U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-22-2014, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
265 posts, read 334,265 times
Reputation: 525

Advertisements

I don't want to be one, either. For a few years now my friends have jokingly referred to me as being a curmudgeon, but now I think it's possible I've gone too far and I'm just a run-of-the-mill a-hole.

I frequently say things that I regret later, and in many cases I'm able to apologize, but in other cases I can't because it was things I said to a stranger, or the cashier at the grocery store, that kind of thing. The most recent instance (the motivation for starting this thread, actually) is that I angrily complained to a radio show's Facebook page about how they ruined a TV show for me by mentioning a critical plot point in an on-air promo, and the response I got was from [I'm presuming here, based on looking up her name on the internet] a young employee that basically said "while you are correct, we shouldn't have done that, I am a person, and I don't think I deserve to be spoken to like that."

That made me feel bad. I stand by the things I said in that complaint, for the record. And I think this young lady is taking things too personally, as she almost certainly had nothing to do with the production of that radio promo, or its airing. She's just the person who manages their social media presence. I get that. But isn't it her role to field complaints and stuff without being offended or letting it get under her skin? Anyway, the point is I am genuinely sorry, and it makes me feel like a jerk that I complained about something that I was legitimately upset about. But then it makes me start feeling like "Why am I not allowed to complain about things? Why do I have to censor myself and 'soften the blow' all so that I don't hurt someone's feelings?"

I'm having an ethical and existential dilemma here, lol.

I don't want to hurt people's feelings, but when people are legitimately careless in certain ways, and it upsets/angers/hurts other people, I feel like they should know about it... Yet I hate feeling like it's my personal responsibility, that I share with no one else in the world, to make sure I don't upset someone else for letting them know I was upset by something they did.

Before anyone gets on my case about it, let me say this: I AM AWARE THAT IT IS JUST A TV SHOW. Yes, I know it's stupid to be upset about someone giving a spoiler for a TV show. I get that. But right or wrong, it upset me, and I just wanted to let them know to never do that again because I'm presumably not the only person who was upset by that, and I was probably just the only person who took time out of his day to complain about it.

Anyway, I hate being a complainer, and I hate getting so upset about things. How can I learn to stop caring about stuff? So I can just coexist with other people in the world, and be nice to people, and bite my tongue when I want to tell people that they probably shouldn't have done something that they did?

I hate being a curmudgeon.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-22-2014, 12:47 PM
 
4,287 posts, read 3,102,580 times
Reputation: 9559
Sounds like in the case of the radio show you had a legitimate complaint but it was the way you said it that caused an issue. I'd think about focusing on how you are saying things. There is a way to get your point across and still be polite and respectful.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-22-2014, 12:53 PM
 
35,107 posts, read 42,469,811 times
Reputation: 62207
Quote:
Originally Posted by hush.bereel View Post
I don't want to be one, either. For a few years now my friends have jokingly referred to me as being a curmudgeon, but now I think it's possible I've gone too far and I'm just a run-of-the-mill a-hole.

I frequently say things that I regret later, and in many cases I'm able to apologize, but in other cases I can't because it was things I said to a stranger, or the cashier at the grocery store, that kind of thing. The most recent instance (the motivation for starting this thread, actually) is that I angrily complained to a radio show's Facebook page about how they ruined a TV show for me by mentioning a critical plot point in an on-air promo, and the response I got was from [I'm presuming here, based on looking up her name on the internet] a young employee that basically said "while you are correct, we shouldn't have done that, I am a person, and I don't think I deserve to be spoken to like that."

That made me feel bad. I stand by the things I said in that complaint, for the record. And I think this young lady is taking things too personally, as she almost certainly had nothing to do with the production of that radio promo, or its airing. She's just the person who manages their social media presence. I get that. But isn't it her role to field complaints and stuff without being offended or letting it get under her skin? Anyway, the point is I am genuinely sorry, and it makes me feel like a jerk that I complained about something that I was legitimately upset about. But then it makes me start feeling like "Why am I not allowed to complain about things? Why do I have to censor myself and 'soften the blow' all so that I don't hurt someone's feelings?"

I'm having an ethical and existential dilemma here, lol.

I don't want to hurt people's feelings, but when people are legitimately careless in certain ways, and it upsets/angers/hurts other people, I feel like they should know about it... Yet I hate feeling like it's my personal responsibility, that I share with no one else in the world, to make sure I don't upset someone else for letting them know I was upset by something they did.

Before anyone gets on my case about it, let me say this: I AM AWARE THAT IT IS JUST A TV SHOW. Yes, I know it's stupid to be upset about someone giving a spoiler for a TV show. I get that. But right or wrong, it upset me, and I just wanted to let them know to never do that again because I'm presumably not the only person who was upset by that, and I was probably just the only person who took time out of his day to complain about it.

Anyway, I hate being a complainer, and I hate getting so upset about things. How can I learn to stop caring about stuff? So I can just coexist with other people in the world, and be nice to people, and bite my tongue when I want to tell people that they probably shouldn't have done something that they did?

I hate being a curmudgeon.
Perhaps a walk to the river to throw rocks for a while before you send a message next time?
That way your anger has subsided, you have gotten a wee bit of a workout from throwing the rocks and you have had time to think about how to present your complaint in a way that won't make you feel like a jerk later.

Your choice obviously how you want to do things but I visit the river a lot sometimes, more than several times in one day on occasion.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-22-2014, 01:14 PM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
265 posts, read 334,265 times
Reputation: 525
I just sent an apology to this person. I hope she forgives me. I was definitely out of line. I didn't use any profanity, but wow, the words I used sure do contain some venom. I really have a problem.

I suppose, the fact that I am now aware of this problem must count for something. I guess I'm now aware that I am a jerk and I don't want to be, so I plan on doing everything possible to change that.

But I really want to kick my own ass right now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-22-2014, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
6,265 posts, read 5,072,530 times
Reputation: 13714
No one changes unless its painful to be as they are. You have felt the pain of embarassment and empathy, even if you were technically correct. I commend you for your growth.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-22-2014, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,017 posts, read 18,447,599 times
Reputation: 32398
To the OP: Well, if it turns out you are one, at least you have the comfort of having lots of company on City-Data.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2014, 07:31 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 90,719,158 times
Reputation: 39972
Quote:
Originally Posted by hush.bereel View Post
I just sent an apology to this person. I hope she forgives me. I was definitely out of line. I didn't use any profanity, but wow, the words I used sure do contain some venom. I really have a problem.

I suppose, the fact that I am now aware of this problem must count for something. I guess I'm now aware that I am a jerk and I don't want to be, so I plan on doing everything possible to change that.

But I really want to kick my own ass right now.
Awareness is the greatest agent for change

NOW, go forth and make more conscious choices to be the person you know you want to be
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2014, 07:40 AM
 
16,719 posts, read 15,651,101 times
Reputation: 41258
Quote:
Originally Posted by hush.bereel View Post
I angrily complained to a radio show's Facebook page about how they ruined a TV show for me by mentioning a critical plot point in an on-air promo, and the response I got was from [I'm presuming here, based on looking up her name on the internet] a young employee that basically said "while you are correct, we shouldn't have done that, I am a person, and I don't think I deserve to be spoken to like that."

That made me feel bad. I stand by the things I said in that complaint, for the record. And I think this young lady is taking things too personally, as she almost certainly had nothing to do with the production of that radio promo, or its airing. She's just the person who manages their social media presence. I get that. But isn't it her role to field complaints and stuff without being offended or letting it get under her skin? Anyway, the point is I am genuinely sorry, and it makes me feel like a jerk that I complained about something that I was legitimately upset about. But then it makes me start feeling like "Why am I not allowed to complain about things? Why do I have to censor myself and 'soften the blow' all so that I don't hurt someone's feelings?"
The fact that you admit to being a curmudgeon, yet somehow turn it around to blame your victim, is what makes you...like you said in your title.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2014, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
265 posts, read 334,265 times
Reputation: 525
Fair enough.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-24-2014, 03:27 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,612,813 times
Reputation: 1939
Quote:
Originally Posted by hush.bereel View Post
I don't want to be one, either. For a few years now my friends have jokingly referred to me as being a curmudgeon, but now I think it's possible I've gone too far and I'm just a run-of-the-mill a-hole.

I frequently say things that I regret later, and in many cases I'm able to apologize, but in other cases I can't because it was things I said to a stranger, or the cashier at the grocery store, that kind of thing. The most recent instance (the motivation for starting this thread, actually) is that I angrily complained to a radio show's Facebook page about how they ruined a TV show for me by mentioning a critical plot point in an on-air promo, and the response I got was from [I'm presuming here, based on looking up her name on the internet] a young employee that basically said "while you are correct, we shouldn't have done that, I am a person, and I don't think I deserve to be spoken to like that."

That made me feel bad. I stand by the things I said in that complaint, for the record. And I think this young lady is taking things too personally, as she almost certainly had nothing to do with the production of that radio promo, or its airing. She's just the person who manages their social media presence. I get that. But isn't it her role to field complaints and stuff without being offended or letting it get under her skin? Anyway, the point is I am genuinely sorry, and it makes me feel like a jerk that I complained about something that I was legitimately upset about. But then it makes me start feeling like "Why am I not allowed to complain about things? Why do I have to censor myself and 'soften the blow' all so that I don't hurt someone's feelings?"

I'm having an ethical and existential dilemma here, lol.

I don't want to hurt people's feelings, but when people are legitimately careless in certain ways, and it upsets/angers/hurts other people, I feel like they should know about it... Yet I hate feeling like it's my personal responsibility, that I share with no one else in the world, to make sure I don't upset someone else for letting them know I was upset by something they did.

Before anyone gets on my case about it, let me say this: I AM AWARE THAT IT IS JUST A TV SHOW. Yes, I know it's stupid to be upset about someone giving a spoiler for a TV show. I get that. But right or wrong, it upset me, and I just wanted to let them know to never do that again because I'm presumably not the only person who was upset by that, and I was probably just the only person who took time out of his day to complain about it.

Anyway, I hate being a complainer, and I hate getting so upset about things. How can I learn to stop caring about stuff? So I can just coexist with other people in the world, and be nice to people, and bite my tongue when I want to tell people that they probably shouldn't have done something that they did?

I hate being a curmudgeon.

LOL
I think you first have to accept when you are wrong, period
you make soooo many excuses why that young woman was at fault not you
I can not change behavior I am justifying~~
impossible
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top