Dealing with a Narcissistic Sibling (narcissist, personality disorder, problems, child)

[thesoundguy]

Hi,

My oldest sister is suffering from what my other sister and I believe is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Her behaviors seem to perfectly match the "official" description of the disorder. While I am prepared to completely cut off any further relations with her, I cannot at present because she is the executor of my mother's will, who passed away last year.

She is using her position to abuse and bully us into "apologizing" for every slight we ever made to her, while never admitting to doing anything of the sort to us, when of course that is all she has ever done to us. In fact, she has stooped to accusing us of taking advantage of our mother and being "ungrateful" for everything she and my mother ever "did" for us.

Throughout, I have tried to play the game with her, never reacting to her taunts or accusations, and trying to just keep things official. Unfortunately, I cracked recently and flipped out, after she accused me of "demanding" money from the sale of my mother's house, which was actually left to my son, my mother's only grandchild as neither of my sisters have had kids); and accusing me of not "being there" for my mom in the end, which is absurd, because I was actually present at her bed-side the night she died.

Everyone in the family knows my mom wanted my son to have the money, and my mom didn't bother putting it in the will because I guess she just thought nothing like what is happening now could occur. Boy was she wrong In fact, my mom had always covered for my narcissist sister's bad behaviors, which probably contributed to the problem. My mom was also intimidated by my sister--hence letting my sister execute the will. My sister actually asked to be executor...

So, should I just cut her off and let her do what she's going to do with respect to the will, or play her game and try to get back in her good graces until the will is resolved?

Thanks.

[CSD610]

If the will does not state your son is to get the money then your son will likely not get the money because there is no legal declaration written into the will. (From what I understand of the procedure of how a will is executed).

It is your choice how you deal with your sister however, being executor there are legal guidelines she must follow in regards to the will.

Hire and attorney who is knowledgeable and follow the advice the attorney gives you.

[thesoundguy]

No, it is not written in the will, and I'm aware of the implications. But it's not really about the money (yeah right), more about how to deal with my sister, with people who have experience dealing with narcissistic people.

[willow wind]

No, it's not about your sister. It's about making sure your sister follows the will. The will has to be probated and your sister has to follow probate court instructions to execute the will. CSD610 gave you good advice to hire an attorney to make sure that any named heirs in the will are protected and that the will does get into probate court in a timely manner. If your son is not named in the will then he is out of luck.

[texdav]

Just the obvious problems that often occur over inheritance within families not real close. The will determines what really goes to who by your mother actual wishes versus what others think .Reality.

[purehuman]

texdav's right again....your sister can't really "abuse and bully" you, unless you allow it. You don't have to...your mothers will will dictate her wishes, and if she omitted her true wishes because she was influenced by your sister there's nothing now that can be done.
Your sister can't change your mothers will....it is what it is.
As for dealing with your "narcissistic sister"...don't. Just ignore her and wait for the will to be executed...until then, you owe her nothing...sorry for the loss of your mom.