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Old 08-12-2015, 06:38 AM
 
1,110 posts, read 895,264 times
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I walked out of a job almost four years ago that I loved the job but my boss was a bully.

I was there over ten years and had turned the other cheek to the garbage she put all of us through. No one would go up against her because her Dad was the head of the Union at the time I started and up until about two years before I left and that's also when she became my boss. I always thought it was just office politics and needed that job.

I walked out after catching her and her asst. mocking me. I was a new person within two weeks of not having to deal with her BS and was looking forward to finding a new job and starting over. Then I found out the downright lie she was telling everyone as to why I quit and that sent me emotionally over the edge.

Through research, I found out it was workplace bullying. It wasn't just me, it was almost everyone in the office. Long story short, I was going for counseling and asked if I could have PTSD from it & was told no. I went to another counselor and was also told no, yet their counseling wasn't helping me to get out of the darkest hole I've ever been in my life.

I'm finally seeing a counselor that said what I went through at work definitely caused PTSD. I'm just starting to heal.

I wrote her a six page letter to let her know what a cruel person she is and people only put up with her crap because of her Dad. I listed the dirty underhanded tricks she pulled on me and other people and told her that I look forward to the day that Karma pays her back for the years of downright torturing the people around her for her sick need to constantly be humiliating people that are just trying to make a living. I made no threats of any kind in the letter, nor are there any lies in the letter.

I want to do this for all the years me and everyone else there kept their mouths shut and wouldn't go up against her. It's to get the garbage out of my mind and part of my healing process.

Can I get in any type of legal trouble for sending the letter? Have any of you done this and what was your experience?

Thank you in advance for your input.

 
Old 08-12-2015, 07:07 AM
 
16,719 posts, read 15,752,632 times
Reputation: 41268
Quote:
Originally Posted by cam1957 View Post
Thank you in advance for your input.
I don't know if you can get in legal trouble, but it can make you look like a jerk and your letter can be passed around to former coworkers and future employers. Everybody has bad bosses, but most of us don't go around blaming them for causing us PTSD. Do yourself a favor and keep talking to your counselor, and get over it.
 
Old 08-12-2015, 07:35 AM
 
1,022 posts, read 874,058 times
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I know how you feel. My last job did the same thing, except my boss was the bully. What is supposed to be an easy task always turns out to a complicated matter because we were all worried about what she thinks of it. Should I schedule her appointment at this restaurant that is 5 minutes away or the other one that she likes to go to? What if she got sick of pasta this week? Fyi, I was working for a law firm, not a personal assistant. Did we at least keep some bottles of water for her? Is 30 minutes long enough for a simple motion hearing? Too long? If you can't read her mind, you get yelled at. She also pits employees against one another by making fun of them behind their backs, subtle comments to spread rumours, checking your facebook and make smarky remarks that has nothing to do with her to you the next morning. Other employees feed off her personality and they too try to mimick her. Walking on egg shells was an understatement...

Nonetheless, I wouldn't categorize it as PTSD. I got a new job, loving my new job, and life goes on. PTSD is a disease that cripples you. Even with therapy, it's a struggle to live with the fear, the nightmares, the horrible visions and thoughts. My husband was a former marine. He went to Afghanistan years ago and he still struggles trying to live a normal life. Our dog had helped him significantly to keep him calm and focused.

The letter that you wrote will be read, mocked, laughed at, and shared by the person you are trying to forgive. Do not send the letter. Writing helps but to send it will serve no purpose but to further aggravate the situation. She cannot sue you for not liking her, but she can if you listed confidential information or character defamation that caused her to lose her job or other damages.

She is not thinking about you. Why are you still stuck about her?
 
Old 08-12-2015, 09:38 AM
 
4,761 posts, read 11,828,065 times
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A letter (or texting) is a written record!

You are safer calling on the phone or saying something verbally. Then you could later deny it if they claimed you threatened them or said something else which was illegal.

If you must send a letter, I would recommend letting a lawyer read it first, then if there is anything you can get in trouble for, he/she would point that out and you could edit it.

Better yet would be to discuss what your previous boss did to you with a lawyer, then have the lawyer write a letter to HER boss pointing out this inappropriate behavior. It would NOT look good for her boss to receive such a letter and even worse coming from a lawyer! That could get her into some very hot water.
 
Old 08-12-2015, 12:57 PM
 
1,110 posts, read 895,264 times
Reputation: 2290
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
I don't know if you can get in legal trouble, but it can make you look like a jerk and your letter can be passed around to former coworkers and future employers. Everybody has bad bosses, but most of us don't go around blaming them for causing us PTSD. Do yourself a favor and keep talking to your counselor, and get over it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheesenugget View Post
I know how you feel. My last job did the same thing, except my boss was the bully. What is supposed to be an easy task always turns out to a complicated matter because we were all worried about what she thinks of it. Should I schedule her appointment at this restaurant that is 5 minutes away or the other one that she likes to go to? What if she got sick of pasta this week? Fyi, I was working for a law firm, not a personal assistant. Did we at least keep some bottles of water for her? Is 30 minutes long enough for a simple motion hearing? Too long? If you can't read her mind, you get yelled at. She also pits employees against one another by making fun of them behind their backs, subtle comments to spread rumours, checking your facebook and make smarky remarks that has nothing to do with her to you the next morning. Other employees feed off her personality and they too try to mimick her. Walking on egg shells was an understatement...

Nonetheless, I wouldn't categorize it as PTSD. I got a new job, loving my new job, and life goes on. PTSD is a disease that cripples you. Even with therapy, it's a struggle to live with the fear, the nightmares, the horrible visions and thoughts. My husband was a former marine. He went to Afghanistan years ago and he still struggles trying to live a normal life. Our dog had helped him significantly to keep him calm and focused.

The letter that you wrote will be read, mocked, laughed at, and shared by the person you are trying to forgive. Do not send the letter. Writing helps but to send it will serve no purpose but to further aggravate the situation. She cannot sue you for not liking her, but she can if you listed confidential information or character defamation that caused her to lose her job or other damages.

She is not thinking about you. Why are you still stuck about her?
Thank you both for your insightful advice. I think I'll take it and not send the letter.
You're both right, the letter won't have any impact. I'll just wait for Karma

I shared too much information. I just should have asked the question and left it at that without any explanation.

I was diagnosed in February with PTSD by my M.D. after I was taken by ambulance from a Med-Xpress to the ER and it did cripple me for 3 years. I tried to get help from counselors that obviously don't keep up with their continuing education in their field. I'm one of those people that have had a lot of trauma in my life, but I've always been able to cope. I'm 58 and I have had bad bosses. I've been a boss 4 times in my life and never treated any of my employees with anything but respect. The place I go to specializes in PTSD. Although something else sent me there, they treated me for workplace bullying first because it was disabling. For all the crap I've been through in life, I've never blamed anyone except this time and I don't consider myself a victim either.

And since your husband has PTSD, that should answer your question as to why I'm still thinking about it. I'm in counseling and healing from it and will learn to keep the triggers under control.

PTSD isn't just for the military or victims of tragedies like 911. If you're that interested or doubt me you can check out the Workplace Bullying Institue. The founder's wife was a Psychologist that was bullied to the point of PTSD. It happens.
 
Old 08-12-2015, 01:12 PM
 
1,110 posts, read 895,264 times
Reputation: 2290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy_J View Post
A letter (or texting) is a written record!

You are safer calling on the phone or saying something verbally. Then you could later deny it if they claimed you threatened them or said something else which was illegal.

If you must send a letter, I would recommend letting a lawyer read it first, then if there is anything you can get in trouble for, he/she would point that out and you could edit it.

Better yet would be to discuss what your previous boss did to you with a lawyer, then have the lawyer write a letter to HER boss pointing out this inappropriate behavior. It would NOT look good for her boss to receive such a letter and even worse coming from a lawyer! That could get her into some very hot water.

Thank you for answering and I'm not going to send the letter. I'm just going to let it go.

I did send a letter to the Board of Trustees of the Union when I found out she lied as to why I quit.
I contacted at least ten lawyers for defamation of character, but it's a Labor Union and they wouldn't touch it.

Her boss ended up leaving the Union for a higher position in another state and I honestly think he just didn't want to deal with her either because all of the members on the Board are all friends with her Daddy. He was too honest for them and not into the political BS that goes on in Unions. He cared more about the workers than playing "scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."

I did call Immigration and report that they lied to keep a Ukranian citizen here that pretty much treated Americans like dirt though. She was hired because of a political favor. They lied to immigration and said she was here doing a job that an American couldn't do, which was a crock of BS.

You reap what you sow in life and I just hope I'm around when Karma slaps her hard.

I appreciate you taking the time to answer and offer suggestions!
 
Old 08-12-2015, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
2,056 posts, read 2,097,853 times
Reputation: 3534
We've all had people we didn't like working for, or with. My best advice, from a person who has changed jobs many, many times in his career, is to just let it go from your last day on into the rest of your life.

Bygones be bygones. here's to your future success and happiness!
 
Old 08-12-2015, 04:09 PM
 
12,120 posts, read 29,510,910 times
Reputation: 3810
i worked (and still work with him) a guy who was a total bully and bullied me mercilessly. one day in 2011 his e mails were accidentally forwarded to me by the receptionist. i forwarded his e mails back to him telling me they were sent to me in error and there they were for him. the "thanks" i got was that he first tells me to pleasepay attention to the confidentiality rule not please to send out e mails that were sent to me and then he e mails me "the best test of a true gentleman is somebody who remains calm in the face of somebody who does him absolutely no good". i guess that was his way of telling me "I respect you for not standing up to me".

a few months later my mom passed away. he actually gave me his sympathies and told me he heard that i had to do a lot of travelling long distance to take care of my mom. he never bullied me again after that. in fact i just heard his mother was dying and that he is now in the same situation i was in with a mother dying long distance

go figure

my point is when a bully sees youre not going to play into him (her) they might just forget playing games with you
 
Old 08-12-2015, 04:38 PM
 
11,034 posts, read 10,177,437 times
Reputation: 14278
No real point, I think.

First of all, she won't read a six page letter.

Second, it will make you look like a weak, petty person holding a grudge.

Third, even if you wrote a shorter letter, she'd just shrug it off.

If you really want to do something useful, you could reach out to any friends you might have there, talk to them, and if they want to file a complaint, offer your support.
 
Old 08-12-2015, 05:19 PM
 
1,110 posts, read 895,264 times
Reputation: 2290
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashpelham View Post
We've all had people we didn't like working for, or with. My best advice, from a person who has changed jobs many, many times in his career, is to just let it go from your last day on into the rest of your life.

Bygones be bygones. here's to your future success and happiness!
Thank you! I tried to rep you but must have on something else.
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