment for obsessive-compulsive disorder. Your thinking is very "off."