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Old 06-07-2015, 11:21 PM
 
4 posts, read 3,373 times
Reputation: 15

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First off let me go by saying, I know I am not the only human with problems and I do appreciate all your honesty, random internet people.

A bit about me, I am a recently thirty year old male, who is gay, walk with a limp due to slight medical condition(not on SSDA as am able to work), have crooked teeth due to said medical condition + wisdom teeth getting in the way, have had major legal issues that recently(~3 years ago) have impacted my life as well as many others, not physically fit, socially out of the normal, and the list goes on...

Let me be upfront and say, I do appreciate those who want to say, that I am depressed and should seek help, or go talk to someone... That does nothing for me, I can talk to someone for hours and it means nothing to me. All they did was sit there and make some diagnosis that I already made on myself..nothing really was accomplished.. Anyways, it is not in the budget for that to happen, counselor or pills, I don't have the funds for any of it due to my crap job I had to take because of my legal issues. Rent/Bills don't pay themselves.

I was in a great relationship, had my life on track, and made the wrong life choices, and am paying for it, for the rest of my life, along with the physical medical condition(s) I have I feel that this life is, essentially, worthless. I don't have any goals, plans, desires, wants, for anything anymore. I just don't care about anything to do with my life and I don't know what to do. I try to get to know someone, and maybe go on one date, then boom, they disappear from talking to me with no reason. I used to have a good life, but with this stigma attached to me, I don't see how this life is feasible, I don't see myself getting my own property, house, family, relationship, I do not see a future.

I think I do good at keeping up a positive outlook on things when I'm around my co-workers, put on a "happy smile" at work, at home I'm different, I don't have any friends anymore because they have moved on with their lives, have families, etc. My family is still around, My mother passed when I was just about in my teen years, but my father got re-married many years later and has another family to take care of, my biological older brother is around but useless with these matters, as he has a child to take care of. I have blocked myself from seeing them in any way besides phone, and rare visits, because it is easier to do, less red tape to deal with.

Am I wrong for wanting to have a better life for myself, perhaps a better apartment? A better job? A relationship? A goal for life?
I just don't have the desire to attempt those things, I would like them, but eh.. is what I feel. Eh.

I don't get it, I just don't.

 
Old 06-08-2015, 12:02 AM
 
Location: Vancouver
4,506 posts, read 239,315 times
Reputation: 864
Hi Zak .....I am really only able to give you the advice that you don't want to hear - therapy and meds.

I realize you are not motivated to do anything, but I also recommend you engage in some type of physical exercise daily because it's shown to change brain chemistry. And oh oh oh - adopt a pet...a little bundle of love to come home to.
 
Old 06-08-2015, 12:16 AM
 
Location: Upstate NY 🇺🇸
36,768 posts, read 11,675,553 times
Reputation: 35268
OMG Zak...you're a baby! If you think you've taken a wrong turn or two at 30, wait until you're 60. Everyone has regrets about what they've done or haven't done.

I don't know what "stigma" you're referring to, but I'm sorry about your physical challenges. Thankfully, you can still work. But if you truly want those things you've mentioned, you will have to care.

Jobs come and go, too, and I have no doubt things will look up for you. BTW, someone with your writing ability should be able to go anywhere, open his arms and say, I'm here. Hire me!

Good luck, and hang in there. The sun comes up every morning. Life is beautiful, Zak.

 
Old 06-08-2015, 03:33 AM
 
4 posts, read 3,373 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delahanty View Post
OMG Zak...you're a baby! If you think you've taken a wrong turn or two at 30, wait until you're 60. Everyone has regrets about what they've done or haven't done.

I don't know what "stigma" you're referring to, but I'm sorry about your physical challenges. Thankfully, you can still work. But if you truly want those things you've mentioned, you will have to care.

Jobs come and go, too, and I have no doubt things will look up for you. BTW, someone with your writing ability should be able to go anywhere, open his arms and say, I'm here. Hire me!

Good luck, and hang in there. The sun comes up every morning. Life is beautiful, Zak.

Quote:
Originally Posted by allthatglitters View Post
Hi Zak .....I am really only able to give you the advice that you don't want to hear - therapy and meds.

I realize you are not motivated to do anything, but I also recommend you engage in some type of physical exercise daily because it's shown to change brain chemistry. And oh oh oh - adopt a pet...a little bundle of love to come home to.
Thank you both for your input. I appreciate it. allthatglitters, Maybe a animal would be a good change of things. Who knows.

And Delahanty, the stigma attached to me essentially, wont me allow me to go to public places alone, if you catch my drift. If not, i can be more direct. I've admitted my faults and come to terms with things, honest and truthfull too.
 
Old 06-08-2015, 09:58 AM
 
4,761 posts, read 11,822,368 times
Reputation: 7879
Don't understand what you mean by "stigma"? If this has to do with what other people think, then no problem, just ignore those who are negative - associate only with those who are positive. And that may be one person out of 100! (As in I can count all my friends on one hand!)

A friend is someone who knows all about you and still likes you! (Some people are quite shallow and will stop being friends with someone... Say because they lost their high paying job and are no longer a "country club" member! They were NOT a friend to begin with!

Anyway if you can, fixing the money problems can go a long way toward not having things to worry about constantly. That can be accomplished by making more money - or having lower expenses. Easier to lower expenses...

-Find a roommate situation on craigslist.org.
-Get rid of the car and take the bus.
-Have your paid TV disconnected - read books or go for walks - meet people!
-Move to a less expensive city.
-Etc.
 
Old 06-11-2015, 03:05 PM
 
13,081 posts, read 16,282,204 times
Reputation: 15363
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zak1122 View Post
First off let me go by saying, I know I am not the only human with problems and I do appreciate all your honesty, random internet people.



Am I wrong for wanting to have a better life for myself, perhaps a better apartment? A better job? A relationship? A goal for life?
I just don't have the desire to attempt those things, I would like them, but eh.. is what I feel. Eh.

I don't get it, I just don't.
You're still so young...
Without dependents you can do what ever you like...Maybe you could go to a new place, town, state whatever...You've a lot of life left ahead, if you're not happy where you are you'll change it.
You must be fairly comfortable where you're at right now or you wouldn't just be say "Eh"....

A great place to meet others is helping the most needy.(they don't care about "stigmas")..you can meet a lot of real fine and compassionate people that way........I've always espoused Albert Einsteins words that say " Only a life lived for others is worth living"...those others can be humans, animals, plants etc, and once you see how precious is the help you can give... a strong sense of worth and value will follow.
Everyone wants a better life for themselves...or at least their/the children
Relationships are better when it's because you've crossed paths in life...it's genuine....thing is you got to be on a path other than the same one you're on now...same o same o every day.
What have you got to lose if you start over somewhere else?
Anyways...good luck to you, hope life brightens up for ya....
 
Old 06-11-2015, 03:20 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 6,067,310 times
Reputation: 11945
You need to focus inwards and forget about dating for a while. You are very depressed whether you think you are or not.

There are things you can begin to change, today.

Fitness is the most obvious one.

Who knows, maybe you'll end up as a Personal Trainer one day. It all starts with one step.

Stop looking to other people for mood relief. You need to become LOVABLE before you go looking to be loved.

This means, mental and emotional healing, which can only occur if you actually work hard at it.

There are a zillion sites you can check out but trust me when I tell you, physical activity is the key.

I struggle with severe depression and the days I can function are the days ive forced myself outdoors for a 30 minute walk. Its free, and it makes all the difference in the world.

Start helping others if you have free time. Go volunteer somewhere, anywhere, it will give you self esteem and focus and a sense that things perhaps are not so bad. It may even give your life a purpose which you sorely lack.

Good luck...I also recommend therapy and meds but those will also be useless unless you learn to manage your own moods, yourself.
 
Old 06-12-2015, 07:11 PM
 
4 posts, read 3,373 times
Reputation: 15
I do appreciate all the kind words you all have written.

I feel to further my understand where I am, I must reveal more into what is ment by "stigma"... In 2010 I went to jail, and did nine months, two years probation, and am now on the SO registry. If it matters or not, nothing on my behalf was ever done physically.

I am not expecting anything out of anything, just felt it is best to be honest instead of leading on that I am "normal".

If anyone cares to give thier views on the matters further, it would be greatly appreciated. How do i go about applying for a better job, should i be upfront with it and put it inmy resume? Cover letter? I have a college degree though at this point i find it useless. With the housing concerns, i dont see it possiable for me to get better than where i am, obviously.

Again, i do thank all who have taken thier time to at least read this, and respond to this.
 
Old 06-12-2015, 10:43 PM
 
4,761 posts, read 11,822,368 times
Reputation: 7879
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zak1122 View Post
...I feel to further my understand where I am, I must reveal more into what is ment by "stigma"... In 2010 I went to jail, and did nine months, two years probation, and am now on the SO registry. If it matters or not, nothing on my behalf was ever done physically...
I was just talking with someone whose KID was charged with this same sort of "stigma stuff"!

Anyway a LOT of this stuff was just normal stuff when I was growing up way back when. Now if you just touch someone, it is a federal offense.

With that said, the way people are headed with this, everyone will soon have a sticker on their windows, so you will have plenty of company! For example it is getting to be quite common for young people to be fooling around in public parks - they say this is getting to be more and more common. (I say this is due to people learning about these things on the internet or cell phones.)

The way I see it, there is plenty of opportunity here. Why don't you work on starting a community for people charged with these crimes? From what I have read, plenty of them did not do much of anything very wrong, but our legal system insists on placing a label on them.

Maybe you could place an ad in the paper or post something on Craigslist.org and get a bunch of you folks to pool your money - buy an apartment complex or something?

Birds of a feather flock together! Or misery enjoys company. (Depending on if you are an optimist or pessimist.)

Another saying is if you are being run out of town, get up front, walk proudly, and make it look like a parade!
 
Old 06-13-2015, 05:12 AM
 
4 posts, read 3,373 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delahanty View Post
OMG Zak...you're a baby! If you think you've taken a wrong turn or two at 30, wait until you're 60. Everyone has regrets about what they've done or haven't done.

I don't know what "stigma" you're referring to, but I'm sorry about your physical challenges. Thankfully, you can still work. But if you truly want those things you've mentioned, you will have to care.

Jobs come and go, too, and I have no doubt things will look up for you. BTW, someone with your writing ability should be able to go anywhere, open his arms and say, I'm here. Hire me!

Good luck, and hang in there. The sun comes up every morning. Life is beautiful, Zak.

Thank you for your open view and opnion on this matter.

I do think some sort of community would be good to have, however i think it is illegal for "us" to congragate(?) together... At the least it is for felons to, mine, even though small crime compared to others has been deemed a felony.

I do think having a place, other than homeless shelters for "my people", to live is a good idea, it is hard to find anywhere to live.

Thanks again for your input.
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