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Old 01-25-2015, 02:05 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,604,873 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquarius37 View Post
Thanks, you are probably right. It's not what I wanted to hear though. It stings.

AA is a great program I have been in for a number of years
but the 12 steps are where the recovery is
it takes action
I relapsed after 13 years because I did not want to face my dysfunction in relationships
I stayed drunk for 2 more years
if I don't drink by July 14, it will be 17 years
guess what I STILL have to take action!
That old saying
AA is for folks that want it
NOT for folks that need it
no one can talk you sober, you have to be willing to do that
I hope you do!
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Old 01-25-2015, 02:09 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,604,873 times
Reputation: 1939
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6.7traveler View Post
I am an internet stranger so take my advice with a grain of Salt. While I was an addict, I only went to one or two AA meetings. They are not for me, and therefore not for everyone. What I recommend for any addict is self empowerment, which I feel AA doesn't provide for me. Who wants to hear all those stories every week? I just want to move on ....

First off, don't get hung up on your one drink and "throwing away a year and a half of sobriety" You are still sober you just made a mistake... One drink isn't taking anything away from the positive direction you took in your life.

Next, IMO benzos antidepressants and all medications aren't good for all addicts. Maybe they work for some people, but then your giving your power away to "needing your meds". If you abused anti depressants than AVOID benzos at all costs, by are worse than alcohol in many ways.

What you really need is a life makeover. You need to be outside and in nature more. I know the nature thing sounds like hippy bs but just try it. Whenever you are feeling stressed for a drink, go outside for a walk. Plan a hiking trip, go to a national park or forest, become reconnected with the earth. To truly get over an addiction you must become self reliant. You can't give your power away to AA meetings or pills. Find the power within yourself. Your life feels stagnant and pointless, making you crave something more like a drink. Get out and travel, shake things up, do something you always wanted to do, return to nature.

I am sure I'll catch lots of flack from this from the "AA is the only way" crowd but it worked for me. I was a hardcore addict just as bad as anyone else.... I don't feel the need anymore to associate with any ex addicts... I haven't had even a craving in years because I now believe in myself and am self reliant to a certain degree... I completely switched up my life and traveled the whole country and gained life changing perspectives about myself and the world along the way. If I would of made excuses and stayed at my crappy depressing job in my crappy depressing hometown I might be singing a different tune now.

Anyways, do what works for you.... If anti depressants and AA meetings is what it takes then go for it. But in the back of your mind remember what that crazy internet guy told you about nature and self reliance. It worked for me and others I know. At least supplement whatever way works for you by spending time in nature.

And most of all don't let your slip up get you down. You slipped up now man up and get over it, don't try to let it happen again. Remember you are more capable than anything you ever imagined, you just got to break through and find out what works for you. Good luck random internet stranger.


you were not in AA long enough, because AA states CLEARLY it is not the only way!!!
Besides meetings will not keep you sober, it is the 12 steps
but AA does not recruit
you either want it or not
no big deal
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Old 01-25-2015, 02:52 PM
 
Location: Back and Beyond
2,986 posts, read 3,064,029 times
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I don't want to get into a AA vs. no AA debate.... I am glad that they work for a lot of people, whatever it takes and whatever works for you and others is great... But the OP clearly stated he doesn't like AA, so maybe they aren't for him as they weren't for me... The 12 steps are not the only way.... I am living proof.

Anyways, maybe a change of living situations would do the OP some good. I personally get very stressed out and anxious when I am in a metro area of 100k+ people. I couldn't imagine NYC. Here is an article on how city life may actually change your brain.

How the city hurts your brain - The Boston Globe
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Old 01-25-2015, 10:17 PM
 
3,700 posts, read 3,046,557 times
Reputation: 2614
6.7trav, I thought about what you said about nature in an earlier post of yours and it really rang bells for me. I haven't clicked on your link yet, but will shortly... But yes, I really feel how living this way literally can make your brain feel like it's suspended in concrete.
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Old 01-26-2015, 05:48 AM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,604,873 times
Reputation: 1939
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6.7traveler View Post
I don't want to get into a AA vs. no AA debate.... I am glad that they work for a lot of people, whatever it takes and whatever works for you and others is great... But the OP clearly stated he doesn't like AA, so maybe they aren't for him as they weren't for me... The 12 steps are not the only way.... I am living proof.

Anyways, maybe a change of living situations would do the OP some good. I personally get very stressed out and anxious when I am in a metro area of 100k+ people. I couldn't imagine NYC. Here is an article on how city life may actually change your brain.

How the city hurts your brain - The Boston Globe



I am referring to the 12 steps IF you are in AA
what is so wonderful about them will ONLY be found
IF you do them
I searched for years to find a way, I thought it was OUT THERE
nope, it is an inside job
we do not try and get anyone into the doors
the real sad fact is most alcoholics do not get sober

and most want easier ways, I sure did
I never wanted to face myself
if I could laid it on someone other than me
the OP asked
and I am sharing what worked for me
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Old 01-26-2015, 05:54 AM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,604,873 times
Reputation: 1939
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6.7traveler View Post
I don't want to get into a AA vs. no AA debate.... I am glad that they work for a lot of people, whatever it takes and whatever works for you and others is great... But the OP clearly stated he doesn't like AA, so maybe they aren't for him as they weren't for me... The 12 steps are not the only way.... I am living proof.

Anyways, maybe a change of living situations would do the OP some good. I personally get very stressed out and anxious when I am in a metro area of 100k+ people. I couldn't imagine NYC. Here is an article on how city life may actually change your brain.

How the city hurts your brain - The Boston Globe


so
please share, if you do not mind
how long have you been sober?
what changes have you made in dealing with
fear, jealousy, resentments,
what do you do when in drinking situations?
what do you do with your anger?
what happens to you when you have been cheated or gossiped about?
drinking is but a symptom of alcoholism
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Old 01-27-2015, 07:24 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,322 posts, read 5,026,119 times
Reputation: 9781
Aquarius, you might want to check out "Smart Recovery." Some people find it more self empowering than AA.

Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART Recovery®
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Old 01-27-2015, 03:47 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,604,873 times
Reputation: 1939
AA has nothing to do with
empowerment LOL
as a matter of fact it is just the opposite
as getting away from
self
alcoholics are incredibly SELF obsessed
I sure as hell was
it was me me me
what I have found after all these years sober is the less I am obsessed
the better I can be with others
and the better life I can have
being sober has become the most natural state
alcohol does not have its clutches in me
but so much more than that
I have freedom!
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Old 01-27-2015, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
1,306 posts, read 1,144,465 times
Reputation: 4072
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquarius37 View Post
I stopped drinking a year and a half ago (it was very bad). I was in AA for the entire summer of 2013. (stopped drinking in June of 2013). I've been white knuckling myself through a year and a half, and finally got around to seeing a psychotherapist this morning. She told me she thinks I should go back to AA. That's not what I wanted to hear. What did I do? Right afterwards went to the nearest liquor store (same block as the appointment.. Midtown in Manhattan) and bought a pint of vodka. Went to starbucks and used the bathroom and put it in a coffee cup. I just threw away a year and a half of sobriety from alcohol immediately after that. I thought I was taking a positive step.

I've been reading citydata forums for years and i've learned so many things and reading so many posts actually have helped me so I wanted to ask this question here. I thought I was going to really hate myself for this, but as of right now I don't. My mind has been in a chronic state of worry since I quit alcohol. I was on two antidepressants, but I stopped them after a while. I'm very well read on medications.

I wanted to talk to her about my past. (that's specifically why I sought out a psychotherapist). I have a very rough time in any social atmosphere sober.

I'm sorry if my thoughts are a little mixed up in this post and probably leaving out a lot. Why did I do this? I never had any issues controlling myself around alcohol since quitting. The second I took that first sip this morning after the appointment I felt like a ton of weight was lifted from me. I was smiling again taking the subway home. I was able to feel joy. Based on my family history of drug and alcohol abuse I know where this could wind up. But is that always the case? Is there anyone out there who can relate to what just happened to me today?

I was hoping the therapist I saw today would maybe incorporate some CBT along with the psychoanalysis. My anxiety for the last year has been so extreme. Should I just let it be now? Not drink again? I'm really confused
OMG this story sounds so much like me in the early 90's, the first time I attempted to stay sober. I started going to group therapy 2x/week. It was very confrontational and fact facing. They held AA meetings next door and I used to go sometimes. I did this for 6 months and managed to white-knuckle it through without doing any "work". I remember picking out everything that was different than the people at the recovery places - i've never been arrested, I had a good job, a new car, hung out every weekend and partied with fun people, went to the gym 5-6x a week, etc....SURELY I MUST NOT BE ONE OF THESE AA PEOPLE...they seemed nice enough, and i'm glad it's working for them....FOR THEY ARE TRULY SCREWED UP AND NEED THIS.....not me!! LOL I stopped going after 6 months and went back to drinking.

From '94-'02 I had some hella good times, yes indeedy....but the good times were getting overrun with not so good times - stashing liquor to make sure I had some when I got home from partying, sneaking double shots at the bar, then going back to my group at the table and "drinking normally", not wanting to hang out with anyone who didn't drink like me, etc....it got progressively worse over the years. It got to the point where I would drink until I would throw up....then keep drinking. I would eventually end up throwing up bile because there was nothing else in my stomach, but my reasoning told me YAY....this means my system is clear and I can now commence drinking again!!

I'm a decent looking female and can remember when I was in the club towards the end of my drinking career. This cute guy came up and asked me to dance, and he asked me my name. I leaned over and blurted out my name to his face and he backed up like he had been smacked, then walked away....my breath was that heavy with liquor, in a club that automatically smells like liquor(?)

I tried Buddism, self help books, Dr. Phil, meditating, sleeping with the Big Book under my pillow, churches, therapists, psychoanalysts, outpatient treatment. I thought I was doing myself a favor because at least I was trying to get help. Looking back, I can see how I manipulated those situations. I would present my feelings to the people who tried to help me, but I would hold on to some of the worst items in my stock. I didn't want to look THAT BAD to those therapists. They could only help me with what I told them, and, since what I told them wasn't THAT BAD, I must not have the alcoholic problem THAT BAD.

I finally ran out of moves and tried the ol' AA thing again. This time, I was honest with myself and let go of my pride and ego enough to give the sponsor thing a whirl. I kind of had no choice but to be honest, because she had been through many of the feelings and alcoholic situations i'd been through, and she "told on herself" so easily with me, so it became easier for me to open up and talk about what was really going on.

I DID NOT WANT TO BE AN ALCOHOLIC. I've been sober for over 12 years and it hasn't been all peaches n' cream. But just because I didn't want to be one didn't mean I wasn't one! When I had wrote down all my stuff and looked at it in black and white, it was if I had confronted myself FOR REAL for the first time ever. And I had to admit that I was an alcoholic. Not to my sponsor, not to the people in the meetings, but to MYSELF. It was the first time I had been brutally honest with myself, and it was kind of relieving. The world didn't stop revolving, it didn't explode. I had hope.

I followed the rest of the suggestions in AA and it's been working for me. This doesn't mean i'm perfect, because i'm not. I still do effed up sh*t all day almost every day haha, but at least now I am ok with being delightfully human and cutting myself a break. I always have a chance to do better the next day, as long as I stay sober there is hope.

I'm not saying you have to go to AA, because AA is not the be-all to end-all. There are churches, therapists, treatment centers, Women for Sobriety, Rational Recovery, etc.....i'm just sharing what worked for me. My suggestion to you is, no matter which way you pick to stay sober, give it your all, relax and do what the others before you did. Because it's easy to GET SOBER. Anyone can do it. But STAYING SOBER? That's a whole 'nother animal.

Good luck my friend.

Melissa S.
Sobriety Date 9/2/2002
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Old 01-28-2015, 06:53 AM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,604,873 times
Reputation: 1939
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorkiforniainHouston View Post
OMG this story sounds so much like me in the early 90's, the first time I attempted to stay sober. I started going to group therapy 2x/week. It was very confrontational and fact facing. They held AA meetings next door and I used to go sometimes. I did this for 6 months and managed to white-knuckle it through without doing any "work". I remember picking out everything that was different than the people at the recovery places - i've never been arrested, I had a good job, a new car, hung out every weekend and partied with fun people, went to the gym 5-6x a week, etc....SURELY I MUST NOT BE ONE OF THESE AA PEOPLE...they seemed nice enough, and i'm glad it's working for them....FOR THEY ARE TRULY SCREWED UP AND NEED THIS.....not me!! LOL I stopped going after 6 months and went back to drinking.

From '94-'02 I had some hella good times, yes indeedy....but the good times were getting overrun with not so good times - stashing liquor to make sure I had some when I got home from partying, sneaking double shots at the bar, then going back to my group at the table and "drinking normally", not wanting to hang out with anyone who didn't drink like me, etc....it got progressively worse over the years. It got to the point where I would drink until I would throw up....then keep drinking. I would eventually end up throwing up bile because there was nothing else in my stomach, but my reasoning told me YAY....this means my system is clear and I can now commence drinking again!!

I'm a decent looking female and can remember when I was in the club towards the end of my drinking career. This cute guy came up and asked me to dance, and he asked me my name. I leaned over and blurted out my name to his face and he backed up like he had been smacked, then walked away....my breath was that heavy with liquor, in a club that automatically smells like liquor(?)

I tried Buddism, self help books, Dr. Phil, meditating, sleeping with the Big Book under my pillow, churches, therapists, psychoanalysts, outpatient treatment. I thought I was doing myself a favor because at least I was trying to get help. Looking back, I can see how I manipulated those situations. I would present my feelings to the people who tried to help me, but I would hold on to some of the worst items in my stock. I didn't want to look THAT BAD to those therapists. They could only help me with what I told them, and, since what I told them wasn't THAT BAD, I must not have the alcoholic problem THAT BAD.

I finally ran out of moves and tried the ol' AA thing again. This time, I was honest with myself and let go of my pride and ego enough to give the sponsor thing a whirl. I kind of had no choice but to be honest, because she had been through many of the feelings and alcoholic situations i'd been through, and she "told on herself" so easily with me, so it became easier for me to open up and talk about what was really going on.

I DID NOT WANT TO BE AN ALCOHOLIC. I've been sober for over 12 years and it hasn't been all peaches n' cream. But just because I didn't want to be one didn't mean I wasn't one! When I had wrote down all my stuff and looked at it in black and white, it was if I had confronted myself FOR REAL for the first time ever. And I had to admit that I was an alcoholic. Not to my sponsor, not to the people in the meetings, but to MYSELF. It was the first time I had been brutally honest with myself, and it was kind of relieving. The world didn't stop revolving, it didn't explode. I had hope.

I followed the rest of the suggestions in AA and it's been working for me. This doesn't mean i'm perfect, because i'm not. I still do effed up sh*t all day almost every day haha, but at least now I am ok with being delightfully human and cutting myself a break. I always have a chance to do better the next day, as long as I stay sober there is hope.

I'm not saying you have to go to AA, because AA is not the be-all to end-all. There are churches, therapists, treatment centers, Women for Sobriety, Rational Recovery, etc.....i'm just sharing what worked for me. My suggestion to you is, no matter which way you pick to stay sober, give it your all, relax and do what the others before you did. Because it's easy to GET SOBER. Anyone can do it. But STAYING SOBER? That's a whole 'nother animal.

Good luck my friend.

Melissa S.
Sobriety Date 9/2/2002

yay
good work!
AA works if we are willing to work it
I am grateful for that 2 year drunk I went on after 13 years
because it woke me up to how powerful alcohol is and how NO power on my own I have in not drinking it
there is much hope but it takes action
happy you made it back
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