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Old 12-16-2014, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Arvada, CO
13,526 posts, read 25,589,460 times
Reputation: 13632

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mAD_straKt View Post
You hippies want to take this conversation elsewhere?

S**t, this cosmological-deterministic stright-out-of-the-pages-of 'The Secret' stuff is just as bad as Bible humpers who want me to love the lord & savoir just to find existential love and peace. Seems like both the left and the right make me want to put a gun to my head at the same time, as opposed to either of you understanding what pragmatism and realism are in the context or actual f**king life.

Enjoy your nonsensical thousands+ of posts, all you armchair Dr. Phils of the world. You won the Internets. Atlguy39 and myself will go where everyones' not on communion cakes and bong rips, thanks. Try to keep our sanity.
If you had your sanity you wouldn't be here. There's nothing sane about wanting to pull the trigger on oneself in three years.

I enjoyed your assumptions, I don't know about Wild Flower, but I am quite anti-religion, and don't partake in the weed (or any other drugs). I don't even know what "The Secret" is.

I have a pretty good idea as to what your problem is, but you're too dense and self-absorbed that you wouldn't understand it if somebody tried explaining it to you. I think Atlguy is just having a run of bad luck, he'll eventually find his way without wallowing in it (which is exactly what you're doing, and want others to do with you).

Good luck nonetheless.
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Old 12-16-2014, 04:01 PM
 
5,239 posts, read 7,019,461 times
Reputation: 11345
Quote:
Originally Posted by mAD_straKt View Post
One can always find worse scenarios in the world. It doesn't make my personal experience any better. I'm not interested in starting over, just in getting started. I don't understand why it's so impossible to find a woman who feels the same way.
Sometimes realizing that people have it much worse does make one appreciate ones own situation a bit more even if it does really suck.

It's hard to find the right match. But with the wrong one, you will be worse off still. Look at dating/relationship sites and you can see the numbers searching for their own special person, also counting the months and years as they drift by. You are hardly alone with this frustration. Volunteer at an animal shelter or two, mostly females there, and they tend to be non superficial types too. The sad fact is life is hard and ya often don't get what ya think ya deserve.
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Old 12-16-2014, 04:16 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,903 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by David Aguilar View Post
I have a pretty good idea as to what your problem is, but you're too dense and self-absorbed that you wouldn't understand it if somebody tried explaining it to you. I think
Try me.
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Old 12-16-2014, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,903 times
Reputation: 69
And hey, I'm sorry for lashing out. But I'm massively depressed, having thoughts about suicide and death, and posting on a mental health forum. What do you expect? Cut me some slack.

Frankly, if I could only help Atlguy or myself, I would do him the solid... If that means anything. It's a tough thing to watch.
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Old 12-16-2014, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Arvada, CO
13,526 posts, read 25,589,460 times
Reputation: 13632
Quote:
Originally Posted by mAD_straKt View Post
Try me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mAD_straKt View Post
And hey, I'm sorry for lashing out. But I'm massively depressed, having thoughts about suicide and death, and posting on a mental health forum. What do you expect? Cut me some slack.
You need to cut yourself some slack too. Your statement puts an incredible amount of pressure on yourself to perform a set of tasks in an incredibly short amount of time. Doing that will only make things worse on yourself mentally.

Why not give yourself another ultimatum, like if "I'm 40 and not married/etc, I'm quitting my job and moving to Alaska" (for example)?

I know you don't want to hear gushy stuff, but reading about a guy dying of a heart attack at 39, or even 54, absolutely terrifies me. I don't want to be that guy. I want to retire and have more time for the things I am interested in. I am only 31, but I feel I have plenty to look forward to as I get older, however, mortality is something that is just now becoming clear (when you're young you think life lasts forever).

I don't want to sound like a jerk, but ITT you have really come off as one, it's almost no wonder (). Your approach, attitude, and outlook are indicative of what you're feeling. There's no way you could be a happy person if you wanted to end it all because nobody cared. The way you act, and the net results of the way you act, is what is driving you to these feelings. Change your attitude. You don't even have to be gushy, just brighter in some way. There's something you must be doing to shoo away good juju.

Some of your thoughts in this thread resemble thoughts written in manifestos. Like you've been wronged by an invisible force and/or people, and the world owes it to you, and instead of directly taking it out on the world, you want to take out on yourself. It's not your fault though. Just relax, there's still time.
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Last edited by Count David; 12-17-2014 at 12:56 AM..
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Old 12-16-2014, 10:00 PM
 
9,409 posts, read 5,809,927 times
Reputation: 16000
The prevailing American viewpoint is that our destiny is in our own hands, that enough dedication will cause the most parched dirt to bear fruit, and therefore unhappiness or failures in life are largely one's own fault. Americans are convinced that all accidents are preventable, that all progress stems from personal verve, and that no gap between extant reality and aspirations can't be bridged given sufficient alacrity, hustling and determination. In such a climate, there seems to be no quarter given to the vagaries and pitfalls of life, or to persons overwrought by them. It's an easy creed for those who've simply been lucky, or who prepared themselves properly during their formative years. It's less easy to espouse such a creed when reality obtrudes.

Matters are exacerbated by the enduring custom of the male acting as initiator and aggressor. This seems not to have been obviated by any gender-egalitarianism, even in the most pluralistic Western societies.

The best remedy that I could suggest to the OP, and perhaps even to my own self, is to dispense with the personal inhibitions that preclude our flamboyantly approaching anyone and everyone. This can be done, I think, not by dehumanizing women or by treating human interactions as a mere game, but from a sense of having nothing to lose. If a lifetime of experience has come to naught, then we lose nothing further by potentially embarrassing ourselves, by causing commotion or somehow lowering our station in society. The real fear of rejection is not the pain of being rejected per se, but of losing face, or behaving in boorish or unseemly manner. This fear needs to be renounced. Society seems to censure more those who out of reticence or passivity fail to try, than those who fail. So, again: one needs to nurture the feeling that one has nothing to lose. Perhaps such frontier-mentality will indeed fulfill its own prophesy, of seizing happiness from otherwise barren dirt.
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Old 12-17-2014, 06:50 AM
 
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
2,766 posts, read 2,406,797 times
Reputation: 2347
Quote:
Originally Posted by mAD_straKt View Post
I was really thinking about this tonight: I would love nothing more than to finally get my life on track. To meet a woman to share my prime years with, explore the ins-and-outs of life: Travel, explore, experience, & reflect together... and with similar other unencumbered couples as well... and go from there to a decade or so down the road to settle down, as they say.

I see my younger brother and his wife doing all those things right now, as well as many friends at work, etc., but I dunno... I feel completely left out... and the clock is ticking. Nothing I ever seem to do, or achieve is good enough to get me any closer to that. I'm 37 now... I'll be 38 in March...

I kinda feel like I'm closing in on the end of my chances here. With the internet age, numbers are GOD, and increments of ten are the end all of everything. I'm thinking that the reality is: If I'm still out of phase when I turn 40, and cannot get on that path by then, it's probably time to give up and shut it all down. Take the gun to the head. No joke. I don't mean that in a depressive manner, but in a pragmatic one, really. I'm really tired of working so hard at everything, bettering myself, trying to help others, contributing at a job, expressing my art, skill, etc... only to remain invisible. It's gotten really old. I think I'm just done on my 40th birthday. No one will really mind if I vacate, I'm pretty sure.

Anyone else have a cutoff like this, or is it just me?
Have you read any Eckhart Tolle? I think you might find it helpful if you haven't. Look him up on YouTube. All our goals we have for ourselves are just stories we have in our heads that control us and make us miserable when they don't pan out.

What if the story you're actually living is, in some way, what you really want, and the story you think you should be living but are not is just somebody else's fiction imposed on your mind?

What if you already have everything you need for contentment and adding to it would only ruin it?

You think other people are easy? Other people are work. Other people require the channeling of energy away from maintaining your own contentment into maintaining both theirs and yours. Most relationships are a compromise over energy.

And yet I haven't found a better conversationalist to listen to than the wind. No awkward silences.


Think about it.
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Old 12-17-2014, 06:57 PM
 
5,239 posts, read 7,019,461 times
Reputation: 11345
OP, What have you done reference the depression? Have you tried meds, psychobable therapy/self help crap books/videos (by people that haven't a clue about living with depression), hypnosis, acupuncture, herbal supplements? Is your depression situational or have you always had some signs of it? Do you have a close family, anyone that cares? Being alone in the boat is difficult, more so when sick. And it's hard to fake it, at least for some of us with severe depression it sure is. What kind of changes can you make in life to give you a new outlook and start? Relocation, change of career, perhaps moving to Asia to teach English? I know a guy from the UK that did that, he found a girl there too and is happy. The same rut only gets one deeper in the sand trap. I hope ya feel better, this time of year makes it worse on many folks suffering and alone. Best of luck to ya.

Skankapotomus, The cold north wind provides little solace. I prefer pets over the wind, as they love ya anyway, despite problems and hangups.

Ohio Pesant, I think most people know that luck is real and that some of the dumbest got to the top by connections, money and what they were willing to do to get there. One need only look at the George W. Bush to see what luck and connections can do.
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Old 12-18-2014, 10:27 AM
 
2,546 posts, read 6,274,911 times
Reputation: 1990
Yes, I'm so unhappy and it's to late to try to get on track at this point to make something of myself.
Winning atleast 1 million would make me happy, change my life and make life worth sticking around for with the means to do so but I haven't won. So ending my life is the best option. I won't be missed.
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