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Old 12-03-2014, 11:33 PM
 
159 posts, read 156,748 times
Reputation: 131

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Sorry to hear your life feels so desperate right now, Sunshine girl. It is easy to get buyer's remorse. Especially in a new place where you don't have a ton of friends yet and you're missing your old world... family and friends. I am in the same boat. My emotions swing wildly between feeling like we got the best house we could get with the money we wanted to spend, to planning to put it back on the market in the spring! It is really hard to stay motivated to unpack your boxes and settle in when you have occasional panic thoughts of "I want out of here!!!!"

I read your post and I get it. I would recommend an anxiety med just temporarily to get you through this rough patch. Hang in there and go as easy as you can on yourself and on your husband. Things are probably hard for him, too.

 
Old 12-05-2014, 08:50 PM
 
239 posts, read 292,624 times
Reputation: 145
Default Realtors don't let sellers in home Please-Please Read

My other post is on here under another user name because on my computer I can't login so please forgive me for using this one. but here is a summary of a talk my husband and I have had the past few days.

We bought a house an I immeditely on move in date, LOST IT, I mean the day I walked in the door, I knelt down and cried and asked myself what did I do, not one time during the closing 3 weeks did I hestitate, only when I took the large sum of money out of the checking for the closing/deposit but that was because I saved it for so long. My husband even asked me at closing are you sure and I said yes.

Fast forward, it's been over a month and I hate the house more and more each day, we didn't think about things when we saw it, I mean my husband I saw the layout, loved it and knew it had potential BUT it needs TONS of updates, lets say every inch of the house and pool and pool decking need updates. So why the **** did we buy it, GREAT location and loved the backyard, people maintained home VERY well and showed us records, PROBLEM -SELLERS IN HOUSE! The listing agent said sellers won't leave and I was ok with that because I did the same thing at my house cause I have cats and didn't want someone accidentally letting it out. So what did the sellers do, maybe not intentionally but they followed us around and talked to us, then my husband spotted a picture on the wall of our hometown! believe it or not the seller was from our hometown, she was nice and warm and we felt at home! Ok See that we felt at home, being that we just moved out here 6 months ago and I miss my family, this is so stupid but I have done a lot of thinking this week, I said before, that had nothing to do with it, but I think it really did because we went from wanting a move in ready home under 300k to getting one over and COMPLETELY outdated and over. The seller followed us around talking and talking, distracting us (at this time I think it was intentional because I have learned a lot from neighbors about the sellers) but at the time it felt right, we loved the potential but the large bedrooms were not my thing but I was ok with it, then the master downstairs and add on was a plus for a elderly aunt who we would love to move in with us so we can take care of her since we are the only family that would do stuff with her back at home. I didn't' get to see the one room really well because her brother was in bed and I didn't want to disturb him.

Ok then after moving in my great aunt said she is not moving out, she said she has no intentions and we shouldn't have done this.

I have been in meltdown mode for 5 weeks, 2 hours of sleep and just crying more than I ever have in my life. I impulsed on this house, we were in a fabulous rental and my husband wanted to keep renting and I talked him into buying because money going towards rent is a waste- I am here to tell you that it's NOT, not if your in a situation like mine, we really should have learned the areas better, I am so sleep deprived that I have been saying things like I want to go back to the rental and I really imagine it there because I loved it and now talking to my husband we are seeing so many things in hindsight now.

One of the biggest things about us not being happy is that our realtor used the base list price as the amount and we said how we would want to do tons of updates and he agreed to lowball them so we did, I then called listing agent a week ago to find out sellers made list price and it was higher than agent BUT we found out from several people and our own research (shame on us for trusting a former car sales man realtor only 1 year experience) we found out we may have overpaid or right at fair price. So now what do we do, husband wants to tough it out and update it, but he knows we only planned 5 years, we did the numbers and we would be ahead IF we knew it would sell for 30,000 more, we would not get any updates back but we would get our money back, so what were we thinking getting an undated house that we planned to stay in 5 years, we thought the deal would balance it all out. Again we let things go based on us thinking we got a deal, but we clearly didn't.

My husband is my rock and I can't believe he has put up with me the past 5 weeks of me waking him up since I am awake all night and me crying and going through a complete melt down, so much has happend in these 5 weeks here with things breaking, finding stuff they didn't disclose, etc. Now our plan is to FIX everything they hid, update floors to tile in bathrooms, and a list of things and painting. I at this time have no intention of staying even though the house would be incredible for a huge family and the location blows everything away. I really want to live more simple and chose the house for family reasons but I can still have a simple smaller house for family, I listened to my mom when she said to get a huge one for visitors.

I didn't mean to go off the subject but really I take myself through the house again in the listing pictures and NEVER once would I have picked the house based on the colors, wallpaper, etc. I now have spent $$$ and will continue to the next few months to see if it will sell.

The sellers really did distract us and spent more time talking to us then we could really absorb the house.
 
Old 12-05-2014, 09:12 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
47,628 posts, read 45,965,229 times
Reputation: 93334
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshinegirl7 View Post
My other post is on here under another user name because on my computer I can't login so please forgive me for using this one. but here is a summary of a talk my husband and I have had the past few days.

We bought a house an I immeditely on move in date, LOST IT, I mean the day I walked in the door, I knelt down and cried and asked myself what did I do, not one time during the closing 3 weeks did I hestitate, only when I took the large sum of money out of the checking for the closing/deposit but that was because I saved it for so long. My husband even asked me at closing are you sure and I said yes.

Fast forward, it's been over a month and I hate the house more and more each day, we didn't think about things when we saw it, I mean my husband I saw the layout, loved it and knew it had potential BUT it needs TONS of updates, lets say every inch of the house and pool and pool decking need updates. So why the **** did we buy it, GREAT location and loved the backyard, people maintained home VERY well and showed us records, PROBLEM -SELLERS IN HOUSE! The listing agent said sellers won't leave and I was ok with that because I did the same thing at my house cause I have cats and didn't want someone accidentally letting it out. So what did the sellers do, maybe not intentionally but they followed us around and talked to us, then my husband spotted a picture on the wall of our hometown! believe it or not the seller was from our hometown, she was nice and warm and we felt at home! Ok See that we felt at home, being that we just moved out here 6 months ago and I miss my family, this is so stupid but I have done a lot of thinking this week, I said before, that had nothing to do with it, but I think it really did because we went from wanting a move in ready home under 300k to getting one over and COMPLETELY outdated and over. The seller followed us around talking and talking, distracting us (at this time I think it was intentional because I have learned a lot from neighbors about the sellers) but at the time it felt right, we loved the potential but the large bedrooms were not my thing but I was ok with it, then the master downstairs and add on was a plus for a elderly aunt who we would love to move in with us so we can take care of her since we are the only family that would do stuff with her back at home. I didn't' get to see the one room really well because her brother was in bed and I didn't want to disturb him.

Ok then after moving in my great aunt said she is not moving out, she said she has no intentions and we shouldn't have done this.

I have been in meltdown mode for 5 weeks, 2 hours of sleep and just crying more than I ever have in my life. I impulsed on this house, we were in a fabulous rental and my husband wanted to keep renting and I talked him into buying because money going towards rent is a waste- I am here to tell you that it's NOT, not if your in a situation like mine, we really should have learned the areas better, I am so sleep deprived that I have been saying things like I want to go back to the rental and I really imagine it there because I loved it and now talking to my husband we are seeing so many things in hindsight now.

One of the biggest things about us not being happy is that our realtor used the base list price as the amount and we said how we would want to do tons of updates and he agreed to lowball them so we did, I then called listing agent a week ago to find out sellers made list price and it was higher than agent BUT we found out from several people and our own research (shame on us for trusting a former car sales man realtor only 1 year experience) we found out we may have overpaid or right at fair price. So now what do we do, husband wants to tough it out and update it, but he knows we only planned 5 years, we did the numbers and we would be ahead IF we knew it would sell for 30,000 more, we would not get any updates back but we would get our money back, so what were we thinking getting an undated house that we planned to stay in 5 years, we thought the deal would balance it all out. Again we let things go based on us thinking we got a deal, but we clearly didn't.

My husband is my rock and I can't believe he has put up with me the past 5 weeks of me waking him up since I am awake all night and me crying and going through a complete melt down, so much has happend in these 5 weeks here with things breaking, finding stuff they didn't disclose, etc. Now our plan is to FIX everything they hid, update floors to tile in bathrooms, and a list of things and painting. I at this time have no intention of staying even though the house would be incredible for a huge family and the location blows everything away. I really want to live more simple and chose the house for family reasons but I can still have a simple smaller house for family, I listened to my mom when she said to get a huge one for visitors.

I didn't mean to go off the subject but really I take myself through the house again in the listing pictures and NEVER once would I have picked the house based on the colors, wallpaper, etc. I now have spent $$$ and will continue to the next few months to see if it will sell.

The sellers really did distract us and spent more time talking to us then we could really absorb the house.
You cannot continue to blame other people for YOUR choices.

When you are buying a house, it is YOUR responsibility to do a good job shopping for a house. That's it.

If they are talking too much, it is YOUR JOB to say nicely, "It's nice to meet you. If you don't mind, we would like to walk around with our agent so we can concentrate on the features. We'll let you know when we're done."

Due diligence is YOUR job as a buyer.

Have you already met with the therapist?
 
Old 12-05-2014, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Michigan
2,489 posts, read 1,719,942 times
Reputation: 6011
Wow, just wow.... This is called "Buyers Remorse", and you aren't special to discover it, so get a grip on yourself!

Call a lawyer and see if you can back out of the deal, THEN call a doctor and get on some meds, because you need them.

If you are this far gone, I'd bet nothing will fix this except to dump the house as fast as you can, chalk it up, and then go through it all and analyze yourself to figure out why this happened to you to this level. IF YOU DON'T do that part and eventually figure it out, you'll never get this behind you, and might be messed up for life.

You can fix this, make a plan TONIGHT!
 
Old 12-05-2014, 09:28 PM
 
Location: Berkeley, Denver, CO USA
14,765 posts, read 21,847,590 times
Reputation: 24935
You need to visit a shrink. Now.
 
Old 12-05-2014, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,735 posts, read 39,044,815 times
Reputation: 23928
Seriously, you do need to get professional help, and I say that with your best interests in mind. Buyer's remorse is one thing, but this goes far beyond that and, really, I would think, appears based on this and your other posts to have little to do with the house other than as something to hang more serious problems on. Which is to say, no matter WHAT house you purchased you would have had this melt down and you need to discover and deal with the reasons you are making such a huge deal out of it that you are damaging your health, your marriage, and your life.
 
Old 12-05-2014, 09:48 PM
 
239 posts, read 292,624 times
Reputation: 145
I agree I am having a very hard time but honestly it is the house it's not what I wanted and we rushed to get a house and picked the wrong one and yes I have beyond buyers remorse and Yes I did talk to therapist and got a lot out that's why I think the at home feeling was that but I am not saying it was anyone's fault but mine but It really is distracting and It was the only home that had sellers in it. I agree it's only my fault.
 
Old 12-05-2014, 09:58 PM
 
239 posts, read 292,624 times
Reputation: 145
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeBear View Post
Wow, just wow.... This is called "Buyers Remorse", and you aren't special to discover it, so get a grip on yourself!

Call a lawyer and see if you can back out of the deal, THEN call a doctor and get on some meds, because you need them.

If you are this far gone, I'd bet nothing will fix this except to dump the house as fast as you can, chalk it up, and then go through it all and analyze yourself to figure out why this happened to you to this level. IF YOU DON'T do that part and eventually figure it out, you'll never get this behind you, and might be messed up for life.

You can fix this, make a plan TONIGHT!
I agree MikeBear that I need to fix this right away, my heart hurts and I have never gone this long without sleeping. my plan is to list it in the spring because we already started painting rooms and bathrooms need done since toilet was broke when we moved in. we got a list of things to do to help get the house in a more attractive state (color of paints, wallpaper) But I know if Indont sell house then I will NOT get over this. I left a rental that I was so happy at but wanted my own place. I can't we. walk around this house because it disgusts me. I let a lot slide thinking we get a deal so now I will lose more or need to replace stuff. that is killing me because I should be getting Chrismtas stuff ready not obsessing on this house. I need to find a rental as soon as we list it
 
Old 12-05-2014, 10:31 PM
 
988 posts, read 1,434,595 times
Reputation: 1078
Was it really necessary for you to start a new thread rehashing everything you said in the other thread?
It stinks that you didn't do your due diligence and purchased a home you no longer love, but seriously, what you are experiencing is NOT normal, has very little to do with the actual house you purchased, and requires your speaking with a qualified therapist on a very regular basis and for a lonnnnnng time.
 
Old 12-05-2014, 10:43 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,874 posts, read 14,092,305 times
Reputation: 29072
If you have seen a therapist I hope you got some meds. If so, you need to give them at least a couple of weeks to work. The appearance of a house should NEVER put anyone into such a tailspin. Judging from the way you write, perhaps you are in a manic phase of depression. That is something that definitely needs medical attention.

In the meantime, try to chill out and get some perspective. If you don't, you're going to follow your bad decision with another bad decision. You admit you decided too quickly on this house. Now you're deciding too quickly to get rid of it and you'll pick your next house too quickly if you are so desperate to move.

You're in a house you think is unattractive and poorly laid out. How is that the end of the world? Take your time. Enjoy the holiday. In the new year you can do some cosmetic improvements on the house and then put it up for sale. You could have FAR worse problems. Some people don't have a roof over their heads. I know someone who bought a two-story house and when they had been there for only a month, the bathtub fell through the ceiling into their living room. Now THAT'S a person who is entitled to have buyer's remorse.
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