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Old 12-14-2014, 03:58 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,504 posts, read 22,825,560 times
Reputation: 23724

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Start by losing your boyfriend.

He is a completely clueless jerk and you will not get better without someone more emotionally supportive in your life.

Then make an appt with a therapist specializing in depression and sexual abuse. You need help honey, and I know you know that. But the good news is, you CAN get through this and on to a better life.

Make that call first thing Monday okay?

^^^ this!!


Depression can cause crazy symptoms to your body. I was with s boyfriend for several years. I knew I was unhappy, it was very difficult to leave.i had exactly the symptoms you are describing. Dump the boyfriend and start therapy. ((Hugs)) it's hard, build a support group of good friends. One thing at a time.
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Old 12-14-2014, 04:47 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,615,784 times
Reputation: 1939
Quote:
Originally Posted by brayli View Post
I'll start by saying I know this isn't the proper way to be diagnosed. I'm just looking for some insight from other people who may have experienced the things that I am going through.

I'm a woman in my late 20s. Ever since my teen years, I have suffered from bouts of depression. I should probably mention I was sexually abused as a child and never told my parents or went to therapy. I told my parents I was depressed and they just thought it was normal teen angst / puberty and ignored it, even when I said I wanted to kill myself. I swear my parents are not bad people, they just had a lot going on at the time.

For the past year my depression has returned very fiercely, accompanied by mood swings. My boyfriend of six years half way believes I have some form of bipolar disorder. I can't really take him all that seriously because he has no experience with bipolar disorder, he isn't a doctor, and he has diagnosed me with three or four other disorders as well.

I don't have the mania associated with bipolar disorder. My mood goes from very depressed with the desire to harm myself or even commit suicide, to feeling ok. Once in a while my mood will be good enough to feel hopeful. I'll actually have some energy (I usually have none), laugh, and I'll even plan projects and think about the future in a positive way. But it isn't to the level of mania. I just feel like a normal person. But within one to three days I'll crash again and go back to planning my suicide and crying for no reason. I'll usually go through these three stages at least once every 1-2 weeks.

I have a lot of reasons to be depressed right now. I am in a relationship I'm not too happy in but I find it difficult to leave, I'm completely unsuccessful in my career, a close family member is terminally ill, and I have financial problems. There are way too many things wrong to list here. But even with all these problems, I still feel like my level of depression is abnormal.

I'm also experiencing moderate aching joints, trouble focusing on things, headaches, and mild memory loss. The worst of my memory loss happened a month ago. I was in one room of my home when I suddenly thought "how did I get here?" The last thing I remembered was being in another room, but I couldn't remember walking into the current room. My boyfriend says I am spacey and just day dream too much and that's why I didn't remember. I do day dream a lot, but I've never forgotten how I got somewhere before.

I really want to go to therapy, but my boyfriend is completely against it and is trying to pressure me not to go. I have no insurance and we have no money. We are behind on basic bills, and he is the sole breadwinner right now and doesn't want to pay for therapy.

He believes my problems are simple. I am depressed because I think about my own feelings too much and I'm a little too self-centered. I'm depressed because I'm not grateful for what I do have and think too much about what I don't have and can't "make the best of things." And the list goes on. He says if I address those issues, I'll be happier and feel better and won't need therapy.

I would like to finally address the sexual abuse I went through as a kid also. I don't get why he is so against it. His last girlfriend before me was raped and he applauded her for going to therapy, so I don't know why I'm different.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Has anyone had similar experiences? Any insight?

If you got to the end of this long rant, thanks for reading/listening!


I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse
I had no memory of it at all until I was 33
I was 2 years sober in AA and it scared the hell out of me to put it mildly
my first thought was why am I making this up?
making it up to who??
I had not told anyone anything because I did not know this
I suspect that was a response I got when maybe I DID tell as I was very young
any way I tried to forget about it, run from it, and I ended up doing a great deal of damage to my emotional self and I was also very suicidal
I finally did get therapy and later in a group as well
it took a very long time but I got to the other side
go get help, don't try and get help from anyone who has no experience with this, people really should keep their mouths shut, I had folks even in AA tell me to "let it go" this is branded on the inside
there is help but it is hard, it is WORTH it!!!! Feel free to private message me if you need to talk, I am happy to listen
you can do it!!!
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Old 12-14-2014, 04:54 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,615,784 times
Reputation: 1939
Quote:
Originally Posted by brayli View Post
Thank you to everyone who replied. My nutrition is generally pretty good and I work out nearly every day. It makes me feel a bit better momentarily but as soon as I am done exercising I usually feel crappy again. I don't get a long term lift from it.

I didn't mean to make my boyfriend out into the world's worst guy. He was a lot more supportive a while back but I think he is just frustrated now. To an outside person, even someone close to me, my bad moods or sadness probably get annoying. He has a lot on his own plate without me dumping my own depression on there.

What I'm curious about is the memory loss - has anyone else experienced something like that? It was really strange not remembering how I got to where I was.


memory loss is VERY common in abuse
get help get help get help
I had NO insurance I went through Catholic Social Services
they have master level social workers who are wonderful
and it is sliding fee
the group I was in was state funded I was on a waiting list for a year, again worth every minute
this stuff effected every area of my life, I thought I was "going crazy" nope
but I am telling you people will suggest all sorts of things like food, vitamins,
leave your boyfriend
but they have ZERO experience with this
some folks on here told you to get help
that is the right answer!!!!
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