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Old 04-03-2015, 10:02 AM
1 posts, read 2,603 times
Reputation: 10


I decided to move cross country by myself, leaving all my family on the west coast.
My job transferred me, I enrolled into school here and I have one semester left.
I've met a few friends, few people to workout with.
But I get depressed because I can't explore this new area with the ones I want to. The ones I love.
I miss my family so much. I plan on closing the long distance gap with my boyfriend in August, so a little over 3 months away, I just feel like I'm distant to him because I'm depressed and he's so happy because he's where he loves to be and has all his friends and an amazing job.
And I'm here like, 3 months into this move still feeling down.
Like I started a new job, moved here with zero friends, I live all by myself, and a new school.
I'm 20, by the way.
I just don't know how to get out of this rut, and I am depressed and when I try to tell my boyfriend he just "I know I can't understand how you feel, I just need engagement form you." Or when I call my Dad he just tells me I'm having a bad day and feeling a little more emotional than normal that day.
How am I supposed to be all happy and full to talk, when I'm extremely sad and upset I can't experience this with my loved ones?
Without my boyfriend, I probably would have moved back home to Cali a month into this move.
3 months left here before I move with my boyfriend.
How do I stop being depressed and just get myself to adapt easier and make the most of while I'm here?
I feel so lost.
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Old 04-03-2015, 10:35 AM
Location: Central NY
5,339 posts, read 3,761,365 times
Reputation: 14361
Default Depression

I can relate to your homesickness and depression. I've done similar things in life so I do know what I am talking about.
First of all, do you remember the reason why you decided to move so far away? There must have been a pretty good reason for such a big move. Once you arrived, did everything go the way you planned it to? Find a decent place to live, like the school, etc.? Are you basically a shy person?
Do you attend a church? Have you been able to check out any clubs the school has?
Maybe writing every day about what's going on, how you are feeling, and taking the focus off what you are missing and the positive reasons for moving there. Find a doctor who can help you. You might need some temporary relief with an anti-depressant?
I am no expert. These are just ideas that I am thinking of you trying in my non-professional way to help you. Getting outdoors, exercising everyday would be good. Treat yourself to something every day. Check out bulletin boards for activities you might be interested in taking part in.
Do not give up easily or too fast. It's a huge adjustment moving so far by yourself. But if you go back without accomplishing what you moved for, you may have big regrets later.
You can do this but you need to start believing in yourself. 20 is very young to do what you have done, but that was the first step...... many steps ahead...... you never know what could happen tomorrow that would change your thinking.
Good luck to you.
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Old 04-04-2015, 08:43 AM
4,761 posts, read 11,822,368 times
Reputation: 7879
It will get MUCH better when your boyfriend gets there. In the mean time, maybe you can scout out places you both would like to go / see / explore?

Also you can write letters to your boyfriend. Encourage him to write letters back to you. Then you can have something to hold in your hand - maybe read several times. Maybe place them on your night stand or on the kitchen counter. You can look at that and think of when he will get there.

A "text" message does not cut it in these situations!
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Old 04-04-2015, 12:01 PM
2 posts, read 2,941 times
Reputation: 10
Sounds like an adventure! Though not one I would take personally. Wish you all the best though!
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Old 04-04-2015, 06:44 PM
10,983 posts, read 9,154,620 times
Reputation: 20208
I can sympathize - my first job was only a couple of hours from my hometown, but I was quite homesick.

Are you living in an apartment or a dorm? If you have any budget for decorating, do what you can to make your place truly "your place". Yard sale season is starting and you can find all kinds of cool things at bargain prices. Once your living place feels as if it's your own, you will have a refuge that will help the feeling of strangeness and being out of place.

Also, explore your new environment. Check out local attractions of various kinds. See if there are Meet-Up groups that match your interests or sound intriquing. If you have time, volunteer with "respectable" organizations - tutor kids, work at a food bank or soup kitchen, help build a house. Look for interesting groups and activities on campus.

Ask your mom (or your dad, if he's the family cook) for favorite recipes and learn to cook them, for a literal taste of home. Consider Skyping with your family. Make a quick trip home (start looking for cheap tickets now) before summer school starts. Stay in touch with your family, so they won't feel so far away.

Hang in there - three months is a much bigger chunk of your life at age twenty than it will be when you are older, and time passes more quickly as you grow older. So make the most of your time, but do make sure your boyfriend understands how much you miss your old home, and be sure to discuss that thoroughly if you truly feel that you need to live there to be happy long-term.

Places can be very special - many years have passed, but I have never regretted moving back to the town where I grew up, though it took me four years to do it (with frequent visits back home, however): one year in grad school, three in my first professional job.
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