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Old 04-01-2015, 01:22 PM
 
5 posts, read 4,247 times
Reputation: 13

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So i've been thinking about this for a long time and just wanted to get some advice from you guys. I've been having a tough time and sometimes just need to hear from others. so here it goes!

When my husband and I met, he was living in Atlanta and i was living in seattle. He wanted me to move out there for about a year, just to try it out. but i was too scared and didn't want to leave my family or my job. So he moved out to seattle after we got married. We've been living here for almost 3 years. He has changed few jobs and has one he really likes. I have also changed few jobs and my job is ok now. We traveled alot and bought a town home near my parents. The relationship with my parents hasn't been so great though. It's been quite a roller coaster. We don't get along with their friends since they treated us pretty badly. but my parents still hangout with them and that kinda makes us feel bad. I don't get along too well with my mom and sometimes just being around her causes me stress. She still tries to control me and tell me how to live. Sometimes we feel like we don't have freedom to live our life the way we want to. We also don't have any friends here and tried hard for 3 years. So at times we feel very lonely and depressed here. Life also seems to be getting boring for us to the point...where some days we just don't have interest in anything. So now, my husband wants to move. Mainly to get away from my family for a bit and for some change. He says that we can try for a year and if i don't like it, then we can always move back. We plan to rent our town home if we go. My husband's team at work is also in Dallas and he would have many more opportunities if he moved there. I also got called for an interview there.

I was totally on board with moving but now I am starting to freak out. I left home once after college and came back after an year to be closer to family. Now, being away from my parents and sister's family just breaks my heart. I know I won't be too far and we can always visit. I also think distance might help us get over some issues we have and bring us closer. Even though, we live 10 mins from my parents....we only see them once a week or so. I want to move but I feel so scared. Scared of being away from family, starting new, being lonely, being depressed. I wake up in the middle of the night having panic and anxiety attacks. Some days, i wake up and think....ya, i am going to go and try at least for a year. Some days, i just freak myself out thinking about it. I tell myself that life is ok here....maybe if we have baby everything will be fine. Ugh, i just don't know what to do and feel so confused. Sorry for the long post but any advice helps...Thank You!!!
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Old 04-01-2015, 01:28 PM
 
35,107 posts, read 42,690,504 times
Reputation: 62211
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seagirl19 View Post
So i've been thinking about this for a long time and just wanted to get some advice from you guys. I've been having a tough time and sometimes just need to hear from others. so here it goes!

When my husband and I met, he was living in Atlanta and i was living in seattle. He wanted me to move out there for about a year, just to try it out. but i was too scared and didn't want to leave my family or my job. So he moved out to seattle after we got married. We've been living here for almost 3 years. He has changed few jobs and has one he really likes. I have also changed few jobs and my job is ok now. We traveled alot and bought a town home near my parents. The relationship with my parents hasn't been so great though. It's been quite a roller coaster. We don't get along with their friends since they treated us pretty badly. but my parents still hangout with them and that kinda makes us feel bad. I don't get along too well with my mom and sometimes just being around her causes me stress. She still tries to control me and tell me how to live. Sometimes we feel like we don't have freedom to live our life the way we want to. We also don't have any friends here and tried hard for 3 years. So at times we feel very lonely and depressed here. Life also seems to be getting boring for us to the point...where some days we just don't have interest in anything. So now, my husband wants to move. Mainly to get away from my family for a bit and for some change. He says that we can try for a year and if i don't like it, then we can always move back. We plan to rent our town home if we go. My husband's team at work is also in Dallas and he would have many more opportunities if he moved there. I also got called for an interview there.

I was totally on board with moving but now I am starting to freak out. I left home once after college and came back after an year to be closer to family. Now, being away from my parents and sister's family just breaks my heart. I know I won't be too far and we can always visit. I also think distance might help us get over some issues we have and bring us closer. Even though, we live 10 mins from my parents....we only see them once a week or so. I want to move but I feel so scared. Scared of being away from family, starting new, being lonely, being depressed. I wake up in the middle of the night having panic and anxiety attacks. Some days, i wake up and think....ya, i am going to go and try at least for a year. Some days, i just freak myself out thinking about it. I tell myself that life is ok here....maybe if we have baby everything will be fine. Ugh, i just don't know what to do and feel so confused. Sorry for the long post but any advice helps...Thank You!!!

You don't get along with your parents but your heart is breaking at the thought of moving away from your parents who you do not get along with?

That statement makes no sense at all.

Do not have a child, a child will not magically "make things better". You can't even make a simple decision about moving on your own and having panic attacks because there is discussion about moving away from your parents you don't get along with.

Seek professional therapy to get all of this sorted out.
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Old 04-01-2015, 01:33 PM
 
5 posts, read 4,247 times
Reputation: 13
I don't get along too well with my mom. My dad and I are very close. My sister, who is getting married in few months, is pretty close to me as well. However, i can see that she is getting busy with her own life and we don't talk as much. There is always some thought in the back of my head that maybe we can make it work. We are a close family but small things keep coming up here and there. Those small things bring in unnecessary stress.
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Old 04-01-2015, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Salem, OR
102 posts, read 114,332 times
Reputation: 89
I've learned twice that if you have underlying anxiety, moving makes things worse. It's not easy for anyone to make a big move, much less an anxious person. Although you may not be extremely close with your parents, it is something in your life that is familiar.

Good luck. Sometimes it is good to take a risk. I handled my two moves poorly, but I came out the other side a stronger, more resilient person. Just nip your anxiety in the bud.
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Old 04-01-2015, 06:18 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
6,311 posts, read 5,136,406 times
Reputation: 13829
mabye join a good dog rescue group and foster a dog; you'll make friends. Or join a volleyball team or a bowling league. Or join a hiking group with the local Sierra club. Seems the reason you want to move is purely social. Moving won't resolve loneliness. Find ways to make couple friends where you are and if you learn how to to do, then consider moving.
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Old 04-02-2015, 09:48 AM
 
5 posts, read 4,247 times
Reputation: 13
Well, my husband really wants to move to Dallas for his career. His entire team is based out of there and he is only one here. He is very ambitious and hard working. Him being there would really help for promotions and to climb the ladder. Ofcouse one reason why we wanted to try a new place was to meet some new people as well. Here, everyone knows my parents....so its hard for us to have our own identity. That's something that my husband really struggles with. My husband already has some friends there from work. We have tried hard to join different clubs and go to meetups here but nothing really seemed to work. I want him to be happy but at the same time, I don't want to go there and be more depressed. Even though, I am not too happy about my life right now. Its hard for me to leave the comfort of where I am and completly change my life around.
Thank you all for the replies. I just really wish this wasn't so hard!
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Old 04-02-2015, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
27,845 posts, read 26,448,443 times
Reputation: 34841
It sounds to me as though you need a change. I'm not sure how this can happen for you, but you shouldn't look at this as a choice between a rock and a hard place or the devil and the deep blue sea. You'd be moving to Dallas, not the state penitentiary. I never envisioned myself moving as many times as I did. I've moved eight times and seven of those moves were with my husband. That's not counting the short term moves in between. After a while, I didn't like staying in one place for too long. I wanted a new challenge; I wanted to do, see, eat new things. I never envisioned feeling that way.
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Old 04-03-2015, 09:44 AM
 
5 posts, read 4,247 times
Reputation: 13
hmm ya, the logical part of me agrees that I should move. I am married now and can't be around my parents all the time. I should move on and do what's right for me and my husband. I have my own family now. I also accept that my husband's career wouldn't go anywhere as long as we are here. He would be stuck in the same position.
But the emotional part of me wants to stay. I love being around my parents and sister's family. Sure, we get into arguments and fights but overall, we still love and care about each other a lot. I think it's hard for me to forget the past and I tend to hold onto lots of grudges. That's one thing I need to stop doing. I also should just let my parents live their life. If i don't like their friends, it shouldn't mean that they should stop hanging out with them. My husband's family isn't very close. Infact, they barely even talk to each other. I think my husband doesn't understand how close we are and it's hard for me to be that way. I wish he could look at that aspect as well.
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Old 04-06-2015, 03:03 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 5,627,315 times
Reputation: 1939
I used to think moving was the solution. but every where I go. I am there
moving is not the answer taking responsibility for your self is. You blame your parents, their friends
and not one word about you
look at you
get some counseling
when I point one finger at someone else
three are pointing at me
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