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Old 08-09-2015, 10:55 PM
 
519 posts, read 635,819 times
Reputation: 957

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I would not leave her--now is when she needs you the most. "In sickness and in health," right? You made a comittment to each other and you have 4 children together. You have shown a lot of courage so far and you've set an amazing example for your children by demonstrating what it means to love someone, even when they are broken.

You have a few paths you can take, none of which will be easy to walk. I wish I had an easy solution to give you, but I don't, and all I can say is I admire your strength and desire to help your wife. I'm not sure if most of us would have the strength.

Stay strong man.
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Old 08-09-2015, 11:01 PM
 
4,761 posts, read 11,822,368 times
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I would give you a "pass" on the "In sickness and in health" part!

Being "ridged" and sticking to ideals like that could make YOU sick and unable to take care of your kids. Best to do what is best for the kids and part of that is doing what is necessary to take care of yourself, however distasteful that may be.

Like I said above, sometimes you are darned if you do, darned if you don't.
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Old 08-10-2015, 06:32 AM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
8,769 posts, read 5,022,125 times
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Could the kids stay with relatives for a while? You might feel less stressed if you knew they were safe somewhere else while your wife is so unstable.
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Old 08-10-2015, 07:05 AM
 
1,022 posts, read 873,003 times
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Leaving the children unattended... sorry, the risk of what could happen outweighs your wife's mental problems. That alone should factor in what you need to do first and foremost: protect your kids.

I had a coworker who had a wife like yours, severe bipolar and all. She was wonderful and loving as long as she stays on her meds. When she refuses to take her meds, she is suicidal and leaves her young children at home alone for hours until he comes home, finding them hungry, thirsty and confused. There was one time she left the stove on and left the house, children again unattended to. Luckily he came home early that day and was able to turn off the stove. The thing that was damaged was a burned pot.

Your children must come first. Divorce her if you must, but she should not stay with them.
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Old 08-10-2015, 02:29 PM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,898,384 times
Reputation: 6681
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elk Wallow View Post
You are going to need a divorce and custody of your children. Move away so she doesn't know where you live. Unstable persons with that diagnosis can flip out and kill people. It happens all the time.
Well that's quite a leap.

Quote:
Originally Posted by coolcats View Post
I wish I could get her admitted longer term. I was disappointed when she was released after 9 days, because she clearly wasn't ready.

Right now she goes to an intensive outpatient program 3 days a week and we are meeting jointly with a therapist.

I definitely do have concerns. Some mornings I go in later than usual. Her parents live close by, so I have them come over or a couple neighbors. But it's not foolproof. The good news is, it is summer so the older kids are out of school and they are physically about as big as her.

Last night after I posted, she had a paranoid episode, where she asked if I was only using her to be a servant and accused me of being racist. Then she left to go be with her sister and felt suicidal because her sister was late. Of course today she is as high as a kite and says we have to spend all our time together because if she's away from me then she will have the suicidal thoughts again. Her doctors say it is a concern of course, but that she is often using that as a manipulation tool.

P.S. -- This morning she believes we will have 12 kids total. Our existing four, twin boys, twin girls, a twin boy and girl, a separate girl, and a separate boy.
If she is still in active psychosis take her back to the ER. That's grounds for admission.
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Old 08-27-2015, 02:20 PM
 
Location: PANAMA
1,424 posts, read 1,150,385 times
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Usually this type of bipolarity requires hospitalization of some sorts.

She's a time bomb ready to explote.
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Old 08-27-2015, 02:36 PM
 
1,158 posts, read 1,791,758 times
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Hi, I am a wife and I am bipolar 1. I went to three different hospitals for it, the last one while married. It is not easy being this way but it is not my fault, nor is it anyone's. I did not take meds between my second and third hospital stay because my former psychiatrist let me do that, so I ended up hospitalized again. I have to see nurses and psychiatrists on a constant basis on top of taking my meds. I've also been in and out of work, and people judge me all the time.

Go easy on your wife. I am surprised she only stayed nine days though. For me it was 6-8 weeks each time...
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Old 09-01-2015, 08:13 AM
 
1 posts, read 830 times
Reputation: 10
have Transcranial magnetic stimulation no drugs no side effects
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Old 09-01-2015, 08:22 AM
 
10,253 posts, read 18,145,519 times
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"In sickness and in health" does not mean that you have to allow yourself and your family be destroyed. You should not have any trouble getting custody of your kids due to your wife's well documented mental illness. My wife was nuts, and I bailed. I tried for five years, but it was destroying me. I was not going down with her. You owe it to yourself and your children to get out. The older ones know their mom is disturbed, and it is not healthy or right to force them to stay in that environment.
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Old 09-03-2015, 12:31 AM
 
6,035 posts, read 3,307,587 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coolcats View Post

Today, I came home and our kids (ages 13, 11, 4, and 2) had been alone most of the day while she was out. The house was a disaster.
As others have said, you have to take care of the children. ^ This continues and CPS (Child Protective Services) will come along and take your children away.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Zepheyr View Post
I would not leave her--now is when she needs you the most. "In sickness and in health," right? You made a comittment to each other and you have 4 children together.
Hmmmm....I think the commitment currently is protecting the children.
Children in danger negate the "in sickness and in health".
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