What to do about a bi-polar friend who started acting hostile towards me

[Teckeeee]

Glad I could help , here is some follow up info

Bipolar Disorder Magazine | Bphope.com Blog | Why Can't I Take Anti Depressants or ADHD Meds if I Have Bipolar Disorder?

[Gerania]

Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe

Did you even read the entire post? Granted it was long.

I have great friends outside of the group I left a year ago. My question was whether this type of behavior is typical for a bi-polar person, would they remember it, would it continue?

And this is the first time he's behaved inappropriately. It's sad, because I enjoyed our phone conversations a couple of times a month.

But, I'm afraid you're right. I'll have to cut him off. It's sad.

Did you call him or did he call you?

I don't think it's common, but it's not unheard of. Take a look at this:

Violence in Bipolar Disorder

He may remember nothing or just bits and pieces and know that something unpleasant happened.

If he 'goes off' on you again, hang up sooner. If it looks as though he is going to behave this way often or regularly, it's time to end the relationship.

[wellshii]

Im bi-polar,even though I hadnt mention it to my doctor.I'll be honest,there are times I get hostile,but not violently and gross like that.Then again,he was in the marines,and that effects people and their behavior greatly.Sometimes,I believe people use mental illnesses as excuses to act like asses. I have never blown up like that talking about murder and relieving myself,at least not yet.Bi-polar comes in stages,but still.

[brayli]

I understand why you are scared, but I also think it's unfair to write the guy off completely after just one "episode". It seems like you let him be there for you and support you, but the moment he showed any signs of "crazy" you can't put up with it and want to dump him as a friend.

Yes, describing going to the bathroom on the phone is weird, but we all go to the bathroom. It's not really that big of a deal to talk about it. Just ask him not to do it again if it makes you uncomfortable.

He's an elderly man that is 4 hours away from you. It is unlikely that he would travel 4 hours to harm you. Now if he continues threatening you and talking violently, I agree you need to call his sister and probably cut him off. But I think you should recognize that the guy might be switching meds or going through something really difficult and give him one more chance after a stern conversation where you set clear boundaries and explain to him that what he did was unacceptable.

I know someone who was going through a hard time...we'll call her Kate. Kate had a friend since childhood named Michelle. Anytime Michelle needed support, Kate was there. Michelle would call Kate in the middle of the night crying about her boyfriend problems or some other crisis and Kate was always there for her. When Kate got involved in a physically abusive relationship, she asked Michelle for support and Michelle said "sorry, I just can't deal with this" and cut her off. I saw Kate the other day, three years later. She had a black eye. There is no way to guarantee Michelle's support would have saved Kate from the abusive relationship, but it is likely it would have.

You never know when your support could be what really helps someone turn the corner during dark times.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe

So, I guess my question is, now that this bi-polar friend has crossed the "polite" line with me, does that mean he now sees me as someone that it's "safe" to be scary crazy with? Should I expect this to continue? If so, I will have to cut off the friendship.

I don't have experience with bi-polar behavior, so I'm wondering will this continue? Will he remember it happened?

Thanks for any knowledgeable advice from people who are or are close to bi-polar people.

This may happen again and he will probably either not remember it clearly or he may minimize it in his mind - this "attack" and any future ones. It sounds like his meds are not working, or he's gotten off his meds. You need to be direct with him and ask him whether or not he's taking his meds and tell him that you're concerned about his behavior.

My brother is bipolar and schizophrenic and a former very good friend of mine (yes, former) is bipolar and after years of ups and downs, she threw in the towel, got off all meds, and went completely berserk. I tried to help her but she needed PROFESSIONAL help, not just emotional support, and she refused the first and abused the second. I finally had to distance myself from her. My brother is a big believer in meds and therapy and is doing very well, but even he insists that if he begins acting oddly, we immediately confront him and intervene if necessary, because he knows that the downward spiral is very difficult to pull out of once it's really going good.

Your friend is not responsible for having a mental illness, but he's responsible for how he HANDLES having a mental illness. He clearly is acting very much out of control, and regardless of his mental illness, he has to abide by societal norms and your boundaries - and there are meds and therapy for him to help him do just that, as well as his own strength of character. The behavior you're describing is way out in left field, and you should not ignore it or act as if it didn't happen or is no big deal.

Hope this helps.