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Old 12-08-2014, 08:54 PM
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,360 posts, read 4,797,582 times
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Originally Posted by cityhopper View Post
The holidays are centered around family, love, joy, sharing, bonding, and happiness. I think the celebration of these things are great. What makes the experience a drag year over year is the reminder that I do not have many of that (not in the traditional sense). I'm okay with being alone but sometimes the winter holiday season can induce the feeling of loneliness.

In the future, if I don't have a family of my own to celebrate with, I hope to be able to afford to travel during the holidays.
Travel sounds like a good plan. I should make a tradition of going overseas or somewhere for Christmas.
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Old 12-09-2014, 01:52 PM
59 posts, read 53,806 times
Reputation: 135
Thanksgiving this year was terrible for me.

Normally it is our favorite holiday but I was just crushed under so many negatives. I felt so cut off from things and had massive arguments all day with my husband.

Our extended families both live miles and miles away and since we're no where near them to create the drama my siblings or my husband's brother and sons do, my husband, son, and me seem to be an after-thought or just an annoyance to be "gotten off the phone asap."

You can have family and "be alone" anyhow on holidays. Find some good friends and create your own traditions. Many people are alone now with long distance living.
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Old 12-09-2014, 03:48 PM
Location: Denver, CO
14 posts, read 37,586 times
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What bothers me about the holidays is that it's a time I'm reminded of how others have closer family ties than the way it was in my family. Half of my family members have passed on, and even when they were alive, family gatherings were oftentimes awkward because of all the dysfunctionality.

Fortunately, as an adult, I've had some memorable holidays with others, but now, as a single senior, I find myself wanting to get the holidays over so I can move forward into a new year.
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Old 12-19-2014, 10:23 PM
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I'm not crazy about holidays because I feel it's much more important how we treat people throughout the year rather than just on special days.

But I found a solution. I had decided that, in retirement I wanted to do personal volunteer work assisting the elderly and shut-ins by picking up prescriptions and groceries for them, as well as running errands and checking in on them regularly. After my stroke in 2006, when I couldnt drive for so long, I came to realize what a real need there is for services like that in my area. There are, of course, companies that will do it for a fee but many elderly and shut-ins cant afford that.

I put up a small sign at my regular doctor's office and was overwhelmed with requests. I'm trying to limit my services to just a few people so I can time to myself, although it's hard to say no to those who seem to be desperate. Originally, I was also going to transport people to doctor appointments, etc but my insurance rates would have been too high for that.

I was surprised to learn how many shut-ins and elderly people have no one with whom to spend the holidays. Dropping in on them for a few minutes, with special meals to share, on Thanksgiving and Christmas makes me feel much less lonesome.

Last edited by TFW46; 12-19-2014 at 10:36 PM..
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Old 12-20-2014, 10:28 PM
289 posts, read 382,900 times
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Originally Posted by PhxBarb View Post
John; I tried to volunteer at the local hospital and submitted an on line application in June. When they finally contacted me in Sept, I had found other stuff to do. Don't give up. Some volunteer coordinators don't know much about how volunteering works and they screw it up. Find one that you would like to do and give them a call. Some organizations have more volunteers than they know what to do with. Others are crying for help. Keep looking !
Boy this is the truth. I tried for over a year to find a volunteer position with many different organizations, some of whom didn't have a volunteer coordinator, and some who just didn't seem to care. Volunteering is worthwhile, though, so you have to hang in there and be persistent with the people you speak to.
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Old 12-21-2014, 09:25 AM
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I understand totally, John. My holidays have been pretty rough since being an only child of divorce with alcoholism in the family. I always thought I would have a family of my own by now, but it never happened. I have spent many holidays alone as well.

Like yourself, I also want to move. I made the mistake of moving to Asheville, NC and I just know it is not for me due to seasonal affective disorder alone and lack of dating and artistic opportunites for me in particular. Thinking about heading back out West again or checking out Florida (a place I know hardly anything about and have only been once.)

But yes, the holidays bring up a lot of stuff from the unconscious. We are forced in this time of darkness (literally) to face our shadows in a Jungian sense as well and it's not easy. I will be glad when they are done.

I can so relate to you in terms of wanting to move somewhere else and starting a new life. I tried to do that here, but it's not for me for a few different reasons. I am so confused and have also thought maybe what I need to do at the end of my lease is move my stuff into my mom's basement and just hit the road for a while until I find the right place. I know it can be said that wherever you go, there you are. That is certainly true, but some places just resonate with us more for different reasons at different times of our lives.

One thing I have learned, is to do a lot of research on places and visit before moving. I felt I kept getting messages to go to Asheville and I didn't spend enough time here first. I had plenty of people telling me that there would be enough light here for me - even someone with SAD, but I have a pretty extreme case and by now this place is getting pretty gloomy at least 1-3 days a week or partial days. I guess I came here to learn that I can't mess around with my SAD anymore and at least that narrows down a lot of options as to where to live. I now have to move somewhere affordable and with high quality sunlight so I can have a better chance of productivity, health, and happiness.

I would say really come up with a list of things you really have to have in your life to grow as a person and be content - and read the negatives about a place and see if those things might bother you enough to be a deal breaker. I wish I would have given the critical reviews of Asheville more credence because the things that bothered those folks who left or want to leave, are exactly what is bothering me, though at first I really thought his was a good move. It has wonderful things about it, but culturally it's not for me and a far cry from what I used to.

I am originally from So. California and I really, in my heart of hearts, have always wanted to move back, but don't think I could afford to. I am now thinking about the Las Vegas/Lake Tahoe area as it is close enough to SoCal in some way and maybe I could drive down to do my art there now and again. What I do as an art form is certainly is not going to prosper in AVL, is the feeling I get.

I am also suffering from another bout of severe depression and it has occurred to me more than ever, to try and bloom where planted, while you are planted, no matter what. Everything is impermanent anyway.
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Old 12-21-2014, 09:43 AM
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,360 posts, read 4,797,582 times
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I don't like the holidays, and haven't for about 6 years now. Once I got divorced, I lost my joy for the holidays. It was slightly better last year because I finally had someone in my life at Christmas, but no more. I think I'm just becoming numb vs severely depressed at the holidays, which is an improvement. My plan is to do what Jews do and go to the movies on Christmas Day this year. I'm treating it as just another day, though I do believe in God. It just sucks not having a family at Christmas. Sadly, I'm getting used to it after 5 years.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:32 PM
11,149 posts, read 10,043,454 times
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People may not admit their dislike of the holiday season for fear of being perceived as a Scrooge, or an outcast. However, in reality there are many who are very glad when the holiday are over.

Being on a forum where we remain anonymous (by choice), we can share our feelings.

And it does get crammed down our throats. Walk into a Hallmark store in July and you'll find they've already put their Christmas ornaments out. If you watch QVC, same thing: July is the start of their Christmas season as well. Ridiculous.

Around Halloween and going forward the media is foaming at the mouth about the upcoming exciting holiday season, black Friday, etc. By the time December rolls around I'm tired of all the hoopla.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:43 PM
Location: Tennessee
28,766 posts, read 49,048,499 times
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The only thing I enjoy about Christmas is the day after food sales at Kroger's when candy and everything Christmas goes on sale like 50% off.

This Christmas I might just take a friend to visit his ex-wife in a nursing home. She doesn't have any family at all and only has her ex-husband left.
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Old 12-22-2014, 02:01 PM
15,421 posts, read 20,793,572 times
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Originally Posted by John1960 View Post
...This Christmas I might just take a friend to visit his ex-wife in a nursing home. She doesn't have any family at all and only has her ex-husband left.

Please do that, John. You'll get so much enjoyment out of it. I used to think that giving needy people (especially struggling single parents) money anonymously was a great thrill -- but I've gotten so much more enjoyment out of running errands for, and helping out, shut-ins and the elderly.

I've always adopted older dogs and loved how much they appreciate everything I do for them. I guess it's the same with shut-ins and elderly people.
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