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Old 12-14-2014, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,932 times
Reputation: 69

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida View Post
No, I think that people have specific age-related goals (like wanting to get an advanced degree by the age of 25), but not a death cut-off. Which seems like of silly to me. To kill yourself over not meeting the right woman is as silly - or even sillier really - as women being frantic when they're not married by the age of 30.

I would think that, since you do have a specific goal, rather than moping about your options closing down, you would do better to take stock of the situation. For instance, what have you been doing so far toward your goal? What could you be doing instead? Why do you think you've had no success? Are you sure you're presenting yourself in the best manner?
I've done A LOT for A LONG time now. I try to be the best person I can be. I'm in a better place than a lot of guys. I wouldn't be at this point if I haven't been making an effort. I guess I fail because I must be ugly. I don't know what else is. Your patronizing me isn't going to change the situation.
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Old 12-14-2014, 03:44 PM
 
1,593 posts, read 1,919,447 times
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Well are you ugly?

It's not a death sentence, it does mean you are going to need to work around that particular obstacle and put yourself out there more.
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Old 12-14-2014, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,932 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eastcoasting View Post
Well are you ugly?

It's not a death sentence, it does mean you are going to need to work around that particular obstacle and put yourself out there more.
You tell me. Friends and co-workers tell me I'm attractive... but I don't seem to attract anything. I used to. I've dated some really pretty girls, but these days, it's nothing.

I put myself out there plenty. Who said I don't?
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Old 12-14-2014, 03:55 PM
 
11,034 posts, read 10,171,349 times
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Trying to be the best person you can be is certainly commendable but doesn't necessarily lead to dating. If that's your idea of making an effort, no wonder you're not having much luck.

Ugly or not, it's possible that either your wardrobe needs some sprucing up, your person needs some sprucing up, or your demeanor/presentation needs some work.
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Old 12-14-2014, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,932 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida View Post
Trying to be the best person you can be is certainly commendable but doesn't necessarily lead to dating. If that's your idea of making an effort, no wonder you're not having much luck.

Ugly or not, it's possible that either your wardrobe needs some sprucing up, your person needs some sprucing up, or your demeanor/presentation needs some work.
My wardrobe is fine, I wear Jeremy Argyle, Perry Ellis shirts etc. at work, band shirts etc. when I'm at the pub or coffee shop. It ain't exactly a fashion contest in the places I like to hang. I know how to fit my crowds. I don't dress any worse than other guys who are successful.
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Old 12-14-2014, 04:05 PM
 
11,034 posts, read 10,171,349 times
Reputation: 14278
Quote:
Originally Posted by mAD_straKt View Post
My wardrobe is fine, I wear Jeremy Argyle, Perry Ellis shirts etc. at work, band shirts etc. when I'm at the pub or coffee shop. It ain't exactly a fashion contest in the places I like to hang. I know how to fit my crowds. I don't dress any worse than other guys who are successful.
Who knows? Maybe it's your personality. I've spent time in Scottsdale and find most people there pretty dull.

On the other hand, I haven't had any sense from your post that you've made efforts toward what others might do, such as join groups. I don't even have any sense that you've discussed it with your brother. Maybe you should consider a therapist.
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Old 12-14-2014, 05:12 PM
 
Location: I'm out searching for me... If you see me, let me know... ;--)
3,551 posts, read 1,997,189 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mAD_straKt View Post
One can always find worse scenarios in the world. It doesn't make my personal experience any better. I'm not interested in starting over, just in getting started. I don't understand why it's so impossible to find a woman who feels the same way.
The need to share, be loved, listened to is a great need in all of us. It is not limited to a spouse but sometimes I feel if I just had a husband, I'd be okay. He'd be the starting point. I'd find the other people I need then. And be happy. So, the two (friendships that sustain us and a caring spouse) go hand in hand. If either is lacking life can be a drudgery and seemingly not worth living.

I know- I've been there too. I am over 40 and alone. It is disheartening to feel so alone and feel like life will never happen- at least not the way I WANT it to happen! That depresses me to no end. Makes me feel like you do. Why is this all worth it??

But as long as I am searching for Mr. Right but not loving myself as if he were here, I am always going to be unhappy. Because one person (or a roomful for that matter) cannot make us happy. Only we can make ourselves happy.

That sounds like a cliché. And it is. Again, I go through what I hear you saying- that life is not worth it alone, without your love, someone to share it. It is tougher than some people think. And just because one person can get through not having the love of their life or have greater hardships than that, does not make it easy for you to deal with your pain.

I am trying to make my life worth living without the key people I am missing. I am not there yet. But I am trying and will continue to try and never give up- on a life worth living AND a loving spouse.

Best wishes to you. Hang in and keep figuring your life out. Bless you.

P.S. I just reread my statement: He'd (my spouse) would be my starting point and I'd find other people... Actually I am my starting point and if I withhold believing in myself and my life until I find those other people, I am missing a whole lot!
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Old 12-14-2014, 05:19 PM
 
Location: I'm out searching for me... If you see me, let me know... ;--)
3,551 posts, read 1,997,189 times
Reputation: 8070
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida View Post
Who knows? Maybe it's your personality. I've spent time in Scottsdale and find most people there pretty dull.

On the other hand, I haven't had any sense from your post that you've made efforts toward what others might do, such as join groups. I don't even have any sense that you've discussed it with your brother. Maybe you should consider a therapist.
It is not your personality. You, maD_straKT sound like a smart, persistent guy who is searching hard for what you need. Give yourself credit for this! Don't make this imagined women more important than yourself. (And I will try not to do so too )
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Old 12-14-2014, 05:30 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,360 posts, read 4,800,443 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by mAD_straKt View Post
I was really thinking about this tonight: I would love nothing more than to finally get my life on track. To meet a woman to share my prime years with, explore the ins-and-outs of life: Travel, explore, experience, & reflect together... and with similar other unencumbered couples as well... and go from there to a decade or so down the road to settle down, as they say.

I see my younger brother and his wife doing all those things right now, as well as many friends at work, etc., but I dunno... I feel completely left out... and the clock is ticking. Nothing I ever seem to do, or achieve is good enough to get me any closer to that. I'm 37 now... I'll be 38 in March...

I kinda feel like I'm closing in on the end of my chances here. With the internet age, numbers are GOD, and increments of ten are the end all of everything. I'm thinking that the reality is: If I'm still out of phase when I turn 40, and cannot get on that path by then, it's probably time to give up and shut it all down. Take the gun to the head. No joke. I don't mean that in a depressive manner, but in a pragmatic one, really. I'm really tired of working so hard at everything, bettering myself, trying to help others, contributing at a job, expressing my art, skill, etc... only to remain invisible. It's gotten really old. I think I'm just done on my 40th birthday. No one will really mind if I vacate, I'm pretty sure.

Anyone else have a cutoff like this, or is it just me?
I sort of do. My life pretty much ended at 40 when I got divorced. Six years later I'm in a great job, but not happy because I'm a manager and suck at it. I figure if I fail at this job and lose it, I'll do the same thing. I don't really have anyone and all my dreams of having a family and a good life blew up on me. Yes, I make good money, but who cares if I'm alone? There's a fairly good chance I won't make it to 50. Nobody would miss me.
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Old 12-14-2014, 05:47 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,932 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida View Post
Who knows? Maybe it's your personality. I've spent time in Scottsdale and find most people there pretty dull.
Why do people automatically assume I hang out in friggin' Scottsdale?! Do I look like I like to hang out in Scottsdale? I work in Scottsdale, and therefore I live in Scottsdale. Eff that commuting racket. I've done it for too many years. I'd rather drive a few times a week to the places I like to hang out outside the rush hour, as opposed to doing that gridlock nonsense ten times a week.

I tend to hang out in Tempe or downtown Phoenix in places that the hipper & more arty/muso-oriented crowd hangs out. I get that I don't fit in up here and that the women are grotesquely superficial. I'm an creative (industrial designer) that actually works a corporate job. I've leveraged that pretty well (though it took half a lifetime to pull off) and I make good money doing what I love.



Quote:
On the other hand, I haven't had any sense from your post that you've made efforts toward what others might do, such as join groups. I don't even have any sense that you've discussed it with your brother. Maybe you should consider a therapist.
I've been going to therapists on-and-off for years. I've been joining groups on-and-off for years. They pretty much suck (maybe just down here). I can't even begin to tell you how much effort I've put into online dating. It seems everyone hitches up through their social circles, and the MeetUp crap is this awkward, loaded situation for people with ulterior motives. I dunno, the non-singles stuff I've done isn't too bad, but they're full of couples.
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