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Old 08-06-2015, 06:58 PM
 
427 posts, read 403,402 times
Reputation: 428

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I am a 23 year old man, and am at the nadir of my life (or, well, a little above it). I work a sub-minimum wage job, have no friends in my present area, live with my mom, and am often too depressed to do anything but sleep.

A year ago I graduated from my liberal arts college, magna *** laude. However, I really had no reason to be in college other than to escape the horrible situation I had at home (father's suicide, mother's resulting alcoholism and a relationship with a man I did not like). I've always been a social outcast, and it took me to my second year of college to make my first friend since I was an early teenager, and the friends I made there are still very dear to me. College was a very welcome vacation from reality, as the real world just sucks.

I had to move back home after college as I had no plan. In retrospect, I was in college because I wanted to get away from my high school peers and because of my shattered home life. Overall, I kept the same routine in college that I did in high school. I spent a lot of time on the Internet and did not participate in any organizations or make any effort to fit in or make sense of my existence. I have always hated the thought of living an inauthentic life and doing activities merely to pad my resume, and as I have never really believed in anything, I have never really done all that much.

When I got back, I quickly realized how hard it was to get a job, and I used that as an excuse to stay unemployed for a year. I mainly vegetated that year away, though I made many excursions to California, and spent way too much money. I eventually had no choice but to come home after spending several months vegetating again in the Bay Area, too depressed to venture out of my seedy hotel room. That was probably the exact nadir of my life.

After making the walk of shame back home, I immediately got my first job ever that was not work-study. I deliver pizza. As my father left a generous amount of money for me after dying when I was 17, I never really had to worry about money. I came back home with less than $300.

I realize that my cynical, passive aggressive, and noncommittal attitude has burned nearly every bridge in my life. I am also mentally ill for reasons beyond my control, and my resulting lack of self worth makes it extremely hard for me to trust or believe in myself. I sometimes feel too little confidence to even post a status update on Facebook.

I honestly just feel like dying most of the time. It's very hard not to hate your life when you are 23 years old and living with your mom in a cottage near the airport, with no career or friends, even though I now see two therapists and take a lot of medication. It just feels like there is no hope anymore.

Even though I have $1,300 it's very tempting not to just quit my job and drive away, and find another job, far away. Drive a semi-truck, work on an ocean liner, a resort in Mexico. I could use some adventure as there are few stimuli in my current life, and very little to lose... but I also don't want to have to come back home and be dead in the water again, burdening my family with my pity party again.

Nothing is working to truly help me, so I'm going to see if I can fish for any useful advice here on City-Data. Thanks.
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Old 08-06-2015, 07:21 PM
 
Location: TOVCCA
8,452 posts, read 12,283,162 times
Reputation: 12390
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cryinbaby View Post
I could use some adventure as there are few stimuli in my current life, and very little to lose... but I also don't want to have to come back home and be dead in the water again, burdening my family with my pity party again..
My friend who is also 23 joined the Peace Corps 2 years ago and went to Mongolia to teach English (not her degree. They don't care). She liked it and has stayed there after her term and now works for a company that teaches English to professionals. She earns enough to have her own apartment with plenty of money to spare.

The Peace Corps now allows you to choose where you want to go. Jamaica, maybe?

Peace Corps
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Old 08-06-2015, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
8,775 posts, read 5,028,078 times
Reputation: 22946
Why NOT take a risk and work on an ocean liner, or a resort in Mexico? What do you have to lose by taking a chance?

Those don't seem like impossible dreams to me; instead, they seem like options which might actually snap you out of the rut you've put yourself in. Depression's a nasty beast to battle, but vegetating in a place you really don't want to be only makes things worse. And it's not like the job you currently have is some special career track thing. You can always find another, similar job later should it become necessary.

Whatever cr*p happened to you in the past is in the past. You can't change it, so there's no use mulling over it. Turn you limited energies forward, and start seeking out the things you actually want. It's the only way you'll ever achieve them.
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Old 08-07-2015, 11:28 AM
 
10,892 posts, read 1,750,582 times
Reputation: 3310
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cryinbaby View Post
I am a 23 year old man, and am at the nadir of my life (or, well, a little above it). I work a sub-minimum wage job, have no friends in my present area, live with my mom, and am often too depressed to do anything but sleep.

A year ago I graduated from my liberal arts college, magna *** laude. However, I really had no reason to be in college other than to escape the horrible situation I had at home (father's suicide, mother's resulting alcoholism and a relationship with a man I did not like). I've always been a social outcast, and it took me to my second year of college to make my first friend since I was an early teenager, and the friends I made there are still very dear to me. College was a very welcome vacation from reality, as the real world just sucks.

I had to move back home after college as I had no plan. In retrospect, I was in college because I wanted to get away from my high school peers and because of my shattered home life. Overall, I kept the same routine in college that I did in high school. I spent a lot of time on the Internet and did not participate in any organizations or make any effort to fit in or make sense of my existence. I have always hated the thought of living an inauthentic life and doing activities merely to pad my resume, and as I have never really believed in anything, I have never really done all that much.

When I got back, I quickly realized how hard it was to get a job, and I used that as an excuse to stay unemployed for a year. I mainly vegetated that year away, though I made many excursions to California, and spent way too much money. I eventually had no choice but to come home after spending several months vegetating again in the Bay Area, too depressed to venture out of my seedy hotel room. That was probably the exact nadir of my life.

After making the walk of shame back home, I immediately got my first job ever that was not work-study. I deliver pizza. As my father left a generous amount of money for me after dying when I was 17, I never really had to worry about money. I came back home with less than $300.

I realize that my cynical, passive aggressive, and noncommittal attitude has burned nearly every bridge in my life. I am also mentally ill for reasons beyond my control, and my resulting lack of self worth makes it extremely hard for me to trust or believe in myself. I sometimes feel too little confidence to even post a status update on Facebook.

I honestly just feel like dying most of the time. It's very hard not to hate your life when you are 23 years old and living with your mom in a cottage near the airport, with no career or friends, even though I now see two therapists and take a lot of medication. It just feels like there is no hope anymore.

Even though I have $1,300 it's very tempting not to just quit my job and drive away, and find another job, far away. Drive a semi-truck, work on an ocean liner, a resort in Mexico. I could use some adventure as there are few stimuli in my current life, and very little to lose... but I also don't want to have to come back home and be dead in the water again, burdening my family with my pity party again.

Nothing is working to truly help me, so I'm going to see if I can fish for any useful advice here on City-Data. Thanks.
Hi -- I highlighted the parts where we're alike you and I. I'm not good for giving advice, but I just wanted to say that you're not alone and that I'm sure you'll find good advice here on CD and that I only wish you what I wish for everyone else -- peace and wellness, in mind and body.

Maybe I'll take another look later, to see how it goes.

I'm even too depressed to sleep, I hope you're not like that.
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Old 08-07-2015, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Sarasota, FL
2,657 posts, read 1,688,908 times
Reputation: 5071
If you are seeing two therapists and taking medication you should be getting more help than is suggested by your post. Certainly you should be getting more help than you're likely to get from people on line who don't know you, and are not trained therapists.
Maybe you need one good therapist? Or to work better with the ones you have?
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Old 08-07-2015, 12:01 PM
Status: "The stuff that rolls downhill, also sticks together." (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Nescopeck, Penna. (birthplace)
13,358 posts, read 8,239,436 times
Reputation: 17404
Get a stable, physical job -- doesn't have to pay too well, and should not, for now, involve dealing with a spoiled, fickle public. A warehouse with a seasonal Holiday rush is your best bet for the next couple of months.

If the demands of the job are fairly steep, that's good. As with the military, shared challenges lead to a common bond.

Rent a room (not an apartment, but a room) a stable home base you can use for a self-directed daily life that suits your basic needs; because for now, the only person who has to live with you is you. Just don't use it as an excuse to hide from real life.

Socialize in whatever manner suits your values. Everybody else has dissatisfactions (not the biggest ones -- just the compulsions and annoyances) within his/her personal life, and you'll do better understanding your own after you recognize theirs.

Get some exercise -- whatever's available; just so long as it gets you out of "the vegetable kingdom".

If you're attracted to a philosophy, a value system, a cause -- fine; look a little deeper, but don't go overboard. Ask yourself what attracts you, and why?

And when you find a serious obstacle, don't immediately go running to somebody else. Do a little research on your own. I don't think too many people lose their self-esteem in a scholarly environment.

A degree is never worthless; if nothing else, it's a sign that you can stick with something for four years. But the "education" industry is guilty of a huge scam; the redeeming feature in that scenario is that we're all in it together, and we will find something that works.

Just my two cents, and there's probably a lot more you can build upon.

(Age 23 was the worst year of my life too, FWIW).

Last edited by 2nd trick op; 08-07-2015 at 01:06 PM..
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