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Old 12-12-2014, 02:13 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,932 times
Reputation: 69

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I was really thinking about this tonight: I would love nothing more than to finally get my life on track. To meet a woman to share my prime years with, explore the ins-and-outs of life: Travel, explore, experience, & reflect together... and with similar other unencumbered couples as well... and go from there to a decade or so down the road to settle down, as they say.

I see my younger brother and his wife doing all those things right now, as well as many friends at work, etc., but I dunno... I feel completely left out... and the clock is ticking. Nothing I ever seem to do, or achieve is good enough to get me any closer to that. I'm 37 now... I'll be 38 in March...

I kinda feel like I'm closing in on the end of my chances here. With the internet age, numbers are GOD, and increments of ten are the end all of everything. I'm thinking that the reality is: If I'm still out of phase when I turn 40, and cannot get on that path by then, it's probably time to give up and shut it all down. Take the gun to the head. No joke. I don't mean that in a depressive manner, but in a pragmatic one, really. I'm really tired of working so hard at everything, bettering myself, trying to help others, contributing at a job, expressing my art, skill, etc... only to remain invisible. It's gotten really old. I think I'm just done on my 40th birthday. No one will really mind if I vacate, I'm pretty sure.

Anyone else have a cutoff like this, or is it just me?

Last edited by mAD_straKt; 12-12-2014 at 02:21 AM..
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Old 12-12-2014, 02:19 AM
 
Location: Arvada, CO
13,526 posts, read 25,598,809 times
Reputation: 13637
No, that sounds awful.

Life is not a destination. Things won't magically be better when you get X, Y, and Z....that's not how it works.

What is it you feel that you don't do, or aren't doing right?

This one gets me through tough times:
Quote:
“Be content with what you have; rejoice in the
way things are. When you realize there is nothing
lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”
-Lao Tzu
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Old 12-12-2014, 02:32 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,932 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by David Aguilar View Post
No, that sounds awful.

Life is not a destination. Things won't magically be better when you get X, Y, and Z....that's not how it works.
Actually, it does work like that, so long as you're included. And I'm quite close to burnt out on that at this point, I'll admit. I crave a sense of normalcy in my world. My experiences have always been distanced from that. I have nothing to offer the other side of that curve. I want no part of it. No uptake by forty, I think I'm taking the rest of the big bang off. Simple as that.
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Old 12-12-2014, 05:53 AM
 
6,035 posts, read 3,307,587 times
Reputation: 27038
Quote:
Originally Posted by mAD_straKt View Post
No one will really mind if I vacate, I'm pretty sure.

Anyone else have a cutoff like this, or is it just me?
I am pretty sure you will traumatize a few people in your life if you do that. It will haunt them forever.

I get you. It has to be distressing not to have what you want.

Have you tried that popular meetup.com?
I actually go to a knitting meetup once a month. Good to be social once in awhile. I have met some nice people. They have all kinds of people with all kinds of interests for the meet ups. As an introvert it was a bit uncomfortable showing up at a place where I knew no one. But it was a good thing. There are some meet ups for people who are interested in travel. Try it, you might meet someone you like.
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Old 12-12-2014, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,932 times
Reputation: 69
It is what it is. People in my life have been good to me, to be certain, but they've never once helped out, tried to set me up, etc.

Yes, I've tried Meetups, a bunch of times. No one expresses any interest in me, or they're women that I wouldn't be interested in still not expressing any interest in me. The non-singles ones are full of coupled people.

I'm pretty social, actually. I get out fairly regularly. I wouldn't call myself an introvert. I'm not super extroverted either. Somewhere in the middle.
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Old 12-12-2014, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
6,427 posts, read 3,248,569 times
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How is your mental state? Any moods issues? Do you feel cheerful or cheerless, motivated or flat, things like that?

How is your physical health? Are you in good shape? Fitness?

Have you considered joining a hiking group or similar? I've found that hiking in the hills and woods always lifts my spirits but it's not something I can do on my own.
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Old 12-13-2014, 04:22 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,932 times
Reputation: 69
I'm depressed on and off, but I'm a functional depressive. The type of guy if you told one of my friends, they'd reply, "What? Really?"

I go to the gym three days a week. That's slipped a bit since I've recently moved and the holiday season is upon us, but I'll get back in the rhythm.

Not really into hiking. My skin and the sun don't get along. I like working out alone. Putting in the earbuds, pushing myself, and getting it done. I cardio and lift heavy mostly. I prefer my social activities low key and free of distractions.
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Old 12-13-2014, 11:34 PM
 
5,239 posts, read 7,021,520 times
Reputation: 11345
Those over 40 would love to have a redo. 40 certainly isn't the end of hope. I'm a mess actually, weaker and barely functioning and I still do for those that have less, so to hear ya say 40 is the end for you, makes me rather sick. When you are on the other side of 55, alone and hopeless, we'll talk. I understand the frustration, but life offers no guarantees. I read about a bus blown up in the Philippines by Islamic nut cases. 11 people dead, many more injured. Mostly youngsters of high school and college age, the youngest killed by the 81 millimeter mortar was a 5 year old. Now folks that rely on the buses are afraid to take them. So life isn't perfect for ya, it's disappointing for many. Do the best you can for yourself and others. Be grateful it's not worse.
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Old 12-14-2014, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
90 posts, read 70,932 times
Reputation: 69
One can always find worse scenarios in the world. It doesn't make my personal experience any better. I'm not interested in starting over, just in getting started. I don't understand why it's so impossible to find a woman who feels the same way.
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Old 12-14-2014, 03:00 PM
 
11,034 posts, read 10,171,349 times
Reputation: 14278
No, I think that people have specific age-related goals (like wanting to get an advanced degree by the age of 25), but not a death cut-off. Which seems like of silly to me. To kill yourself over not meeting the right woman is as silly - or even sillier really - as women being frantic when they're not married by the age of 30.

I would think that, since you do have a specific goal, rather than moping about your options closing down, you would do better to take stock of the situation. For instance, what have you been doing so far toward your goal? What could you be doing instead? Why do you think you've had no success? Are you sure you're presenting yourself in the best manner?
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