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Old 12-14-2014, 08:46 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,620 times
Reputation: 69

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Quote:
Originally Posted by texdav View Post
Do you ever see candidates for just what you describe?
I see women I'm attracted to. See barista story above. That doesn't make them candidates (if you can't make positive eye contact, you're not a candidate, and that's just the start of it), more unknowns that you have no idea if they parallel you in life. For example, there are A LOT of women at work I would definitely give a shot to... however, they are ALL taken. That's a known.

Out in the wild, it's a tougher bet. Women aren't exactly easy to engage sporadically. I don't have approach anxiety, but I know from the past that it's usually a waste of time (and I've had women waste their time on me just the same)... it's awkward. There's no social vetting in that process. Beyond that, they're so locked down in their cliques (usually with guys) it's extremely rough as a guy if you're a loner like myself, to make inroads. That insular nature of things is particularly prevalent in the alternative community where the mingling is less and social proof (through acquaintances) is much higher. In fact, last week, I was at a table talking to a bunch of guys who leered across to a table full of women (and two or three men) locked into spirited (and spirit-fueled) conversation, and one guy said to me, "Man, it's so impossible to to meet women when they're all locked up in their groups like this." I couldn't argue. Truth.

It's not that I can't. Women will give you a go-ahead look sometimes (very rarely for me), and I'm not averse to chatting someone up. A few weeks ago, I had a situation like that where I chatted a pretty girl up (turns out she was a Toni & Guy model), based on that we had similar vape devices, and we flirted it up pretty good. It kinda went south on a number of fronts: she was really interested in how much money I made, a boyfriend was mentioned, and by the end of the night she was such a lush that her friends had to babysit her. So yeah: Attractive... that's one thing. A 'candidate'? Not even. Myself and Atlguy39 will be dead of old age (let alone something else) if we rely on that particular hook to meet women. Again, I wish online dating worked... or friends, family, coworkers, or acquaintances would hook a brotha up. I still think that's the no.1 way to meet women.
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Old 12-14-2014, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,620 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eastcoasting View Post
Well guys I'm stumped but I wish you luck.

Just to be clear you aren't getting any attention from women or just not attention from supermodel looking women.
Actually... read my model story above. I'm not going to say it's the norm, but I've dated girls with modeling portfolios in the past, but it's HARDLY what I look for. A good four-fifths of my girlfriends couldn't have modeled if they wanted to. I'm not super picky. Don't get me wrong, the attraction has to be there... and I actually prefer "cute" over "modelesque", but that's secondary to finding someone I can connect with emotionally, intellectually, and personality-wise, and in the longer run, sexually and with respect to my place in life. I'm fine with all races, any heights, hair color (yes, even the crazy ones... actually, especially the crazy ones), a lot of different types... and different physiques from fit, to rail thin, to "cute" chubby, to burlesque voluptuous... I'm mainly just not attracted to obese/pear-shaped, and burnt out women (wrinkly, smoking & sun damage, stuck in the 80s/90s, etc.).

Other than her, the last attention I got was in the form of complements from three (blatantly underage) girls, on two different occasions, at the mall near where I work, a college-age barista in that same mall (who said my beard was "on point!"... LOL), and a 20-something gay guy at the bar who complimented my physique (mainly my posterior) and wanted to cop a feel. I let him. I'll take the compliment where I can get it. There's a pattern of women who are interested in me being way too young, or way too old (like Atlguy39 said, unattractive 50-somethings trying to cougar it up or whatever). It's not fun being stuck here. It's literally depressing.

Last edited by mAD_straKt; 12-14-2014 at 09:18 PM..
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Old 12-14-2014, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,620 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Don't get me started with OLD. Its the worst. Theoretically it should be great. I have good pictures up, wrote a good profile, but it still doesn't get their attention. It does get the attention of unattractive 45-55 yr old women, and I'm looking for early 30's-early 40's since I'd like a family and find younger women much more attractive. People say I look 35, so why not keep trying? The issue is they all cut thier search off at 39. So, OLD definitely does not wok for me in my 40's.
That's just it. The way the sites and/or people use the metrics, you're dead at 40. Thirty-something women coming into their prime won't see you (but still get all tingly over Brad Pitt), and washed-up, 47 year old moms with a traincar of baggage think you're somehow game.

If I got any peeks at my profile, that's exactly who it was. It's not necessarily about their age, it's the inappropriateness in terms of compatibility sought (most were also devout, unfit, uneducated, unhip, unprofessional, conservative, blue collar, not into the arts, etc.... i.e. the polar opposite of me). They're the female version of 20-something male douchebags spamming serious womens' profiles trying to get casual sex. They're NOT engaging compatible people. The whole thing is just ludicrous when it comes to who actually sees whom.

Last edited by mAD_straKt; 12-14-2014 at 09:52 PM..
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Old 12-15-2014, 07:14 PM
 
Location: I'm out searching for me... If you see me, let me know... ;--)
3,546 posts, read 1,982,283 times
Reputation: 8065
The discussion about meeting so many people that aren't candidates makes me think... maybe searching for love where you always have isn't working. Kind of what I said already. But really, if what you've been doing- meeting random people, meeting and greeting and then, since it didn't lead you anywhere, you have to moving on. Maybe that is a hint to change.

The way to discover love is to do what you love to fulfill you life. Become fully vested in your life. Is searching through random meetings fulfilling you?

And as I write this, I am learning it for myself. What I have done hasn't worked for me. I have to believe that finding what I love and doing it, will bring me into company of like-minded people. Those people are the people I'll have a better chance with forming relationships. I hope anyway!
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Old 12-15-2014, 07:22 PM
 
Location: Arvada, CO
13,491 posts, read 25,493,213 times
Reputation: 13588
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Flower View Post
The way to discover love is to do what you love to fulfill you life. Become fully vested in your life. Is searching through random meetings fulfilling you?

And as I write this, I am learning it for myself. What I have done hasn't worked for me. I have to believe that finding what I love and doing it, will bring me into company of like-minded people. Those people are the people I'll have a better chance with forming relationships. I hope anyway!
I absolutely love this attitude. Especially the sentence in bold.

Even those of us who have what many of you seek (love), there is still plenty to get down about.

I'm of the school that wherever you are in life at the current moment is where you are supposed to be. The "me" I expected to be growing up is nothing like what I am now, and I am immensely glad for it. Things could not have turned out better, what I need to figure out is how not to take the wonderful things I have for granted, and not perversely crave other things I don't have.

Do you, as you only get the opportunity to do you once. I wish I had learned that sooner.
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Old 12-15-2014, 07:43 PM
 
Location: I'm out searching for me... If you see me, let me know... ;--)
3,546 posts, read 1,982,283 times
Reputation: 8065
Quote:
Originally Posted by David Aguilar View Post
I absolutely love this attitude. Especially the sentence in bold.

Even those of us who have what many of you seek (love), there is still plenty to get down about.

I'm of the school that wherever you are in life at the current moment is where you are supposed to be. The "me" I expected to be growing up is nothing like what I am now, and I am immensely glad for it. Things could not have turned out better, what I need to figure out is how not to take the wonderful things I have for granted, and not perversely crave other things I don't have.

Do you, as you only get the opportunity to do you once. I wish I had learned that sooner.
I agree about finding a way to cherish what we have, minimize what we miss, at least what we think is missing. Time will tell if it was a good thing to miss or if it shows up! Either way, I bet we'll be lucky!

And you are very right: this is true even when you have love. AND I have to admit I have people who DO love me and I appreciate them greatly!
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Old 12-15-2014, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Arvada, CO
13,491 posts, read 25,493,213 times
Reputation: 13588
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Flower View Post
I agree about finding a way to cherish what we have, minimize what we miss, at least what we think is missing. Time will tell if it was a good thing to miss or if it shows up! Either way, I bet we'll be lucky!

And you are very right: this is true even when you have love. AND I have to admit I have people who DO love me and I appreciate them greatly!
, rep and message received as well!
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Old 12-16-2014, 02:34 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,620 times
Reputation: 69
You hippies want to take this conversation elsewhere?

S**t, this cosmological-deterministic stright-out-of-the-pages-of 'The Secret' stuff is just as bad as Bible humpers who want me to love the lord & savoir just to find existential love and peace. Seems like both the left and the right make me want to put a gun to my head at the same time, as opposed to either of you understanding what pragmatism and realism are in the context or actual f**king life.

Enjoy your nonsensical thousands+ of posts, all you armchair Dr. Phils of the world. You won the Internets. Atlguy39 and myself will go where everyones' not on communion cakes and bong rips, thanks. Try to keep our sanity.

Last edited by mAD_straKt; 12-16-2014 at 02:54 AM..
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Old 12-16-2014, 04:14 AM
 
Location: I'm out searching for me... If you see me, let me know... ;--)
3,546 posts, read 1,982,283 times
Reputation: 8065
Quote:
Originally Posted by mAD_straKt View Post
You hippies want to take this conversation elsewhere?

S**t, this cosmological-deterministic stright-out-of-the-pages-of 'The Secret' stuff is just as bad as Bible humpers who want me to love the lord & savoir just to find existential love and peace. Seems like both the left and the right make me want to put a gun to my head at the same time, as opposed to either of you understanding what pragmatism and realism are in the context or actual f**king life.

Enjoy your nonsensical thousands+ of posts, all you armchair Dr. Phils of the world. You won the Internets. Atlguy39 and myself will go where everyones' not on communion cakes and bong rips, thanks. Try to keep our sanity.

I HAVE wanted to die when my own frustrations were too much! I was trying to understand. I was not trying to give you some new age philosophy.
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Old 12-16-2014, 12:08 PM
 
Location: SoCal
135 posts, read 190,231 times
Reputation: 165
H*ll, I've "known" you on the internet for five minutes and can see why no one would want a relationship with you! You are looking for someone that "mirrors" your thoughts, actions, desires, attitude, etc., etc. Your "pirate" ad is ridiculous. You love yourself and that's great- but not everyone is YOU. Is this how you greet women when you meet them? Is there an interrogation on the first date or do you wait for the second date? It's obvious you have a defined idea of what is "perfect" but I'm here to tell ya- you won't find another you. Is that what you really want? Someone exactly like yourself? How boring is that gonna get? LOL! Will you talk to each other about how you agree on everything? Then again, why talk- you already know what the other person thinks! It will be vanilla ice cream every day of your lives! That sounds like the perfect life to me! sarcasm off

Just relax a little bit. Enjoy your life. Take the time to get to know people. Don't write people off immediately. Appreciate that someone else has a thought that's valid.
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