Is this manipulative by my therapist? (psychiatrist, therapy, deal, feeling)

[ellenrr]

I have been seeing her for about 2 months, weekly. She is a counselor-type, not a psychologist or psychiatrist.
After I made my initial appt, she called and asked if I could change it. (she offered some reason, I forget).
I was willing to, and I did.

Now she has asked me to change my appt in the next 2 weeks bec, she has a client with religious observation whose appt falls on a religious holiday.

First she telephoned me before my last appt and asked this.
I felt and feel like I should not be asked to change my appt time to accommodate another client.
I returned the call and said, no I could not change.
I did not offer an "excuse", like "I have no other time" - I just said I did not wish to change my appt.

so yesterday I had my regular appt with her, and at the end, she asked me again if I could re-schedule my appt for the next 2 weeks!
I said no.
She said, "Sometimes it is good to be flexible."

My thots/feelings are:
1. The first time she asked me, I thot it was inappropriate to ask, but I shrugged it off.

2. To ask again, after I said no, takes a lot of hutspah, as we say in Yiddish, - a lot of pushiness.

3. To try to guilt me, by saying I could be flexible, is manipulative, imo.

I should add that this therapist only works afternoons, and doesn't work on Fridays.
So if she has a client with a need for a different appt, and if it is so important, that she will request I change my appt, let her change her life and come in on a morning or on a Friday.
or a Sunday for that matter.
Add also that she knows I am retired, so perhaps her thot is that therefore I have a very light schedule.
Well, in some ways I do have a light schedule, compared to working 40 hours a week.
But - I end up doing something every day, sometimes I go on day trips, and my appt day Thursday, is a day when I have another obligation, so I do not wish to tie up another day.

Basically, I don't see why I should change my appt to accommodate another client.
That is between that client and the therapist.

I'm interested to get anyone's feed-back.

My therapist - being a therapist - will certainly frame it in ways that make her right and me wrong:
"It is good to be flexible."
whereas I see it as her being manipulative.
A matter of perspective.

[hertfordshire]

Regardless of whether or not it's manipulative, I think it's time to find a new therapist ... for two reasons. First of all, this one seems to have very limited scheduling opportunities. If it's been an issue three times in two months, it will be an issue in the future. Secondly, you already have some level of distrust, and that could possibly undermine any progress that you hope to achieve.

[ellenrr]

Originally Posted by hertfordshire

Regardless of whether or not it's manipulative, I think it's time to find a new therapist ... for two reasons. First of all, this one seems to have very limited scheduling opportunities. If it's been an issue three times in two months, it will be an issue in the future. Secondly, you already have some level of distrust, and that could possibly undermine any progress that you hope to achieve.

I agree re in general I am thinking that she and I have different ideas.
I am thinking of stopping with her, and telling her why.
But I am going to sit with the decision for a while.

[froglipz]

Find a different therapist!

[chiluvr1228]

I could understand her asking once in two months for you to change your appointment but not this often. She needs to learn better organizational skills in my opinion. If you already feel like she is trying to manipulate you then I agree find a different therapist. Unless your issue is being inflexible and she's trying to "help" you.....

[Ms. Tarabotti]

Is she a licensed therapist with a degree from a reputable program?

I find it strange that she would ask you to move your appointment instead of working a time out with the other patient. And since she is only working part time, shouldn't the onus be on her to have the flexible schedule?

Find a new therapist.

[HighFlyingBird]

I think the biggest issue is she isn't providing a safe place. An occasional change is totally acceptable on both ends. But constant changing doesn't provide a safe space. Also, asking you to do things for other clients weakens the relationship. They really aren't supposed to do that.

[Ruth4Truth]

You could solve the problem by telling her the other patient can have your time slot on a permanent basis, because you've moved on. It can be very disconcerting to have such frequent requests for schedule change. You could tell her you need more stability in your schedule, and she's not able to provide that.

Stick with your decision, and don't let her try to dissuade you. Good luck!

[ellenrr]

I am going to tell her the person can have my app. time all the time.

but i'm not looking for another therapist.
i was ambivalent anyway about therapy.

if i could find the right person i think it cd be helpful, but this is the 2nd one I tried in a short time.
both of them could not adhere to my request that they not interrupt me.
It's not like I talk for 5 minutes, I don't talk for probably more than 60 seconds, before I stop.

in ordinary conversation, we sometimes interrupt each other - we get excited or we ask a clarifying question - no big deal.

but i had explained to both therapists, that I lose my train of thought, and that if they would let me get to the end of the sentence that would work very well for me.

Neither of them could do it.
It seems to me that if one cannot be uninterrupted in therapy, what is the point?

thank you all for yr responses.

[Mikala43]

Tell her it IS good to be flexible......... so SHE should change her schedule for the patient.

Yeah, I would find a new doc.