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Old 09-03-2015, 07:56 AM
 
11,176 posts, read 10,055,463 times
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OP I'm so sorry you're going through all of this emotional trauma. I know first-hand what it is like to be married to someone who is bipolar and it is extremely devastating for everyone concerned.

No one can tell you to 'get a divorce', only you can make that decision. You are obviously a very loving and caring man to want to do what's best.

You have feelings and needs, and you're having to put those on the back burner while trying to 'fix' this problem. You are focused on your wife's illness, and your children's well being, and after a while you lose your own identity. You ignore your own feelings and needs so much that it's the same as continually turning a light switch 'on' and 'off' because at some point your emotions will stay in the 'off; position.

Many patients can end up as guinea pigs trying to find the correct medication/dosage; and as you already know, they may not take meds as prescribed (because of the horrific side effects, or if they start to feel better they think they no longer need them).

My ex was in and out of psych hospitals so many times I lost count, they performed electric shock treatment over 20 times - all to no avail. We did not have children and the reason I divorced him was because he starting drinking, and when he mixed booze with the heavy-duty medications he became a loose canon and attacked me physically. . . so I literally 'ran for my life'.

I attended counseling during the marriage, and the main suggestion was: always be prepared to 'run' because you're living with a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality.
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Old 11-23-2015, 09:54 PM
 
58 posts, read 84,418 times
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Coolcats,

Let me be one to offer you a bit of hope. I've been married for about 17 years, and after our third child was born, my wife went completely psychotic. Between trying to walk down the street wearing nothing under her robe with plans to flash available men, harassing the neighbors over supposed "bullying" of our elementary school child, religious delusions, singing loudly in public as if she were an opera star, and theories that Obama was putting mind control drugs in suckers, she was pretty far gone. The next 6 years consisted of additional psychotic episodes, three weeks at a time in the mental hospital, depression, suicidal thoughts, months of recovery, periods of relative stability, then all the progress seemed to crash and burn and she would relapse. One thing we did was commit to trying to find the right medical treatment. She tried dozens of drug combinations and the side effects ranged from extreme weight gain to lethargy to lockjaw. We changed when a side effect became too much but kept trying.

However, about two years ago we found a doctor who helped diagnose a hormone imbalance. Basic birth control pills really helped her when combined with a mix of antipsycotics and mood stabilizers. Then recently the doctor gave her a new drug called deplin. Turns out her bipolar was worsened by an inability to synthesize folate, and deplin makes this happen. This turns on the neurotransmitters that her brain needs. She has now been very stable for over two years, and with the addition of deplin in recent months, her personality is back better than ever and she is able to lower the dosages of the other drugs. Deplin is like a wonder drug. She still has to use the coping skills she has learned over the last few years to avoid too much stress and "triggers", and her periods still cause bitchiness, but she is incredibly great again, for the first time in years. I considered pulling the plug many times on our marriage, but I am so grateful I didn't. She is a wonderful mom and wife now. She lost all of the weight that she gained because of the heavy drug side effects and she looks stunning. You wouldn't guess from looking at her that she put me and the kids through years of instability due to mental problems. Keep fighting for the right medical care, because it is possible to get these things under control, even though it doesn't feel that way for you now I'm sure. PM me if you want more details on specific meds and dosages, etc.

Last edited by arizona stallion; 11-23-2015 at 10:10 PM..
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Old 11-25-2015, 12:12 AM
 
Location: The Bubble
11 posts, read 5,453 times
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Coolcats, first I offer myheart felt sympathies and even an apology, if I may, on behalf of all the psychotic wives and mothers out there.
As for your wife, my heart aches for her; the only thing worse than being in your position, is being in hers. As a bipolar mother and divorcee, I can relate in a few ways. Based on your description of her symptoms, I'd suggest she be reevaluated; her symptoms sound more like schizoaffective disorder rather than bipolar I, however many of the symptoms are similar.

My first husband put up with a LOT. After our daughter was born I lost my mind, slowly and painfully. At one point I bought a new convertible, a HORSE, and cut off all my hair- before Brittany Spears was a household name. I became erratic, volatile, extremely emotional, paranoid, confused, and horny. BAD combo. I hurt a lot of people before finally coming to terms with my diagnosis. While on the mend, my childhood sweetheart and husband let go of us, he couldn't take it any longer. I was devestated at first, but eventually healed and bettered myself for it. I credit his decision, and all the supportive and honorable ones after, for much of my healing and growth. Though still hard at times, we work out parenting our daughter as friends and co-parents. I wouldn't do it over again for anything, but I'm grateful for who I am today. I pray your wife finds her end and turns herself around soon. My heart goes out to you and your family.
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