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Old 03-15-2015, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Mayberry
32,602 posts, read 13,531,444 times
Reputation: 68754

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Unfortunately, you loving him is not enough, he will use again. Only if he loves himself enough to quit, will it last.
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Old 03-16-2015, 09:47 PM
 
Location: The 719
15,307 posts, read 23,376,422 times
Reputation: 14469
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicolea1982 View Post
my fiancée is gorgeous and I love him so much it hurts we have been together for 2 years we live together when I met him he was a ex opiate addict and has been to rehab and is on medication for dependency i had what everyone wants someone who loves them unconditionally and treats them like gold but now he is on a downward spiral and using Xanax and sometimes uppers theres really no drug he has not tried had I known that if the beginning I wouldn't have returned the first call... the bad part is that he was abused as a child and he has ptsd and bad anxiety so it started out with the anxiety attacks and he needed the Xanax legit but now he just abuses them he lies about his behavior and dosnt own up to how much he uses or spends im always suspicious of what hes doing and the shady people he gets to encounter daily im finaly done feeling like this I am at my breaking point im starting to have my own anxiety from dealing with his bull crap I don't want to have to put up with a addicts lies and mood swings and not to mention the sexual side effects and I know I would tell someone in my shoes to leave you know better but its never that simple when its you im debating on if I should try the last ditch effort of a ultimatum and try to be supportive and help him or do I just kick him out .....what do you say to someone you love so much to tell him your done quit or leave because your killing us
My eyes get sore trying to read this. Not trying to be the spelling monitor in here either. Let me try this;

Quote:
Originally Posted by nicolea1982 View Post
My fiancé is gorgeous and I love him so much it hurts.

We have been together for 2 years. We live together.

When I met him, he was a ex-opiate addict and has been to rehab and is on medication for dependency.

I had what everyone wants; someone who loves them unconditionally and treats them like gold, but now he is on a downward spiral and using Xanax and sometimes uppers.

There's really no drug he has not tried. Had I known that in the beginning, I wouldn't have returned the first call...

The bad part is that he was abused as a child and he has ptsd and bad anxiety. So it started out with the anxiety attacks and he needed the Xanax. Legit, but now he just abuses them.

He lies about his behavior and doesn't own up to how much he uses or spends. I'm always suspicious of what he's doing and the shady people he gets to encounter daily.

I'm finally done feeling like this. I am at my breaking point. I'm starting to have my own anxiety from dealing with his bull crap. I don't want to have to put up with an addicts lies and mood swings, not to mention the sexual side effects.

I know I would tell someone in my shoes "Leave! You know better."... but it's never that simple when it's you.

I'm debating whether I should try the last ditch effort of an ultimatum and try to be supportive and help him or do I just kick him out?

What do you say to someone you love so much? Tell him you're done, quit or leave, because you're killing us?
Yes!
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Old 03-27-2015, 05:53 PM
 
3 posts, read 2,882 times
Reputation: 12
Thank you all for your advice and support !
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Old 03-27-2015, 06:15 PM
 
Location: NW AR
2,438 posts, read 2,300,800 times
Reputation: 2268
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicolea1982 View Post
Thank you all for your advice and support !
I liked the post above about having a stone in your heart. I have a friend that stays loaded because he can't deal with anything. He's been with countless women and doesn't get it. ( he is very good at defending his drug though) Life is fine if you choose to live out your days as a worn-out roller-coaster that is out of gas/oil. It's your choice but be aware that people are burned-out with the drug issues and might appear hard-hearted.


Your boyfriend won't change when you let him go. This guy I am talking about got sober for three weeks and that was it. He works every day too. I am not trying to be negative because this can go both ways but I think you need to be done.
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Old 03-27-2015, 06:19 PM
 
Location: NW AR
2,438 posts, read 2,300,800 times
Reputation: 2268
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
This will end with you being sad and hurt. You can choose to end it now or live another decade with a stone in your heart, years of lost time, perhaps even a child or two drawn into the mess of your life.

It took me a dozen years to give up, always thinking I could make him realize the value in staying straight. A dozen years of pain. Finally gave up in 1983. I am an old lady now and still when I hear the song "Say something I'm giving up on you" it pulls at my soul.

I will go to my grave regretting all the wasted years.
You get a rose, girl! ( for mentioning "Say Something" = music and your post as well!)


Last edited by thegreenflute334; 03-27-2015 at 06:32 PM..
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Old 03-28-2015, 03:26 PM
 
66 posts, read 105,326 times
Reputation: 230
I used to be an addict once. Alcohol and gambling. Eventually it destroyed my marriage.
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Old 03-28-2015, 03:30 PM
 
66 posts, read 105,326 times
Reputation: 230
With addicts, such as I used to be, there is only so much one can do to help. You can be there for them all you want - you can be the most loving and compassionate partner. However, in the end, it's up to the addict to change. I only realized that after my wife completely ran out of patience with my habits. I only realized it when I hit rock bottom. You can be there for him all you want, but deep down, it's up to him.
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Old 04-03-2015, 09:19 AM
Status: "Daring to hope" (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
62,570 posts, read 59,428,330 times
Reputation: 75378
I second the person who said she regrets the wasted years. I wasted years on an alkie/user/gambler. If you look up codependency, it describes how I used to be. I'm better now. You can be, too. Good luck.
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Old 04-03-2015, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Central NY
5,339 posts, read 3,761,365 times
Reputation: 14361
As you have already heard, he is not going to change until he wants to. Not for you or anyone else. It's got to be because he's sick of himself.
There is help for you in 12 step programs (anonymous) and there are counselors who specialize in the kind of help you need.
Please, before too many more years go by, before too much of your own life is lost, please get help.
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Old 04-03-2015, 07:34 PM
 
1,689 posts, read 1,120,092 times
Reputation: 2595
Wow. All such great replies. I have an addict in my family, and I'm her target! I've been distancing myself from her since she threw food in my home 2 Christmas' ago.
She just won't get the message. Altho, I was handling it, until she developed some health issues and needed medical attention for chest pains. So of course there I am, being a sister.

Now she thinks we're buddy buddy again. Ohfff ,, it's exhausting.
I'm now ignoring her emails.
Ignore her and maybe she'll go away??? lol

I will compose an email and be to the point. I don't even feel like using my time and energy again..
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