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Old 12-11-2014, 03:24 PM
 
125 posts, read 242,656 times
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Between the ages of 5 and 7 I was molested by a female babysitter. She was around an older teeanger between the ages of 15-17. I don't think it's appropriate for this forum for a play by play description of what happened, but the reason I am posting is because I don't really think about it too often, but when I do I find that while I am quite uncomfortable thinking about it, I am mostly numb and don't feel any emotion.

I thought people were supposed to be traumatized by things like this Is it just because my perpetrator was female and I am a male? am I just abnormal? Was it because I didn't quite understand what she was doing at the time?

Anyone have any experience in this area that can shed some light on this?
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Old 12-11-2014, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
2,903 posts, read 11,697,507 times
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But it sounds like you were traumatized. Being male (with the perpetrator being female) doesn't make the violation any less traumatic.
And children know when they are being abused even when they don't have the intellectual capacity to articulate what is happening to them or even know to label the experience as abuse.
It can be very challenging for a woman to uncover old and painful feelings when dealing with past abuse. For a man it can be more difficult because of societal expectations that men be more "stoic", less emotional, etc..
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Old 12-11-2014, 11:20 PM
 
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If it does not bother you, then no problem!

What is traumatic to one person may be nothing to someone else. Same with pain. Have a dentist drill into one of my teeth and I am screaming for pain medicine. However, I have a friend who had every single tooth removed to get dentures, was given pain medicine, and never took one pill!
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Old 12-11-2014, 11:25 PM
 
35,107 posts, read 42,521,524 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmantra View Post
Between the ages of 5 and 7 I was molested by a female babysitter. She was around an older teeanger between the ages of 15-17. I don't think it's appropriate for this forum for a play by play description of what happened, but the reason I am posting is because I don't really think about it too often, but when I do I find that while I am quite uncomfortable thinking about it, I am mostly numb and don't feel any emotion.

I thought people were supposed to be traumatized by things like this Is it just because my perpetrator was female and I am a male? am I just abnormal? Was it because I didn't quite understand what she was doing at the time?

Anyone have any experience in this area that can shed some light on this?

Everyone handles things like this differently as they get older and the abuser is out of their lives and the abuse has stopped.
You are not abnormal you have just dealt with it the way that is comfortable and acceptable for you to cope with it.
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Old 12-12-2014, 08:55 AM
 
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
2,903 posts, read 11,697,507 times
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"quite uncomfortable" and "mostly numb" are kinda indicative of some issues around the events of abuse. Being sexually abused and for an extended period of time and at such a young age is traumatic. There's no way it can't be. To what extent the person is aware of the deeper feelings and to what extent that person is able to be well and live well in spite of the abuse is another story.
If the o.p. is balanced and o.k. with his body, sexuality, relationships (especially with women) and there aren't any heavy issues he's dealing with well then that's good. But violation of any kind at any age is traumatic.
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Old 12-12-2014, 07:04 PM
 
4,761 posts, read 11,775,461 times
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Originally Posted by coyoteskye View Post
...But violation of any kind at any age is traumatic.
Please don't speak for me (or the OP if he so wishes).

My brother and I were molested as a kid and it did not bother either of us one bit. We thought it was funny actually. Later the guy was arrested for doing things "more serious than what he did to us". But no biggie so far as I am concerned.

People are different and things are not necessarily traumatic to everyone.
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Old 12-12-2014, 07:29 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
19,649 posts, read 24,712,954 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy_J View Post
Please don't speak for me (or the OP if he so wishes).

My brother and I were molested as a kid and it did not bother either of us one bit. We thought it was funny actually. Later the guy was arrested for doing things "more serious than what he did to us". But no biggie so far as I am concerned.

People are different and things are not necessarily traumatic to everyone.
I agree. Just because there is a culture of trauma and survival out there, does not mean that everyone buys into it.
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Old 12-13-2014, 01:13 AM
 
5 posts, read 4,791 times
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I had a similar experience between 8-10 by a male family member who was only 4 years older than me. I used to not even really think it was abuse because we were so close in age, and abuse is always portrayed as a child being hurt by an adult. It took me well into my teen years to even recognize myself as someone who was sexually abused as a child.

I don't think about it often either. But I now realize how much it has impacted me. I have really unhealthy boundaries with both friends and men I've dated. I haven't ever been able to have a really successful relationship, even though I'm pushing 30. The 6 year relationship I'm in now is very unhealthy and I'm unable to leave. Its a mess so I'll just leave it at that.

I think abuse is portrayed in the media as people thinking about it constantly and having traumatic flashbacks to it. But for myself and other people I know who were abused, it doesn't affect us that way. We live our lives as normal people, and we may even think "wow this hasn't really affected me at all" while all the while it affects us in ways we may not even realize.
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Old 12-13-2014, 08:46 AM
 
4,761 posts, read 11,775,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brayli View Post
...I think abuse is portrayed in the media as people thinking about it constantly and having traumatic flashbacks to it. But for myself and other people I know who were abused, it doesn't affect us that way. We live our lives as normal people, and we may even think "wow this hasn't really affected me at all" while all the while it affects us in ways we may not even realize.
I would say you were traumatized by the experience. Perhaps "damaged" is a better word?

Maybe this could be placed on a scale of 0 to 10 like those pain charts in doctor's offices. Some people might be a 0 - not damaged at all, a 5 - significantly damaged, or a 10 - very extensive damage.

Like I sad above, I am a 0. But I have known a couple of 10s. One of those is close to 40 years old and still has nightmares almost every night from something which happened when he was a small child.

Anyway what actually happened to people can vary from quite minor to some really damaging traumatic things.
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Old 12-14-2014, 05:02 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,616,326 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy_J View Post
If it does not bother you, then no problem!

What is traumatic to one person may be nothing to someone else. Same with pain. Have a dentist drill into one of my teeth and I am screaming for pain medicine. However, I have a friend who had every single tooth removed to get dentures, was given pain medicine, and never took one pill!



OH MY GOSH!!!!
this is insane!!
why do people who have no experience with something so dangerous as untreated sexual abuse
tell someone
NO PROBLEM
I am sorry, but that is just as bad as telling someone you are lying about abuse
I was abused and it almost caused me to commit suicide
denial and stuffing feelings are quite common in abuse
I had no memory until I was 33 and I even had people tell me it was in the past so let it go
gosh, you can cause harm to people
please be aware of that!!!
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