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Old 08-01-2015, 11:42 AM
 
9,214 posts, read 8,061,993 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tarajane2013 View Post
Thank you for speaking plainly. I wonder how long I will be in denial ??? Do these patients even in the very early stages get very sarcastic and mean talking sometimes ? Now, our best friends for life live near us and now he seems so very jealous of him. He has 2 Harleys, a mini coop, a HD truck and a HD trailer. everything he would want. But now he could not ride a HD..he can barely walk ;-( he has always been accident prone but now he has fallen 2 times in the last two weeks. And guess what, yep it makes me mad. That's my problem though. I am going to try and glean everything I can from my group Monday. I really sometimes I think it would be a good thing if we just moved to FL..we have a house in mind if you have read my other posts. It's just a matter of driving down and looking at it. Maybe driving down would give me some idea of what he is feeling and how he travels. Thanks to everyone and I will report back after Monday. I can't believe this is happening to me/us.
It's referred to as agitation. It's common in Alzheimer's/dementia. It seems to be situational so that how you handle something where the two of you have disagreement will affect the tone greatly. You can't push too hard on things if his mood changes and he becomes uncooperative.
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Old 08-01-2015, 02:00 PM
 
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That's what I'm hoping to learn all about Monday night. But meeting once a month won't quite cut it for me. Can I find support anywhere else besides here, group that I love ?
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Old 08-03-2015, 05:07 PM
 
4,287 posts, read 3,147,307 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tarajane2013 View Post
Thank you for speaking plainly. I wonder how long I will be in denial ??? Do these patients even in the very early stages get very sarcastic and mean talking sometimes ? Now, our best friends for life live near us and now he seems so very jealous of him. He has 2 Harleys, a mini coop, a HD truck and a HD trailer. everything he would want. But now he could not ride a HD..he can barely walk ;-( he has always been accident prone but now he has fallen 2 times in the last two weeks. And guess what, yep it makes me mad. That's my problem though. I am going to try and glean everything I can from my group Monday. I really sometimes I think it would be a good thing if we just moved to FL..we have a house in mind if you have read my other posts. It's just a matter of driving down and looking at it. Maybe driving down would give me some idea of what he is feeling and how he travels. Thanks to everyone and I will report back after Monday. I can't believe this is happening to me/us.
There are personality changes associated with the disease. My heart goes out to you as it is a tough road you're going to have to travel.

I really don't know about FL. It will be a lot of additional stress for both of you even if everything goes well because moving is inherently stressful. Is that something you both would be able to deal with? You will still have the same issues, just in a different place but there might be other benefits. A test run to drive down and take a look without actually buying anything sounds like it might be a good idea. It would definitely give you some additional information on which to base a decision. You'll just have to make a list of the pros and cons. Is there a trusted friend or relative that you could discuss this with? I'd be sure and run the trip by his doctor first.

I'd ask at the group tonight what other resources are available to help you. I'd also look into having someone stay with him even for a couple of hours once a week to give YOU a break.

You also might post in the caregiving forum. They will probably have some good input.

Hang in there.
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Old 08-04-2015, 10:34 AM
 
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Thank you so much. Yes his Doctor said it was even ok to move right now. I have discussed this with my sister and she agrees and my best friend agrees and the group agreed it would be a good idea to drive down and see how it goes. Again thank you all. Also, where we live there are absolutely NO facilities for Dementia patients to participate in such as groups for them or activities of any kind. I would have to drive 50 miles for that. I know in FL there are places for him to enjoy Thanks
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Old 08-04-2015, 12:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by tarajane2013 View Post
Thank you so much. Yes his Doctor said it was even ok to move right now. I have discussed this with my sister and she agrees and my best friend agrees and the group agreed it would be a good idea to drive down and see how it goes. Again thank you all. Also, where we live there are absolutely NO facilities for Dementia patients to participate in such as groups for them or activities of any kind. I would have to drive 50 miles for that. I know in FL there are places for him to enjoy Thanks
I will send positive thoughts your way for a safe and easy trip.
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Old 08-10-2015, 12:30 PM
 
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Well, here we are in FL and tomorrow going to look at 2 properties. My husband seems worse with his mild dementia. Is it because he is scared about buying a house and moving out of his safe place?? He assures me when he is feeling good that he wants to move to FL..I am thinking he will have a total meltdown if we move. People in the medical field tell me that I have to do things that make ME happy. Moving would make me happy. I feel really alone down here but I know I get on this forum and find some kind of encouragement. I really need it right now. His family doc says he is ok to move if that's what we want but I am wondering. All my adult life I have been wanting to move to FL. Did it once about 2 years ago and it was a disaster so we moved back. The circumstances are all together different now and we would be happy here I know it. How can I make some friends in FL that are in the same sinking boat as myself ? It will be important to have friends when he will continue to go downhill. Thank you all.
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Old 08-10-2015, 12:44 PM
 
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For the first time in our lives we are in the process of buying a very small farm in FL We can have chickens and whatever else we want. However if you have read my other posts you know my husband has early signs of Dementia. He has an apt Monday with a alz/dementia specialist. I am going to ask him if it is wise to move my husband now. He loves FL and we have been going there for 48 years. I think it would feel like home to him. Before I ask the specialist, I am asking you all. Would you take your husband, mother ,etc. to another place to live and he is very familiar with the area and we have had tons of fun in the past years. Also I figure FL can better take care of him if I need them. We are Boomers. Please give me some input and related stories.
Buying a farm is the LAST thing I would do if my husband has all the ailments you have listed. He could get lost, hurt himself, or if he's put in a home or dies, you would have no way to take care of the place. Rethink this.
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Old 08-10-2015, 02:48 PM
 
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It will be just an acre farm for a few chickens. Maybe a pygmy goat. I already take care of everything around my house now so at least it will be happy chores now. He is not at the lost stage yet, seems far from it. He does fall and has scrapes. He has been urged to use a cane. He has started. Thank you for your response
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Old 08-10-2015, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Huntsville, AL
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tarajane2013

I'm an only child - adult - 55 year old male. My parents had me late in life - in that dad is 92 mom is 83.
Both have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's / dementia and it's rough... It's a very hard thing to deal with, in that I never imagined that I'd have to become my parents, parent. It's heartbreaking to see them decline - tell you the same story 4 times in an hour - the only good part to that is that the story line never changes, so you have to assume all of it is as it happened.

They can tell you what color socks they were wearing on March 4, 1972 and how much gas was in the cars tank - but they can't tell you that they had lunch a half hour ago, let alone what it was.

It's (Alzheimer's) a crushing disease - one that I'd not wish on ANYONE... EVER.

Friends that know/knew my parents will say things like, 'I know how hard that is on you' - unless they've had to deal with it, they haven't a clue.

I ask them, 'Have you ever broken your arm?' - and hope to get a 'no' reply.
Does it hurt?
They look baffled and say that they've never broken their arm, but they know it hurts.
Yes, it does. But until you've broken it - until you've had to deal with an aging parent with Alzheimer's - you really don't know, or even semi-understand, how devastating this disease is....

And, of course, that's never said to degrade them as I know they're sorry for my parent's decline - but until you've walked those steps in those shoes......

I wish you the best in providing for him and I pray for all those that suffer with it, peace and healing.
You're about to get a lesson - one of many - in patience - in love - in caring - and I know you'll do well, but also know, your pillow will get wet a lot from watching the one you love, decline.

God's speed... And, for the record, I cried while I wrote this....
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Old 08-11-2015, 04:50 AM
 
676 posts, read 784,829 times
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I pray a lot but I'm not sure HE hears me. I hope so. Old stories yes yes yes but 3 minutes ago don't remember. I wonder if this is a rapid disease if so how rapid ? Do you think I am right in going ahead and moving while I can to a warm place no snow and let him sit out and read and smoke his cigars until.............................then move him to a sunny place where he will have people he can talk to about old stories. Yes, I have had wet pillows and have thrown some fits at him but then remember he can't help it. Thank you and God Bless You. Will keep in touch
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