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Old 07-11-2014, 09:01 PM
 
3,605 posts, read 5,272,872 times
Reputation: 3356

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Quote:
Originally Posted by negativenancy View Post
Are you actually tattling? Seriously?
Based on your posts so far, it's not your social anxiety that's making it impossible to find a woman, it's your bad attitude. Some of your posts are so childish. Geez!
Tattling? What are you talking about. Her snide remark criticising me is plain for any to see. What an odd post by you! I've interpreted her post accurately.
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Old 07-12-2014, 02:00 AM
 
285 posts, read 1,078,864 times
Reputation: 188
@lovesMountains Hi!

@Darvos Now Ive been diagnoised with SAD (Social Phobia) however I have a moderate case of it and I feel the way you feel and just scared of thinking about dating. However Im afraid that some of the people on here are right you should seek out different therapist. Eventually your going to have to jump! The ship is sinking your going to have to encounter the water sooner or later but you need to learn how to swim (to be social to meet people) your going to need a life preserver (therapist and or medication) to help you stay a float.

Eventually if you want to get help, your going to have to take that step! I have ALOT of issues but I took that first step to knew that I have a problem, and so now I have myself a psychiatrist and a therapist. I was kind of force with my job I have to interact with people and that got me use to it. Now Im still dealing with the anxiety alot but I will say that my doctor has helped me and my job too. You should go to this website its a support group that I think it would help.
Social Anxiety Disorder and Social Phobia Support

But if you want help you are going to have to get out there and get it, help isnt going to find you, you have to go and find it. the only thing that will come to you if you dont try is negativity self doubt and that will eat you up whole.
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Old 07-15-2014, 03:40 PM
 
18,264 posts, read 15,985,422 times
Reputation: 41218
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davros View Post
Yeah, I better not dare to reject the advice of one of the Most HighlyFavored Posters around here.

She decided to make a snide remark attacking me on my thread and get my thread relegated to one of the less used forums around here to shut me up, so I have a right to ask her what she suggests I do, since she says I'm just a POS who deserves what I get.
You're funny.

  1. I never reported your post or asked it to be moved.
  2. I have never said you were a piece of **** and you deserve what you get.
  3. My intentions are not to shut you up but to encourage some introspection in your part.

Now look ^^^ at all the incorrect assumptions you made--in ONE sentence!

Do you think you might also tend to make incorrect assumptions about what others are thinking and what they actually do or don't do when you are not around?

This is a huge pattern with you, I would mention it to your phone therapist.
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Old 07-15-2014, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 91,344,049 times
Reputation: 39983
Quote:
Originally Posted by TySky View Post
@lovesMountains Hi!

@Darvos Now Ive been diagnoised with SAD (Social Phobia) however I have a moderate case of it and I feel the way you feel and just scared of thinking about dating. However Im afraid that some of the people on here are right you should seek out different therapist. Eventually your going to have to jump! The ship is sinking your going to have to encounter the water sooner or later but you need to learn how to swim (to be social to meet people) your going to need a life preserver (therapist and or medication) to help you stay a float.

Eventually if you want to get help, your going to have to take that step! I have ALOT of issues but I took that first step to knew that I have a problem, and so now I have myself a psychiatrist and a therapist. I was kind of force with my job I have to interact with people and that got me use to it. Now Im still dealing with the anxiety alot but I will say that my doctor has helped me and my job too. You should go to this website its a support group that I think it would help.
Social Anxiety Disorder and Social Phobia Support

But if you want help you are going to have to get out there and get it, help isnt going to find you, you have to go and find it. the only thing that will come to you if you dont try is negativity self doubt and that will eat you up whole.
What a great post Ty!!

Truly happy to hear you give such good advice and to know you are working so hard to overcome the difficulties in your life - WAY TO GO
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Old 07-15-2014, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
2,538 posts, read 4,893,208 times
Reputation: 2594
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davros View Post
Therapists refuse to help me with that. They basically just sit there and waste my money. They say, oh, try striking up random conversations at work and at airports. Yeah, right. People at work don't want to talk to me. People at airports definitely don't want to talk to me. This is not to get dates, this is to practice socialization. Well, it does not work. Therapy is useless.
Okay, FYI, I had anxiety so bad that it became agoraphobia and I couldn't leave my house for three years. I'm definitely not judging. And I also know how hard it is to find a good therapist. It's not always so easy and how exasperating to throw away money on advice that doesn't work. Here's my advice, FWIW:

I think it is important to practice your social interaction, but people at work and in airports aren't the best audience because at work they already have formed an opinion of you and in airports...well I just don't think most people in airports want to chit chat. I think the best place to do this is somewhere you can find people who are also looking for social interaction. And if you screw up and say something that makes you feel stupid, or have a panic attack and have to run away and then feel stupid, you'll never see them again so you can just write it off. With office mates, you have to live with your mistakes. It's much more difficult and anxiety producing. Make that one of the last things you do, after you've practiced a lot.

This is what I would do. First I would buy the book Conversationally Speaking and also How to Win Friends and Influence People. I would read both of those books and prepare to try one or two of the conversation starters. Actually, Conversationally Speaking is meant to be read one chapter at a time, trying the skills in that chapter before moving on to the next.

Then, I would get on Meetup.com in your local area and find activities that you can participate in with other people who have interests similar to yours. Do you like to hike? Play an instrument or sing? How about pottery? You could even find some classes in your local community center and learn some new skills (drawing, painting, cooking, knitting, metalsmithing, etc.) and meet a few people in the class. In my experience, it's always easier to talk to people when you are working on something together. Standing there looking at a person and trying to strike up a conversation out of the blue is mostly a nightmare and believe it or not, many people, even without social anxiety, feel that way.

Third, don't fear the panic attack! You really can conquer this thing. I promise you can. You just have to take it step by step, one day at a time. And don't dwell too much on the negative. I know loneliness is a really hard thing to overcome. It really is, but try to remind yourself each day of the things you have to be thankful for, whatever they are. Even if you have to get down to the barebones being thankful for having clean water (try to imagine living without that!) it's so empowering to realize your blessings.

I wish you the BEST of luck! You can do this!
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Old 07-18-2014, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Way Up North
225 posts, read 246,760 times
Reputation: 425
Smile Social Anxiety

Quote:
Originally Posted by Davros View Post
Put yourself in my shoes instead of judging me.

In short, my life sucks, through no fault of my own.

You can't understand what it's like to be in my shoes, so don't judge.

I went through college and went to maybe 3 parties, and just stood in the corner each time.

Have you ever heard the Smiths song "How Soon is Now," well that 100% accurately describes me and my life.

Have some compassion in your heart instead of judging me, and calling me creepy, and reporting me to the mods.
Davros, I understand what you are going through. I've been there. Social anxiety disorder is a very real thing, and it's a terrible thing to go through. For me, it was mainly because I thought people were judging me.

I haven't seen any of your posts about this before, but there is definitely help for it. I am completely over my social anxiety disorder. First, make an appointment with a psychologist. (That is the hardest part...taking that first step to make that call.) There is no shame in seeing a psychologist. (Now, I just read where you said that therapy is useless.) No it is not! The problem is that you haven't found the right psychologist for you. Also, sometimes the psychologist and patient just do not click. Psychologists specialize in different areas of mental health. You need one who specializes in social anxiety disorder. If you need help finding a psychologist, go to www.nami.org
or contact your health insurance company. I highly recommend that you find one who has a Ph.D. As you will learn once you start therapy, the most well adjusted people out there have probably been through some therapy. Some people want to keep their treatment extremely secretive, so they go to a psychologist quite far from their home. That is not necessary though, as mental health treatment is very confidential, as is all health care nowadays. The psychologist will no doubt do a little testing (maybe the MMPI test). Don't lie on the test. If you are trying to get better, be truthful so they can find out where you are and what you are going through. The psychologist will probably recommend seeing a psychiatrist for a medication (again...no shame in it). You would be amazed at how many people are on psychiatric medications. There are special medications that help social anxiety disorder.

You will go through some therapy with the psychologist (only seeing the psychiatrist for medication renewal or change). You have to be willing to be an active participant in your therapy. You will talk about your childhood, etc. so that the psychologist can figure out how you came to be this way and help you change your thinking patterns. He will help you find out how you became who you are. The psychologist will encourage you to take baby steps to do things outside your comfort zone. This is the most challenging part. At first, I was very uncomfortable...but the baby steps allow you to grow. When you are comfortable with that baby step, then you progress to something slightly more challenging. Change does not come fast, but if you keep at it, you will overcome this disorder. With medication, you can feel somewhat better immediately.

I am still an introvert, but I do not have discomfort in public anymore. I will never be a party animal, but that's fine with me. It's not who I am or what I want to do with my life. I am more comfortable getting together with small groups of friends or relatives, but I'm fine interacting with people out in public. I can easily handle being in large crowds or groups if I need to be. I don't need to hide in the house anymore (agoraphobia).

Please take that first step and call a psychologist. You will actually be very happy that you did by the end of your first appointment. Keep us informed on the boards about how you are doing. You don't have to live with this. There is a whole new life out there for you!
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Old 07-19-2014, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Gods country
6,170 posts, read 4,820,678 times
Reputation: 8442
I was very shy and had extreme anxiety as a teenager going into adulthood. I had a real tough time asking women out. That all changed when I became friends with a coworker who had no shame whatsoever when it came to interacting with women. This guy was short, fat and bald and you should have seen the women that he dated, absolutely gorgeous. I started to do what he did, ask women out and just shrug off the rejection if it came. After a bunch of rejections I just didn't care anymore and did quite well for myself.
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Old 05-15-2015, 08:16 AM
 
1 posts, read 639 times
Reputation: 10
I know exactly what you mean and how you feel Davros. I just try to enjoy the little things and remember that things could always be worse.
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Old 05-16-2015, 11:33 AM
 
74 posts, read 84,093 times
Reputation: 73
I'm 21 and a kissless virgin. I have crippling social anxiety and don't see myself every getting a girlfriend lol. It's hard man. It doesn't help when you are surrounded by happy couples on a daily basis. I don't really know what we can do. Therapy really isn't effective for severe cases of social anxiety. I did it for years. You already know what you need to do -practice. Someone telling you that isn't going to make it easier. As for medication, antidepressants are useless. Most doctors don't like prescribing anything else really.... For social anxiety we need a depressant like a benzo (xanax) to take the edge off, but we also need a stimulant like ADHD medication to motivate us to talk to people. It's counterproductive. The social anxiety paradox man. Our best drug is alcohol, but we all know how that turns out. We were born to die. There is no hope. Sorry to be a negative Nancy, but I'm in a defeatist mood.
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Old 05-21-2015, 09:44 AM
 
22 posts, read 21,268 times
Reputation: 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davros View Post
Therapists refuse to help me with that. They basically just sit there and waste my money. They say, oh, try striking up random conversations at work and at airports. Yeah, right. People at work don't want to talk to me. People at airports definitely don't want to talk to me. This is not to get dates, this is to practice socialization. Well, it does not work. Therapy is useless.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davros View Post
There is no help for my social anxiety. I am a hopeless case because I fundamentally believe I am unlikable and unworthy, and there is nothing NOTHING that can change that because it's true .. as confirmed by those who hate me on this very board.
It sounds like you haven't been to a good therapist. There is absolutely help for social anxiety. You're fundamental belief doesn't make you a hopeless case, it's what produces your situation.
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