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Everything is going worse each day and I really don't know why I'm still here.
CALL THE SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE and talk.
1 (800) 273-8255
Call and keep calling as much as you need to call.
You are here because you are meant to be here. You are not meant to commit suicide. Things can turn around for you. KEEP ON KEEPING ON, one day at a time.
Call and keep calling as much as you need to call.
You are here because you are meant to be here. You are not meant to commit suicide. Things can turn around for you. KEEP ON KEEPING ON, one day at a time.
My father used to say that we are never too young to hurt other people.
I needed help at that age already, I said horrible things to people that didn't do anything to me, I was 15 and I couldn't stop all the sxit that came out of my mouth. I think I was just already very ill and not good in my head. But that isn't an excuse for what I've done.
Sorry, but saying terrible things to other people is very common among teens and certainly no reason be so hard on yourself -- unless, that is, what you said was so terrible that you drove someone to suicide. But, even then, 99.9% people who choose to kill themselves choose to do so -- obviously. Otherwise, the death would be considered either homicide or manslaughter and not suicide, except for the rare instance in which someone takes an overdose, for example, without really meaning to die, and a person standing by chooses to do nothing. This is what the police think happened with my son, btw, although nothing was ever proven. It is actually a slightly longer and more complicated story than that, but this is YOUR thread, not mine.)
In any case, STOP THINKING YOU ARE A BAD PERSON!! From what VERY little I can tell in your posts, you ARE a good person and you do deserve a good life!
Sorry, but saying terrible things to other people is very common among teens and certainly no reason be so hard on yourself -- unless, that is, what you said was so terrible that you drove someone to suicide. But, even then, 99.9% people who choose to kill themselves choose to do so -- obviously. Otherwise, the death would be considered either homicide or manslaughter and not suicide, except for the rare instance in which someone takes an overdose, for example, without really meaning to die, and a person standing by chooses to do nothing. This is what the police think happened with my son, btw, although nothing was ever proven. It is actually a slightly longer and more complicated story than that, but this is YOUR thread, not mine.)
In any case, STOP THINKING YOU ARE A BAD PERSON!! From what VERY little I can tell in your posts, you ARE a good person and you do deserve a good life!
Well, no one killed themselves because of me but I still feel very bad. I don't think I can say what I've said to them here, when I look at me in the mirror the only thing I see is a monster who cry because she is alone, but I just really deserve it, some people are broken, but they're the most adorable persons on this Earth, but I'm not like that, I'm not all innocent and gentle. What I think is that God punished me like this, made me ill and in the impossibility to recover no matter what. That's what I think, that's what my heart feel.
And I am still so sorry for your son, it's in these moments where I just want to die and be over with it. Life isn't all pink and shiny and full of love and hugs. That's the little world my baby heart would like to live in, not reality, and reality hurts more than anything
Well, no one killed themselves because of me but I still feel very bad. I don't think I can say what I've said to them here, when I look at me in the mirror the only thing I see is a monster who cry because she is alone, but I just really deserve it, some people are broken, but they're the most adorable persons on this Earth, but I'm not like that, I'm not all innocent and gentle. What I think is that God punished me like this, made me ill and in the impossibility to recover no matter what. That's what I think, that's what my heart feel.
And I am still so sorry for your son, it's in these moments where I just want to die and be over with it. Life isn't all pink and shiny and full of love and hugs. That's the little world my baby heart would like to live in, not reality, and reality hurts more than anything
One more time, thank you.
I could be wrong but do you think maybe your father is making you feel that way? That is a lot of what happens with me. I tend to think I deserve it because I am his daughter. I tell myself I don't because I know I shouldn't feel that way but it's hard not to feel that way. Just as your father mine has done some hurtful things.
I could be wrong but do you think maybe your father is making you feel that way? That is a lot of what happens with me. I tend to think I deserve it because I am his daughter. I tell myself I don't because I know I shouldn't feel that way but it's hard not to feel that way. Just as your father mine has done some hurtful things.
My father said I was insane many times. So, maybe. It's not interesting but well, he is an alcoholic, like most of his family (his parents were the same). When I was little he said I was fat and that I was like my mum, a stupid waste of air and money. He worked in the military all his life so he was used to make other people shut up. But then I grew up and I wasn't shutting up like he wanted. Maybe that's why I'm a tomboy now, he made me feel disgusted with the fact that I'm born a girl, not a boy so I tried to "become" one by dressing and acting like I do
I'm not making any sense, I think he just added to the rest, he isn't the real "why" and the "because" of everything.
I don't know how to do that, stop my stupid heart from loving someone. There was someone here, that I liked, but it's not reciprocal and I don't know how to make my heart complete again, it's so naive, why did I thought that maybe, maybe I'd finally find a friend ? I cant think with the heart of an adult, I guess, how can I change that ?
I'm not making any sense, again....
....................
Well, I will not come back here. I wanted to thank the people that responded to me and everything. This was very important to me.
Last edited by Eden Morlevent; 06-19-2015 at 08:21 PM..
Well, I am all alone and I have had chronic depression for more years than I want to think about. I have no support. I have people I can call but I am tired of having no one who cares to check on me. I feel so selfish when I put it that way. But it is a feeling that I can't let go of and all I want is to let go of these people.
I am tired of being alone. I am tired of being depressed with no way out. I want to escape but can't no matter what.
All I can do is eat badly. And each time my stomach hurts from that, I feel calmer. I feel supported. :-/ Crazy.
I am not well and have no where to turn.
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