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i just want to say that i am not okay at all this time, i can't take it anymore, i tried, i really tried but it's too late, i'll be happier in another world
am too tired of crying, of the pain, of everything, i tried to be good, to take care of myself, but it hurt too bad
i'm sorry if i'm deceiving many people here but i can't cope with it all
DJ, expressing your pain is okay. I understand your pain from wanting the release from wanting to die. That is the worst pain someone can feel. It is like you come to the dead end of a road and up ahead is a brick wall and you look back and another brick wall has popped up. Just WHERE do you go/ what do you do???
You stop. Take a breath. And give yourself time that it takes to figure how how to make a third way out no matter how long it takes. It will come to those whon wait for an answer.
Another thing, having this emotional pain, wanting death or any emotional pain is okay too. I know I have felt "wrong" for hurting. Like I say: you are weak for feeling it. That hurts on top of all the rest.
Your feelings are neither right or wrong. You have a right to feel as you feel. Accept the feelings. What you do next is important too.
My wish for you is you give yourself time, get back to your doctors when you can. Remember, inch by inch you can do it.
I don't have the right words, talking in English is still very hard for me. I just wish I could find the right words to describe how my life is. Even if people can't help, I'd like them -- need them -- to understandme and my situation. I know people are just wanting to be nice and supportive but when people are saying "it will be okay" "there is light at the end of the tunnel" "you are strong, you can do it", I just want to tell them to shut up, to tell them that it hurt me to hear this, see this. Because it's like they're expecting me to get better somehow, but myself, me Inside, in my head, I know, that there is no hope, that my days are counted, that each day is a torture, I feel like this poor guy in my country, Vincent Lambert, he had an accident and his now in a vegetative state, his parents want to keep him "alive" and the others members of the family want to "let him go", I'm just like him, i'm already dead inside, and my body is dying already, so why keep on torturing myself ? I've realized since I'm here how bad I truly am, I didn't know before that I felt this way inside. I have no desires in my life, no future projects, and the worst is that I don't want to have any. I'm too tired now, I just want to let go, to be free, free of my body, free of my story, free of my "life". No matter where I look, the issue is still the same, I'll die in the end. No one in my life never gave me a chance to be myself and now that I am myself, everyone hates it. I don't know, I just think that maybe, some persons are like that, they die young because of life. I'm really sorry if I sound selfish but it's how I feel now. Bad things happens so fast but what next ? You have to fix them and it's never as fast as you would want it. What is hurting me too is the enormous number of sxit that happened to me in in a so short time. Life didn't gave me the chance to stand up that she was already stabbing me to death. Now I need peace, I need release and I need it fast... maybe I'm too young to die, but problems have no age and my problems aren't just some child problems, if I can't fix what is broken, I can only leave. Am I making any sense ?...
I think I need to close this thread. I feel ashamed I asked for help and advices and am now rejecting everything, I know it's bad but things have changed so fast and I'm too tired now, I need to rest, but painkillers aren't doing their thing and I can't. I just ask to all the people who participated here to forgive me.
Last edited by Eden Morlevent; 08-14-2015 at 05:31 PM..
I've long since lost hope in life. I have no reason to continue, it's really the unknown of death that is keeping me here and as each day passes I lose the ability to even care about that.
I've long since lost hope in life. I have no reason to continue, it's really the unknown of death that is keeping me here and as each day passes I lose the ability to even care about that.
I am sad to read this. It is so hard to be in this position. I have been there many, many times. I will look up quotes using brainy quotes and a subject (sad, pain, hurt or even less sad- hope, quiet). I read the words and thoughts and see
other people feel like I do and that I am not alone.
I wish for better days for you, IronDagron and all who reads this.
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