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Old 03-09-2015, 10:26 PM
 
120 posts, read 245,392 times
Reputation: 104

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So I was preparing for a date the other day and my friend was helping me prepare. He drop some bombs on me. he was only trying to help and give me some confidence, but he actually ended up really hurting my feelings and making me realize how much of a loser I am.

he basically said that I'm not very funny, I'm not very cool, and that I'm kind of a nerd. he said that the one thing I have going for me is the fact that I am a nice guy. He said that he has never heard me ever say anything bad about someone else. well that made me realize that it's true. I am kind of a nice guy.

But then it made me realize that I really don't have anything to offer the world other than the fact that I'm just some nice guy. Anyone can be nice, in fact the nice guy finishes last. Being nice is not a positive trait. being nice is just something inferior people do as a sign of weakness.

so I've been really really depressed, I really want to kill myself I honestly do its just I can't stop thinking about it anymore and I'm beginning to isolate myself from everyone. nothing is fun for me anymore. I don't want to do anything, I just want to roll up in a ball and die somewhere.
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Old 03-10-2015, 06:01 PM
 
67 posts, read 139,045 times
Reputation: 105
Please don't let someone else define who you are. No one can do that as all of us are so much more complex than we appear to others in any given situation. It makes me angry to think that your supposed friend would label you with a bunch of generalizations. Are you still fairly young? People in general will be affected more by what their peers state at a younger age (perhaps younger than 25?).

You might also want to remind yourself that, if you accepted the "nerd" label, there is something incredibly sexy about the 'nerd' stereotype...just think of 'Big Bang Theory'.

Finally, my guess is that you probably also are funny, and that your friend just does not get your style of humor. My son is like that, and some people get him, but many others don't. BTW, in the end, many girls want a nice guy as a mate. Believe me.

Thinking of you, hoping you will feel better soon.

Last edited by midsummer; 03-10-2015 at 06:57 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 03-12-2015, 08:12 AM
 
126 posts, read 100,008 times
Reputation: 122
I think the problem here is this friend of yours. You were about to go on a date and he totally wrecked your mental game by saying all of that negative stuff. 1) It's just his opinion; 2) what does he even know? 3) no matter what it would've been much friendlier to give you some positive words of encouragement to help you feel better for your date.

I wouldn't be surprised if he/she was trying to sabotage you in some way, or he was jealous, because that's pretty nasty behavior. You don't have to believe everything a person says: being "cool" isn't some objective state of being, there's no universal definition of being cool, unless you want to be a media-defined version of it (which seems like a ****ty way to live, IMO).

I've had some people think I'm cool, some people think I'm lame, and the people I liked the best were the ones who thought I was cool because we tended to share or have compatible values, tastes, and personality. Don't worry about being Beloved By All, it seems pretty overrated and a lot of work, and it's not like most of us could even pull it off.

Also, acknowledge a negative influence when you see it: when someone says you're an uncool, unfunny nerd right before a date, that's not very nice behavior. I don't blame you for feeling like crap after hearing that from your friend, particularly right before a date.

Last edited by lookingforadvice20202; 03-12-2015 at 08:23 AM..
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Old 03-14-2015, 03:32 PM
 
13,080 posts, read 16,282,204 times
Reputation: 15363
Quote:
Originally Posted by cancerous View Post

But then it made me realize that I really don't have anything to offer the world other than the fact that I'm just some nice guy.
THAT my friend is HUGE....
Consider it a gift and relish it.
Not everyone is kind....it makes you special.
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