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Old 12-21-2014, 10:29 AM
 
28 posts, read 44,226 times
Reputation: 46

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Please look at yourself and your situation with total compassion as you might a dear friend. I am 48 and feel I have "failed" a lot too but when I really look at what's been going on in my life, I've been carrying around the ball and chain of clinical depression for most of it and then was in an accident and ended up with chronic pain and mostly chronic fatigue on top of it all.

Please know that you are still so young and that you just have to keep trying different things until something works out. I know I am not yet done at my age and I know people who are much older than I am who are starting new ventures all the time after suffering various setbacks.

If you are depressed, I agree with counseling and finding some tools to help re-frame your experiences. I need help with that myself. We all tell ourselves these stories and get caught up in our heads so much and lately I have been reminding myself to just "drop the storyline" I keep repeating about this or that perceived failure. Suddenly I have new eyes, even if I have to do this number again and again.

Best wishes to you. You are not alone and so young. So just keep going and get the help need. Do the next most important thing that you feel is right. The answers will come.

Also know that some bigger changes take time to execute. I moved around for the last year and half trying to find the right place to live after I got priced out of the city I was in for 12 years. And guess what? I made the wrong decision. I moved somewhere where my seasonal affective disorder is really bad and I can't stay here now. There are other reasons I am not vibing on the place as well, but the point is, is that I am now accepting that I have to exert energy, money and time to now make another move with more wisdom than before!

So my next right thing is to work a bit harder and save up the money. Make sure the economy is good enough wherever you decide to go. IT Work sounds pretty good these days. Maybe there are temp agencies in your field in various places that can help you figure out if you could at least get temp work starting out until you land a more permanent job if you like the place. Do a lot of research too.

I realized I moved where I was based more on emotion than reason and that just can't be anymore. Maybe things will look better come spring time as well when there's more light and a sense of renewal.

Last edited by catw1101; 12-21-2014 at 10:36 AM.. Reason: added more content
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Old 12-21-2014, 06:03 PM
 
12,324 posts, read 9,356,399 times
Reputation: 22615
You're not too old. I always recommend active duty to start because you can always go to reserves/guard afterwards but not so vice-versa. I recommend Air Guard over reserves or Army Guard if you go that way. Other than that, check bonuses for IT fields, there may be some. Be sure you pick what you know you like, not just something that has a bonus or sounds cool.

Of course it depends on your ASVAB score (the recruiter can send you to take that) and openings.
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Old 12-21-2014, 11:09 PM
 
7 posts, read 6,300 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by catw1101 View Post
Please look at yourself and your situation with total compassion as you might a dear friend. I am 48 and feel I have "failed" a lot too but when I really look at what's been going on in my life, I've been carrying around the ball and chain of clinical depression for most of it and then was in an accident and ended up with chronic pain and mostly chronic fatigue on top of it all.

Please know that you are still so young and that you just have to keep trying different things until something works out. I know I am not yet done at my age and I know people who are much older than I am who are starting new ventures all the time after suffering various setbacks.

If you are depressed, I agree with counseling and finding some tools to help re-frame your experiences. I need help with that myself. We all tell ourselves these stories and get caught up in our heads so much and lately I have been reminding myself to just "drop the storyline" I keep repeating about this or that perceived failure. Suddenly I have new eyes, even if I have to do this number again and again.

Best wishes to you. You are not alone and so young. So just keep going and get the help need. Do the next most important thing that you feel is right. The answers will come.

Also know that some bigger changes take time to execute. I moved around for the last year and half trying to find the right place to live after I got priced out of the city I was in for 12 years. And guess what? I made the wrong decision. I moved somewhere where my seasonal affective disorder is really bad and I can't stay here now. There are other reasons I am not vibing on the place as well, but the point is, is that I am now accepting that I have to exert energy, money and time to now make another move with more wisdom than before!

So my next right thing is to work a bit harder and save up the money. Make sure the economy is good enough wherever you decide to go. IT Work sounds pretty good these days. Maybe there are temp agencies in your field in various places that can help you figure out if you could at least get temp work starting out until you land a more permanent job if you like the place. Do a lot of research too.

I realized I moved where I was based more on emotion than reason and that just can't be anymore. Maybe things will look better come spring time as well when there's more light and a sense of renewal.
Thank you for your kind words . It seems like you've been through a lot and are still fighting. I have this guilty feeling because I had someone that was depending on me. I broke a promise. This is going to sound funny but i thought by now i would be sucessful. I had visions of living in a nice house in a gated community,starting a family. I decided to learn how to create apps for mobile phones. I've successfully made 4 app games this year. I thought that by creating something unique and not seen that it would be a hit but I was wrong.

I should of never had such high expectations,I was naive. I feel stupid for that reason. I'll try to battle back , don't want to quit.
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Old 12-22-2014, 01:26 AM
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
6,351 posts, read 3,211,648 times
Reputation: 3114
It can only help (and very likely will) for you to start by taking very good care of your health. That includes nutrition. Cut out coffee and any stimulants - they make things worse. Cut out all refined sugar. All of it. And so on .... If you are interested then PM me (I've posted the same message so many times it's become a stuck record ).
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Old 12-22-2014, 02:08 AM
 
7,493 posts, read 10,196,860 times
Reputation: 7394
Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09 View Post
Hey, I've been in tough situations myself... but I think you're going about it the right away. What I recommend is going somewhere with a lot of sun and warm weather.

Companies all of the United States need an IT guy, doesn't matter where you are. My recommendation would be to go to Southeast Florida. You will not regret it there.
The job situation is pretty bad there.
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Old 12-22-2014, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Inception
962 posts, read 2,329,423 times
Reputation: 1081
MoveAwayTime, I also recommend therapy and perhaps something you should pursue prior to moving. I have moved several times and while many of those moves have been successful and worth the sacrifice, you cannot resolve prior issues and feelings without address them directly. You can move a thousand times and those unresolved issues will follow you along the way. I speak form experience.

At last start with the therapy to get some clarify. Even if an opportunity presents itself before you become more emotionally stable and in control, at least you've give yourself a chance to make a more thought-out decision that isn't so emotionally charged.

I truly wish you peace, happiness and prosperity.
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Old 12-22-2014, 02:42 PM
 
27,602 posts, read 30,147,849 times
Reputation: 27558
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoveAwayTime View Post
I'm seriously considering that. When I was younger I was able to brush it away,play games go out with friends. But as I get older those things won't be there for me as much. I just don't want to bebe on pills, but if that's the only thing that can help me then I have no choice.
There are alternatives to pills. Don't believe these doctors who tell you there are no other options. They are bought and paid for by the pharmaceutical industry and many are ignorant of alternative options.

http://www.amazon.com/Depression-Cho...on+is+a+choice

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy: David D., M.D. Burns: 9780380810338: Amazon.com: Books

A lot depression comes from believing every negative thought that comes through your head (IE "I've failed at life"...Um, you're only 29...how could you have failed at life????). You can learn to challenge those thoughts.

Also, diet can also play a significant role in depression. Processed foods full of sugar, etc can contribute to depression. A Mediterranean diet can reduce the risk of depression and other mental illnesses (as well as diabetes, heart disease, & cancer).

Can The Mediterranean Diet Make Us Happier? - Forbes
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Old 12-22-2014, 04:14 PM
 
7 posts, read 6,300 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by cityhopper View Post
MoveAwayTime, I also recommend therapy and perhaps something you should pursue prior to moving. I have moved several times and while many of those moves have been successful and worth the sacrifice, you cannot resolve prior issues and feelings without address them directly. You can move a thousand times and those unresolved issues will follow you along the way. I speak form experience.

At last start with the therapy to get some clarify. Even if an opportunity presents itself before you become more emotionally stable and in control, at least you've give yourself a chance to make a more thought-out decision that isn't so emotionally charged.

I truly wish you peace, happiness and prosperity.
I totally agree. I was just thinking to myself when I move I'll be alone and I'll have a lot of thinking time. All these negative thoughts will pop up again . I've been thinking about negatives thoughts for my whole life you can say and without any help.
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Old 12-22-2014, 04:22 PM
 
7 posts, read 6,300 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
There are alternatives to pills. Don't believe these doctors who tell you there are no other options. They are bought and paid for by the pharmaceutical industry and many are ignorant of alternative options.

Depression Is a Choice: Winning the Battle Without Drugs: A.B. Curtiss: 9780786866298: Amazon.com: Books

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy: David D., M.D. Burns: 9780380810338: Amazon.com: Books

A lot depression comes from believing every negative thought that comes through your head (IE "I've failed at life"...Um, you're only 29...how could you have failed at life????). You can learn to challenge those thoughts.

Also, diet can also play a significant role in depression. Processed foods full of sugar, etc can contribute to depression. A Mediterranean diet can reduce the risk of depression and other mental illnesses (as well as diabetes, heart disease, & cancer).

Can The Mediterranean Diet Make Us Happier? - Forbes
Thank you for those links I'll have to take a look at them.
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Old 12-23-2014, 02:42 AM
 
5,239 posts, read 7,000,400 times
Reputation: 11345
Therapy is waste of time for all but the doc that makes good money with canned replies and uhuh's, while his mind is a thousand miles away. Most all fall in that category. I don't see the military as a good option for ya given that you feel as you do about yourself now. You didn't mention if you had been going to college or maybe I missed it, but it can be stressful with someone yelling at ya and everything must be done a certain way. Also considering the amounts invested in the sinkhole of the Middle East, I wouldn't be going in now unless certain I wouldn't end up there. Recruiters are not always honest either, remember that. Once you sign, you belong to them.

The Philippines has taken over India as the call center capital. You might look for IT positions there, some folks don't dig being relocated there. But it would be an opportunity. It would be a huge change for you, but it could be a challenge and a positive experience for you. Or if you have some college you may qualify to teach English in places like China and Japan. You won't get rich but you will be on your own and experience many new things.

Your brother at the VA, could he help you get some kind of position within the system? You are smart to formulate a plan before moving.

Research herbs that help some with depression, there are a number of them but like meds they may or may not work, if you do decide to see a doc see a psychiatrist not a primary care doc, get a referral from the local NAMI (link below). They also have some support groups that might be helpful to ya, maybe even help ya get a job. Look their complete site over or call them. Read up on meds the doc may prescribe and their potential side effects before going. Acupuncture is another alternative, it helps some folks. I don't like shrinks/psychologists, they are only book trained, no real world experience with living with depression and most have zero empathy, think that was removed in college. So what you are likely to get is someone that acts as a script writing machine and hasn't the time to bother to care or understand you and what you are feeling. You should research herbs and homeopathic meds before seeing a quack with a script pad and an attitude. I've got it very bad, sadly nothing works for me, either herbs or the quacks pills. I wish ya luck and success.

NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness | State & Local NAMIs
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