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Old 06-20-2015, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Iceland
876 posts, read 742,016 times
Reputation: 1018

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Ok, so I have no idea why things are like this but I appear to be not that mentally stable for some reason as for whatever reason even small things appear to trigger extremely over the top reactions in me that normally other people would either brush off or at least only suffer a much less severe version off. Generally I am talking about things like anger, depression/sadness, or anxiety. Or even constant suspicions about other people and their potential motivations in regards to me. I will give a couple of examples.

The first example I am actually suffering from right now which is extreme anger.

So my day has for the most part been pretty good. I got plenty of sleep, woke up and took a bath. Then I went with members of my family to a graduation party that was being held by one of my nephews because he had just finished learning how to become a doctor. It went all very nice and well and I had a bit of fun chatting to him and some of the guests, and also had awesome food and also a beer. It was all very well and lovely. Then I went home and chilled in-front of my PC for a few hours before deciding to go the bar and end the end there by sipping some Jack Daniels and perhaps meet some fun people. I walked first to a nearby fast food place and had a burger and then went to the bar. I ordered a double Jack Daniels and the guy (some young bloke) who served me almost looked judgemental at me for it. While obnoxious I did not care and just took out my credit card. Turned out it was empty. Thankfully I have a second card just in case something like that happens, only it turned out to be empty as well. Now I stood their like a ****ing idiot witch a glass of double Jack that I could not pay for and the guy serving looked obviously annoyed. "Well I guess I will just have to come back another time..." I said and then left.

For most people this would have been a reason to feel annoyed for a short while but not for very long because these things just happen. Except that for some reason as I left the bar and started walking home, I started to feel increasingly angry at what happened as I continued to think about it:

"Who was that ****ing douche serving me, and how dare he to look at me like that? He thinks I am some low-class alcoholic piece of **** just cus I order a straight Jack at a bar???(note that I like whiskey a lot and drink many different kinds, I merely ordered Jack at the bar because drinking at the bar is a lot more expensive than at home so I can't really afford to drink the better stuff there) And seriously, BOTH my credit cards run dry at the same time WTF OMG ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME??????".

By the time I was home I was almost steaming. I thought to myself that I could make things better by simply serving myself some of my own whiskey which was of better quality than some Jack served at a bar anyway while watching funny youtube videos from some of my fav youtubers. That is actually what I normally do during the weekends and I enjoy it a great deal. Except that this time it did not work. It's like watching the video and drinking the whiskey only made me even more angry. I put the glass down and lay down on my bed for a couple of min while breathing slowly in and out trying to relax. Then I went back to watching youtube and drinking my whiskey. It did little to make me relax and I was still feeling really really angry to a point my chest almost starting hurting. Rather than continuing to drink like this I just threw the rest of the whiskey that was in my glass into the sink and stopped since I know trying to drink your anger way isn't wise. Shortly after I started making this thread.

And this is just an example of anger. There are also other cases where all kinds of seemingly innocent things can trigger strong emotional states in me. My boss looks at me in a way that is funny? "SURELY IS MUST BE CONSPIRING AGAINST ME OMG!!!!!". A co-worker complains about my work not being done exactly how she wants it? I will obsess over that **** for hours (and even later once I kinda stop I will still remember it for huge periods of time) and hugely dislike him or her.

The funny thing is that sometimes (though I am afraid not very often) this can actually work in my favor. Sometimes compliments can massively boost my self-esteem (though this is extremely situational) only later for me to emotionally wrecked by the smallest of things (though again, this is also very situational since only certain things appear to trigger me and not others).

See, a big part of my emotional problems is that I am constantly thinking and worrying about what everybody else is thinking about me and as a result I pay much greater attention to certain things that other people might not care as much about, like the exact expression of peoples faces when they look at me or talk to me, the tone in their voice, their exact wording. If anything at all feels off or I have even the slightest suspicion that they don't like me or anything I said then the results can be strong feelings ranging anywhere between anger, hatred, depression, anxiety, or whatever the situation "calls for".

I should note however that I am still able for the most part to keep all of this a secret from people. I don't suddenly lose control or anything like that.

What do you think could be the cause of my horrible mental instability?
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Old 06-21-2015, 04:11 PM
 
67 posts, read 139,159 times
Reputation: 105
Hi, I hope you are having a better day today. First of all, I believe that it is really positive that you are able to control your strong emotions in public. You just strike me as a very sensitive person. There is nothing wrong with that unless your sensitivity interferes with your quality of life...which it seems to be doing.

Would it at all help if you told yourself that other people are mostly focused on themselves, and chances are very slim that they are thinking about you or about something you did. They are too busy worrying about the impressions they are making. On top of that, if someone really gives you a nasty look, then that means that THEY have a problem and NOT YOU.

I am not a health professional, but I have a close relative who, like you, reacts very strongly to small triggers, mostly with anger. He is a wonderful and intelligent person, but he seems to be focused too much on what other people might be thinking. He has those reactions, I believe, because he suffers from low self worth, and is therefore paying too much attention to what he thinks others might be thinking of him. Let me remind you again, though, most other people are concerned with themselves, and they don't reflect on how you come across. My relative is still fairly young (around 20), and I suspect that you might be fairly young yourself.

So, my recommendations would be: 1. Try to research ways in which you can increase/develop healthy self-esteem (maybe read some books on the topic, or at least find things online). 2. Remind yourself, that others, just like you, are focused on themselves, and 3. If someone looks at you in a nasty manner or makes a mean-spirited comment, then THEY are the ones who have a problem, and not you (or maybe they are just having a bad day, and their actions have nothing to do with you).

Wishing you well!
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Old 06-21-2015, 04:16 PM
 
67 posts, read 139,159 times
Reputation: 105
Plus, also wanted to add that you might have a very high level of testosterone (my relative does) which would intensify reactions such as anger as well.
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Old 06-21-2015, 07:10 PM
 
Location: Iceland
876 posts, read 742,016 times
Reputation: 1018
Quote:
Originally Posted by midsummer View Post
if someone really gives you a nasty look, then that means that THEY have a problem and NOT YOU.
Quote:
Originally Posted by midsummer View Post
If someone looks at you in a nasty manner or makes a mean-spirited comment, then THEY are the ones who have a problem, and not you
Really, if others think poorly of you then you have no reason to care cus it's not your problem? Ever heard of the holocaust? The Armenian genocide? Or just hate crimes in general? None of those people who suffered in these things ever had a reason to care about how others viewed them?

But those are just extreme examples. There are plenty of other less deadly but bad things that can happen to people who aren't seen positively by others. How others view you can affect where you can work, who is willing to become your friend, if women will like you etc. The idea that how others think about you doesn't matter is a destructive and a naive myth.
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Old 06-21-2015, 10:36 PM
 
67 posts, read 139,159 times
Reputation: 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by hakkarin View Post
Really, if others think poorly of you then you have no reason to care cus it's not your problem? Ever heard of the holocaust? The Armenian genocide? Or just hate crimes in general? None of those people who suffered in these things ever had a reason to care about how others viewed them?

But those are just extreme examples. There are plenty of other less deadly but bad things that can happen to people who aren't seen positively by others. How others view you can affect where you can work, who is willing to become your friend, if women will like you etc. The idea that how others think about you doesn't matter is a destructive and a naive myth.
You are definitely right that it often matters how people view you. It matters when you are at a job interview. It can be dangerous if you are the "wrong" ethnicity/race in the wrong place, at the wrong time. I was not referring to those situations. If a random person looks at you funny (not while at a job interview or while being Jewish in Nazi Germany) it often is an expression of their own insecurity, or an expression of the fact that they themselves had a bad day, and has nothing much to do with you. Chances that you will become a victim of a hate crime, statistically speaking, are probably quite small.

I was really just trying to help you analyze your strong reactions as I thought you were asking for input. Maybe I was completely misguided, and would like to apologize to you if I offended you in any way. As mentioned, I am not a professional, but just an internet stranger. Maybe someone else will be able to come up with more suitable answers to your questions.

Wishing you all the best.
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Old 06-22-2015, 07:47 AM
 
Location: Iceland
876 posts, read 742,016 times
Reputation: 1018
I'm sorry if I came across as aggressive.
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Old 06-22-2015, 09:51 PM
 
Location: I'm out searching for me... If you see me, let me know... ;--)
3,551 posts, read 1,998,137 times
Reputation: 8070
Quote:
Originally Posted by hakkarin View Post
Really, if others think poorly of you then you have no reason to care cus it's not your problem? Ever heard of the holocaust? The Armenian genocide? Or just hate crimes in general? None of those people who suffered in these things ever had a reason to care about how others viewed them?

But those are just extreme examples. There are plenty of other less deadly but bad things that can happen to people who aren't seen positively by others. How others view you can affect where you can work, who is willing to become your friend, if women will like you etc. The idea that how others think about you doesn't matter is a destructive and a naive myth.
I am not a professional either- just someone who has dealt with angry- within my family and myself. It can be tricky!

I think Midsummer was trying to say we can't really know what people are thinking. The look they give you may be they suddenly remembered something they needed to do but forgot. Or they are thinking about an argument with someone else that makes them upset. We just don't know what they are feeling.

There is theory called the Rule of six. It says that there are at least six ways to look at every situation... probably more.

But as you say that how people view us is important in our society and that fact probably creates your anger/ fear of what they think. Ask yourself how important this interaction (what ever is triggering your anger) is. Does it matter if the bartender cares what you drink?

Or in a situation that someone says something or does something that makes you question why... try asking them a leading question.... why do you say that? Or is there something you need from me?

This allows the other person to speak if they wish. Or admit there is nothing they need.

I have to say it is great that you are thinking this through instead of just reacting. I know I've done that in the past. Been angry and upset but unaware of why. Finally, I started seeing how I was taking in the wrong information, making myself worry about what wasn't necessary.

The good thing about this thinking- you can use it to keep tabs on how you are reacting, using the test... why am I thinking this... or why did they do that? Or is this person important in the scheme of my day?

THEN you can ask yourself, what step do I need to make? Or not make because though, you worry about why someone did something, said something, in the long run that person really doesn't matter. The main thing, is let yourself have these feelings, ask what importance they are, and move on. Your worth is greater than what that person might even think!
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Old 07-06-2015, 11:53 PM
 
13,081 posts, read 16,289,083 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hakkarin View Post
Really, if others think poorly of you then you have no reason to care cus it's not your problem? Ever heard of the holocaust? The Armenian genocide? Or just hate crimes in general? None of those people who suffered in these things ever had a reason to care about how others viewed them?

But those are just extreme examples. There are plenty of other less deadly but bad things that can happen to people who aren't seen positively by others. How others view you can affect where you can work, who is willing to become your friend, if women will like you etc. The idea that how others think about you doesn't matter is a destructive and a naive myth.
In your "extreme examples" you're talking racism and bigotry...do you feel that discrimination aimed at you?
Otherwise I agree with the above poster that you really SHOULDN'T care, cause it really ISN'T your problem.
But you obviously do, I'm just wondering why your reaction (to what you think people think of you) is anger.
Do you know yourself?

I wouldn't suck up to anyone for a job, a friend, or a woman.
Maybe you're angry because you're really tired of pretending you're something different than who you really are..maybe you get so angry because you're tired of worrying what someone else is gonna think of you all the time.
Maybe you should try something different for a change.... give it a rest, spend a whole day allowing yourself to just be who you really are, and dress how you want, and don't put no pretense on at all.
Unfortunately your ideas that what others think holds such extreme importance, IS what's destructive...especially to you...............................good luck to you

Last edited by purehuman; 07-07-2015 at 12:06 AM..
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Old 07-09-2015, 07:33 AM
 
1 posts, read 12,142 times
Reputation: 11
surprised nobody has mentioned this but alcohol can be a huge trigger for anger. if you look at what it does to you, like the symptoms, extreme and irrational anger is listed (as is depression). it has been in the past for me at least, i would always get into arguments with my ex when i had been drinking and only had been drinking. if you drink a lot of alcohol (you say you do pretty regularly and you like whiskey), your sleep is probably pretty poor quality as well, making you more irritable throughout the day. i would probably be pissed if that had happened to me, i get angry at little stuff too for a short period of time and think about violent confrontation but then i brush it off after. seems to me when i drink its not as easy to brush off things like that and i get carried away with my anger.

keep in mind that drinking may also be a way to cope with some other underlying issue that you may not have noticed yet. why do you feel like you have to drink? these are some big questions and you probably dont have the answers but now would be a good time to start asking yourself and maybe talk to a professional! hope you are having a better day today man.
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Old 07-09-2015, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Iceland
876 posts, read 742,016 times
Reputation: 1018
2 days ago I started on a new drug called Concerta. I got it because I have bad ADHD. It's only a small doze (my doctor said I need time for my body to get use to it) but so far I actually feel considerably better. It's a stimulant and related to amphetamine so that's probably to be expected lol. But still, I wonder if this will improve my well being. My doctor said I also won't be able to drink any alcohol for a while as my body is getting used to it. A minimum of 1 month and possibly even many months depending on if I get bigger doses later. I wonder how being suddenly cut from my alcohol consumption will affect me. It's been 3 days since I had a drink and so far I don't seem to care. I don't think I will get any withdrawal effects, thankfully.
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