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Old 06-30-2015, 01:56 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
15,527 posts, read 13,605,865 times
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She sounds to me as if she feels proud of what shes doing , why on earth would she have told you so soon about this disorder.. I dont get it.as usually its kept as a secret.... or so Ive heard... She needs help but maybe not from you... its difficult though if you like her a lot.
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Old 06-30-2015, 02:53 AM
 
12 posts, read 12,264 times
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Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
She sounds to me as if she feels proud of what shes doing , why on earth would she have told you so soon about this disorder.. I dont get it.as usually its kept as a secret.... or so Ive heard... She needs help but maybe not from you... its difficult though if you like her a lot.
She told me soon because she claims im the only person that is truly nice to her and makes her feel like shes more than a sex object.
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Old 06-30-2015, 05:19 AM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,899,264 times
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Originally Posted by Optical12 View Post
Theres no way she will change if she sees someone likes her for her?
No. I'm in recovery from an eating disorder and what I'm about to say is something I have said to significant others, friends and family.

You cannot love someone's eating disorder away. You can't hope they will change for you or that if you love them enough and care enough that will make them better.

The only person who can get her into recovery is herself and she needs to be doing it because she wants to. Trying to change to please others never, ever works in the long term.

If you really do want a relationship with her it has to be with who she is now. You can't hope to fix her by dating her.

All of this said my personal experience with recovery and my professional feeling is that she's already in a relationship with her eating disorder. I'd suggest being there and being supportive but I don't think she's in a place for a romantic relationship.
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Old 06-30-2015, 04:36 PM
 
12 posts, read 12,264 times
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So since she just says "I only do it to make self feel safe lol" means she takes it as a joke..

Maybe she has a mental illness to besides Eating Disorder?
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Old 06-30-2015, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
6,432 posts, read 3,252,385 times
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So are you saying date her? Maybe show her a reason that someone cares about her?
I don't know what to suggest. Love won't cure her but maybe being appreciated and loved could trigger her into wanting to resolve her problem. Maybe.

What are her positive attributes? Does she have that something you could live with? My partner was bulimic but not while I've known her. I don't know much about bulimia but from what I can make out it is an illness in itself and may well come with other issues - I don't know. Why not continue to date her and see how it goes. At least you would be going into it with your eyes open. But maybe take it slow. Take time to know her. But if I dare say it - keep an escape hatch open. You could do worse than bulimia though. And she likes you!

You could try introducing her to your healthy way of eating and see if that influences her. Healthy and small meals, prepared by you even. She might like it.

I'm just suggesting not giving up too soon.

Hoping it goes well for you.
303Guy
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Old 06-30-2015, 07:29 PM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,899,264 times
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Originally Posted by Optical12 View Post
So since she just says "I only do it to make self feel safe lol" means she takes it as a joke..

Maybe she has a mental illness to besides Eating Disorder?
An eating disorder is a mental illness, but yes she could have other co-occuring disorders.

How much has she told you? Is she currently seeing a therapist or in treatment?

I'm confused about "I only do it to make self feel safe lol" Did you possibly leave out a word because I don't understand what she's saying.
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Old 06-30-2015, 07:32 PM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,899,264 times
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Originally Posted by 303Guy View Post

You could try introducing her to your healthy way of eating and see if that influences her. Healthy and small meals, prepared by you even. She might like it.
NO! Please do not do this to her, it will not help and could possibly trigger her or make things worse.
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Old 07-01-2015, 02:30 AM
 
12 posts, read 12,264 times
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Originally Posted by WeHa View Post
An eating disorder is a mental illness, but yes she could have other co-occuring disorders.

How much has she told you? Is she currently seeing a therapist or in treatment?

I'm confused about "I only do it to make self feel safe lol" Did you possibly leave out a word because I don't understand what she's saying.
She doesnt want to see a therapist she thinks doctors are out get her, that there trying to make her fat.
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Old 07-01-2015, 06:44 PM
 
12 posts, read 12,264 times
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I hung out with her today, she just told me "I can't believe it, I have not done my bulimia in over 4 days, I just wanted to tell you thanks for making me feel like im worth something, I know that probably sounds strange to you, but it means the world to me"
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Old 07-01-2015, 07:04 PM
 
227 posts, read 167,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Optical12 View Post
I hung out with her today, she just told me "I can't believe it, I have not done my bulimia in over 4 days, I just wanted to tell you thanks for making me feel like im worth something, I know that probably sounds strange to you, but it means the world to me"
The thing here is that she's now holding you as her anchor, as her reason for not indulging in her habit. As romantic as that might sound, that's actually very dangerous.

She needs professional help and she needs to fess up to that. The fact that she's saying the doctors are out to get her is concerning and it means that she's not in the place to get help, though she needs it.

Don't put yourself in the position of being her 'cure'. It will hurt you and it will hurt her. As harsh as it sounds, love alone is not enough to help her heal, especially if she's in denial about her need for help. It will lull her into a false sense of security and put a heavy weight on your shoulders because if she relapses, you'll see it as your fault.

I don't know the best way to approach her, because I've never dealt with an eating disorder myself, or had a friend who had one. However, she does need help.
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