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Old 05-09-2015, 09:00 AM
 
9,351 posts, read 5,307,739 times
Reputation: 2200

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I am 27 will be 28 by the end of the year. I am not established in life and still trying to discover who I am. I graduated college with a degree in criminal justice, but ever since college started feeling depressed. That was something uncommon for me I had a eating disorder in high school. Struggled as a kid with not wanting to get old, dealing with the divorce, and trouble focusing.

Not sure if follow relationship with my mom is always rocky. Recently like an exploding volcano. Mostly my mom call it telling me the truth. Basically blaming me for her drinking and smoking. My mom's infrequent mood chnages. Caling me names, saying I am a loser, telling me I looked better skinnier, depression is made up, you will never succeed. Barging in my room unannounced. Walking around the house naked. Trashing my room or house at random. Wanting to clean up her own messes in the house. That's been going on for awhile. Go into the volcano explosion later.

After graduating college, five year's, family upset it took me five year's to graduate college. Granted they didn't pay for it. I went to become police officer. After about 8-10 exams and no luck decided look elsewhere for employment. As an EMT and my per diem work in the hospital I found work utilizing my degree in a hospital close to home as a counselor. I lived on my own. Kind of felt freedom at that moment from my mom's control. From 24-27 lived with girlfriend. Paid about $400 in rent and did share of groceries. Also gave my mom money time to time.

Then life crashed girlfriend broke up with me. All that freedom I had landed me in $8,000 worth of debt, and was laid off from my job. I returned home with my mom, living with my mom is an external stressors of my depression. Friction furthered when I couldn't give my mom rent money from September to October, lived with my mom since June at that point.

Friction furthered with my mom and family when I passed up on applying to a job in corrections. I just didn't feel was right fit for me. I didn't know what to do with my life at this point. In November found a job finally. It was working great planned to go back to school. Then the job told me they couldn't guarantee me work.

I applied to a few job's but no luck. I applied interviewed at a job I worked at per diem before. My mom wanted me to get that job I really wasn't interested in the job. Without my knowing asked my uncle who works for the company to write a letter to HR to hire me. I finally got the job a month later. Family told me you need to stop job hopping, keep this job, you leave this job your insulting your uncle, and so forth.

I really wasn't interested in this job wanted to get back in mental health field. Girlfriend, fiance, at time worried about safety with the job. I dealt a lot with blood borne pathogens. Anyways landed two job's. I took the one that laid the most. It worked out well that the pay was same amount a week as my full time job was leaving. However, was only 24 hour's a week.

I couldn't tell my family that because they only look at working only 24 hour's. Family functions had to pretend working at my previous job. Then my mom started snooping through my e-mail, mail, and thought blocked her on Facebook my Facebook profile. Finally truth had to come out. My mom was upset initially hid and lied to her about the new job. However, as I knew be upset over the fact only working 24 hour's. Continually calling me lazy, a beep loser, and something is seriously wrong with you. Saying should pick up another part time job. You are working in a terrible place. Then changed, I used to, give my mom more money, but can only afford giving her $240 a week. Now wants me to give her $240 a week and buy my own groceries. I just can't afford that.

Then mom upset hid I got engaged. I knew she freak out over money, which she did. The plan was to get married din two, but bumped it up to a year. My fiance dad passed away set aside money that would be used towards her wedding. So we're going ahead with it in a year and 1/2.

I am still unsure of what want to do with life. Went to a few open houses for colleges think found right program for me. Trying to figure how to balance it out with work. Upsets my mom looking for another job since I stared this one. Looking for night job so can go to school during the day. Plan to use tuition money from current job to go back for my EMT certification and find work closer to home at night that way. I am looking to go back to school for civil engineering. Probably take me 2 1/2 year's. Fiance starts nursing school.in the fall with same time frame. Figure when we're done we look for work out of state. We have a plan. My fiance thinks be healthier for me to not live with my mom any longer. Doesn't want to rent rather buy her first place...also has mindset as a friend of hers in a low end area had bed bugs in her apartment. Anyways wants us to move in with her mom after the wedding for a year. Save up money for a place to buy on own. Mom in law is open to it.

Anyways that 's causing anger against my mom. Mom is against the wedding and wanting me to seek counseling. Mom even found a counselor for me because she thinks something is seriously wrong with me according to her.

I am bit stressed financially as have a $1400 tax bill coming out over next four month's. Have a car lease that 's getting close to over mileage. Damaged my car have $1500 to $2,000 damage. So trying to save up $1,000 for the fall to pay my deductible on my insurance. Save up another $5,000 to put toward my car in May. Then from May to October save money up for the wedding and try to take big chunk out of bills. I plan to take classes in the fall and finish up by 2017.

I don't know I feel overwhelmed and feel like a loser. My mom tells me I am...not sure if I should take it to heart.
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Old 05-09-2015, 06:06 PM
 
Location: The 719
15,307 posts, read 23,376,422 times
Reputation: 14469
You ought to aim higher due to your degree.

See what you need to do to become a probation officer.
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Old 05-09-2015, 08:30 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
10,061 posts, read 18,070,776 times
Reputation: 14470
Your mother and you sound very dysfunctional together. I think you should def move out, no matter what it takes b/c she is destroying any self esteem you manage to build up. You'll be fine--really you will.
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Old 05-09-2015, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
2,202 posts, read 1,524,282 times
Reputation: 1363
Love your mom realize you are a separate band different personn as I had to do with my drunken father. BHonor your mom ,but distance yourself from her negatively influencing your life. Even at your age you need self esteem , nurturing and support and must seek it from peers and mentors that promote you!
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Old 05-10-2015, 07:41 AM
 
9,351 posts, read 5,307,739 times
Reputation: 2200
Even on mother's day try to help her. She is just running around saying I am not doing anything, but being lazy. Very hyper she is today.

Things did improve though. Helping my mom garden. I mean throwing few swears and insults at each other, but that's normal. You know it's bad when my mom doesn't talk to you. A few insults like "You are just like your father", those hurt the most.

Not insulting my girlfriend by what she considers jokes today. Not criticizing the wedding.

Random thought about depression with my family why we view it as a weakness. Was always told growing up that wearing your heart on your sleeve people will take advantage if you. That crying is a sign of weakness.

Last edited by RunD1987; 05-10-2015 at 08:46 AM..
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Old 05-10-2015, 07:59 AM
 
3,700 posts, read 3,083,226 times
Reputation: 2614
You two are feeding off each other, and you will be in the same position you are now 20-30 years from now if you don't just terminate the relationship. I know it's Mother's Day and it's some sorta national holiday for some people (just look at all the phonies out on Facebook today), but truth is most humans suck, and moms are human. Sorry if I have a negative, though realistic viewpoint, on motherhood. (my mother was a junkie who gave me to her mother who was no mother of the year either, blech).
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:21 AM
 
9,351 posts, read 5,307,739 times
Reputation: 2200
Now calling me a swear word retard. Saying look at all these young people living on their own why can't you...something is wrong with you.
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:49 AM
 
4,761 posts, read 11,822,368 times
Reputation: 7879
You are what you eat... You are (or you will become) what other people say you are...

With that said, you will become successful if you move in with someone positive who tells you good things about yourself!

STAY AWAY FROM ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU NEGATIVE THINGS! Don't talk to them on the phone, hang-up! Don't listen to them - slam the door in their face or walk away! These people are NOT your friends! Period!

So easier said then done... But try to find a roommate situation at craigslist.org - maybe work in-turn for rent situation. Some farms need help. Go to a senior center and an older person may have a big house, need a bit of help around the house, and could give you free rent in return?

Anyway get into a positive environment ASAP!

Watch the following until then...
(The Little Engine That Could)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TPUwrURo6M

Your next post here should have a subject of "Am I a successful happy person?" (Live, eat, sleep, and drink positive thoughts...)
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Old 05-10-2015, 06:39 PM
 
Location: PANAMA
1,424 posts, read 1,150,385 times
Reputation: 1156
Remember never give up on life...things can change for the better.
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Old 05-12-2015, 07:28 AM
 
13,081 posts, read 16,282,204 times
Reputation: 15363
Quote:
Originally Posted by RunD1987 View Post
Now calling me a swear word retard. Saying look at all these young people living on their own why can't you...something is wrong with you.
Actually there's something wrong with her...get a place of your own...no matter what.
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