U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-29-2015, 04:13 PM
 
2,909 posts, read 2,200,659 times
Reputation: 2932

Advertisements

One of my husband's ex-girlfriends has epilepsy.

Her epilepsy affects how her brain functions.

She is aware that he is married. I have met her.

She has told him that she has very few friends. She had male friends in the past, but when they got married, their friendship changed. She would hang out alone with her male friends when both of them were single, and she wanted to do the same thing after her male friends got married. She was invited to spend time with her male friends wives, but she did not like doing that after a while because she felt like a third wheel. So she wanted to spend time alone with her male friends without their wives being around. That did not go over very well with the wives. So the friendship ended.

My husband mentioned to me a while back that she has told him that she wants him to be her friend due to the fact that she does not have that many friends. So together we came up with the type of friendship we both feel comfortable with him having with her....

A very basic friendship via Facebook and texting. Basic as in hi, how are you? Hi, how has your day been going? and so on.

Recently she contacted my husband letting him know this...

Whenever he is free, we should have lunch.

He left her voice mail letting her know that he does not mind having lunch with her, but he would like me to join. She called him back asking him why I have to join him. He had to tell her that since he and I are a married couple, I need to come along.

What threw me for a loop was the fact that my husband established specific boundaries regarding his friendship with her, she contacted him about having lunch with him, she did not mention me, he had to mention me, and she asked him why I had to join him.

She finally agreed to my coming along.

Both of us wonder if she thinks that even though he is married, he can still act like a single person.

How do you deal with a person like this?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-29-2015, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Sugarmill Woods , FL
6,234 posts, read 6,414,917 times
Reputation: 13675
You shouldn't have to deal with his EX!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2015, 04:42 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 30,516,042 times
Reputation: 19695
My question is what does her epilepsy have to do with any of this whole situation?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2015, 04:47 PM
 
2,909 posts, read 2,200,659 times
Reputation: 2932
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
My question is what does her epilepsy have to do with any of this whole situation?
According to my husband, her epilepsy affects her thought processes.

Her epilepsy affects how her brain works... so it affects her thought processes.

Basically her thinking is flawed compared to someone who does not have epilepsy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2015, 05:39 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 30,516,042 times
Reputation: 19695
Quote:
Originally Posted by snugglegirl05 View Post
According to my husband, her epilepsy affects her thought processes.

Her epilepsy affects how her brain works... so it affects her thought processes.

Basically her thinking is flawed compared to someone who does not have epilepsy.
I have had epilepsy since age 11 and I am 41 now. I have tonic-clonic epilepsy which used to be called grand-mal seizures.

Tonic-clonic seizure definition - MedicineNet - Health and Medical Information Produced by Doctors

My though process is not off and my thinking is not flawed do to having epilepsy. Maybe the way she thinks is just the way she thinks.

As a person with epilepsy, I have to say I am pretty offended in both yours and your husbands thought process.

Thankfully I have not had a seizure since October 2008 but I will always have to take medication so that I will not have any more (hopefully.)

I wish people were more educated about illness before making assumptions on how they work.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2015, 05:44 PM
 
35,107 posts, read 42,709,542 times
Reputation: 62211
I don't have to accompany Mr. CSD when he has a meal with his female friends or his ex wife so I don't have to "handle" anything. We both know he is married, his friends know he is married and I trust him or I would not be married to him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2015, 06:12 PM
 
2,909 posts, read 2,200,659 times
Reputation: 2932
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
I have had epilepsy since age 11 and I am 41 now. I have tonic-clonic epilepsy which used to be called grand-mal seizures.

Tonic-clonic seizure definition - MedicineNet - Health and Medical Information Produced by Doctors

My though process is not off and my thinking is not flawed do to having epilepsy. Maybe the way she thinks is just the way she thinks.

As a person with epilepsy, I have to say I am pretty offended in both yours and your husbands thought process.

Thankfully I have not had a seizure since October 2008 but I will always have to take medication so that I will not have any more (hopefully.)

I wish people were more educated about illness before making assumptions on how they work.
Well...

According to my husband, who has had first hand experience dealing with her in the past, her brain does function differently compared to someone who does not have epilepsy.

So exactly how would you like others to word the fact that someone's brain functions differently so you will not be offended by their choice of words?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2015, 06:33 PM
 
2,121 posts, read 1,429,494 times
Reputation: 10334
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post

I wish people were more educated about illness before making assumptions on how they work.

Epilepsy and Cognition

First line: "It is well known that neuropsychological impairment can be associated with chronic epilepsy."

There are many different types and manifestations of epilepsy, but some do certainly affect cognitive ability. I also happen to know a woman who is thus affected.


To the OP: I think how your husband handled it was exactly right. She may not understand that married people "have to" do things differently than single people. Sounds like your husband set the boundaries firmly and kindly.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2015, 07:40 PM
 
2,909 posts, read 2,200,659 times
Reputation: 2932
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
Epilepsy and Cognition

First line: "It is well known that neuropsychological impairment can be associated with chronic epilepsy."

There are many different types and manifestations of epilepsy, but some do certainly affect cognitive ability. I also happen to know a woman who is thus affected.


To the OP: I think how your husband handled it was exactly right. She may not understand that married people "have to" do things differently than single people. Sounds like your husband set the boundaries firmly and kindly.

Thanks, Murk
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-30-2015, 09:31 PM
 
13,081 posts, read 16,289,083 times
Reputation: 15363
Quote:
Originally Posted by snugglegirl05 View Post

How do you deal with a person like this?
You really didn't need to ask...you've handled it beautifully.

Oh, and her epilepsy has nothing to do with her extreme lack of judgement, and respect.

Last edited by purehuman; 05-30-2015 at 09:42 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:54 AM.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top