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Old 01-26-2015, 12:40 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,627,315 times
Reputation: 1939

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blaming my mother was something I did for years
it was not until I got myself some help that I could start looking at myself
why do you live with your mother as a grown person??
go get your own place to live
besides you are telling us what you want us to know
then she is the "enemy" and you are the pitiful one
notice how many are quick to judge her and feel sorry for you??
as long as I lived as a victim, it was just that long that I blamed everyone for everything
I crawled out of sexual abuse, domestic violence, co dependency. victimhood, and alcoholism
trust me, I had a part in every bit, EXCEPT the incest
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Old 01-26-2015, 10:21 PM
 
67 posts, read 139,045 times
Reputation: 105
Clearly, you seem angry with your mother, and your anger may be well justified. I don't believe that it is all that uncommon to have weird fantasies about people that are really close to us, but who have wronged us in some way. It may just be the way you are dealing with the situation. just because you have those thoughts does not mean you are going to act on them. So try not to be too hard on yourself. Thinking about it (killing your mother) may actually help you feel more in control.

A even better way of gaining control would be trying to forgive your mother. You don't have to do this for her. Do it for yourself. You may not be ready yet to forgive her, but once you are, it would most likely make you completely free and happy. Forgiving her will replace the angry feelings and you won't have those fantasies any longer. Just realize that she is not going to change her ways, and that you are the bigger person by forgiving her. BTW, you don't have to tell her you forgive her (that would just provoke her), but try to forgive her inside your heart once you are ready to do so. Wishing you well.
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Old 01-26-2015, 11:19 PM
 
Location: Canada
220 posts, read 224,409 times
Reputation: 91
Thanks for the support everyone!
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Old 01-26-2015, 11:48 PM
 
1,267 posts, read 2,602,277 times
Reputation: 1239
I would also go with leaving.


Do you spend a lot of time home?
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Old 01-27-2015, 04:40 AM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,627,315 times
Reputation: 1939
Quote:
Originally Posted by midsummer View Post
Clearly, you seem angry with your mother, and your anger may be well justified. I don't believe that it is all that uncommon to have weird fantasies about people that are really close to us, but who have wronged us in some way. It may just be the way you are dealing with the situation. just because you have those thoughts does not mean you are going to act on them. So try not to be too hard on yourself. Thinking about it (killing your mother) may actually help you feel more in control.

A even better way of gaining control would be trying to forgive your mother. You don't have to do this for her. Do it for yourself. You may not be ready yet to forgive her, but once you are, it would most likely make you completely free and happy. Forgiving her will replace the angry feelings and you won't have those fantasies any longer. Just realize that she is not going to change her ways, and that you are the bigger person by forgiving her. BTW, you don't have to tell her you forgive her (that would just provoke her), but try to forgive her inside your heart once you are ready to do so. Wishing you well.


I do NOT agree that fantasying about killing your mother is healthy at all
good grief!!!!
how many times do we hear on the news that someone killed their mother???
then people were "shocked"
there are ALWAYS RED FLAGS
I am shocked at how many people do not take this serious
but are just working to make this guy
feel better"
this guy needs some real help
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Old 01-27-2015, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,322 posts, read 5,073,209 times
Reputation: 9781
Op,

i have read some of your past posts and they are really heartbreaking about your mom and not anything that anyone should have to put up with. I admire your fortitude in that situation. Even here, when people say the meanest most ignorant and insensitive things to you, I am stunned that you can be so kind back to them! Hopefully this means that you have enough emotional strength to ignore the intrusive thoughts that you are having.

Because of what you have suffered, it's not abnormal to have such fantasies, as long as you have no intention of acting on them of course. This is the most likely answer to your "why" question.

I think you should talk to your therapist about them ASAP. Discuss coping mechanisms. And also move from that situation ASAP!

I don't think any of this is your fault by the way. Intrusive thoughts are not your fault. It's not your fault that she is the way she is. But if you don't move out of there soon, it will be your fault to subjecting yourself to it!
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Old 01-27-2015, 01:04 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,627,315 times
Reputation: 1939
too bad his mother can not tell her side
my adult daughter has never taken responsibility for a thing
she always gets angry when anyone makes a suggestion
she has blamed me and her dad for stepping in a year ago to have her son removed from her home
due to her husband's alcoholism and abuse
as well the insanity of doing things like taking sleeping pills and then getting behind the wheel of a car
WITH my grandson!
Now if you heard her side of the story it would be entirely different
making judgments based on a stranger who is having fantasies of killing his mother
is crazy
most everyone here has believed that what he is saying about his mother is true
I worked as an alcoholism councilor for a number of years and trust me
I have heard it all
most of the time, if they lasted long enough for family therapy
we heard a more balanced story
I am not saying he is out right lying
I am saying he has a lot of folks here trying to rescue him
he DOES not need rescuing
he needs therapy
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Old 01-27-2015, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
52,382 posts, read 41,164,172 times
Reputation: 73212
You need to get out of that house.

Ever hear the phrase "Don't bite the hand that feeds you?" If you hate your mother so much, quit living in her house and letting her support you. Move out. You both will probably be better off.

And you REALLY need to talk to a professional therapist about your extreme animosity and your fantasies regarding your mother. Maybe she deserves such animosity and maybe not, but one thing is certain - you can't control her behavior, you can only control your own.
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Old 01-27-2015, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Canada
220 posts, read 224,409 times
Reputation: 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopian Slums View Post
Op,

i have read some of your past posts and they are really heartbreaking about your mom and not anything that anyone should have to put up with. I admire your fortitude in that situation. Even here, when people say the meanest most ignorant and insensitive things to you, I am stunned that you can be so kind back to them! Hopefully this means that you have enough emotional strength to ignore the intrusive thoughts that you are having.

Because of what you have suffered, it's not abnormal to have such fantasies, as long as you have no intention of acting on them of course. This is the most likely answer to your "why" question.

I think you should talk to your therapist about them ASAP. Discuss coping mechanisms. And also move from that situation ASAP!

I don't think any of this is your fault by the way. Intrusive thoughts are not your fault. It's not your fault that she is the way she is. But if you don't move out of there soon, it will be your fault to subjecting yourself to it!
Thank you, Yes I will be talking to my therapist about this, We had a discussion about this before, there just trying to get me my surgery first than there going to see if my health gets back on track that I can start getting a job and moving out, thanks for the support!
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Old 01-27-2015, 02:38 PM
 
67 posts, read 139,045 times
Reputation: 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by georgia dem View Post
I do NOT agree that fantasying about killing your mother is healthy at all
good grief!!!!
how many times do we hear on the news that someone killed their mother???
then people were "shocked"
there are ALWAYS RED FLAGS
I am shocked at how many people do not take this serious
but are just working to make this guy
feel better"
this guy needs some real help
You are right, Georgia, fantasies about killing your mother are not healthy. They are, however, one way of dealing with the grim reality that op is facing. There is no right or wrong regarding what op describes about his mother, because what matters is how he experiences the situation. Fantasies are different from planning. If op were trying to get his hands on an effective poison, on the other hand, it would be a concern.

As far as a healthy reaction to this bad situation goes, op might try forgiving his mother (inside his heart, not to her face), and thereby move away from the anger that hurts him. Understandably, it would take a lot on op's part to be able to forgive...but it could be healing for him.

I wish you well, op, and as others have suggested, maybe you can move away from your mother, so you won't have to feel trapped any longer...and you can regain control by moving away.
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