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Old 09-30-2015, 10:30 AM
 
44 posts, read 30,765 times
Reputation: 28

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I'm a chick but I identify as male. FtM.

I went to the VA (I'm a veteran) and they approved me for HRT. That is supposed to be the hard part. Turns out the estimate for service was 4 months (in reality more than that). The consult expires in 3 months. So basically they're ignoring the 30-day rule so they can pretend they helped me. On paper they supported my decision. In reality they never had any intention of administering HRT.

So I called the Patient Advocate. I didn't get a single answer in an hour and a half and 4 extensions. Just voicemails. No big deal, really. The Patient Advocate is notoriously useless. They are just a middle man. Their job is to report complaints. They don't have power of enforcement, so almost all of those reports get dismissed as old men grumbling

So I called mental health and eventually I spoke to a supervisor. She claimed to have taken a message and sent email to various entities. That was 3 days ago and I haven't heard back, so I'm thinking she either didn't really send the message, or it was received and deleted like everything else concerning patient care in the VA.

So I said fine I'll go private. I called around to some local psych offices and left my info (basically requesting a rundown of services and prices, with emphasis on already being approved). This was also 3 days ago. I haven't heard back from a single private psych, either. I told them I have money, which I do, but there's too big a liability with prescribing a sex change. Tuns out they're just enabling a delusion and no one allows it because they don't want to get sued when the person changes their mind.

The answer is obvious. My problem aren't real. I probably need counseling for some other mental problem. Clearly I'm delusional and a compulsive liar. If transgenderism was valid and not a mental illness the private psychs would be eager to take my money and extort me with ineffective drugs.

My question is this: what can I do and how can I change my personality? We know aversion therapy doesn't work and I don't have access to psych meds. I'm looking for an alternative to being trans. The media makes it look acceptable and almost normal, but the reality is no one cares. What I think are needs are just superficial wants. At the moment I just want to be a normal ordinary (and straight) woman.

How does one embrace one's birth sex? Why is it other women make it look so effortless and I have to struggle? These are the things I have to change. I accept that I was born female. I'm never going to have a Y chromosome or a penis, so anything I do and say is pretending. I need to learn how to be proper hyper feminine woman. Any advice in this regard is appreciated.
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Old 09-30-2015, 11:36 AM
 
44 posts, read 30,765 times
Reputation: 28
Just an update: I attempted to speak to several different supervisors in different mental health units and I only reached their voicemails. I didn't have messages because no one is obligated to respond. I thought I could make an appointment for an antidepressant or something, but I would have to go through my primary and get a consult. So several months for that. There's a walk-in clinic where we should be able to see someone same day, but when I called them they refused to schedule anything. It would appear I've been blackballed from all forms of mental health treatment at the VA because they decided to approve me for hormones. If it's on paper it's assumed to be settled.

So new question: suicide or not? Okay the answer is obviously yes. But really. Mental health treatment isn't an option, hormones aren't worth the trouble, and I have serious mental and emotional disabilities. I don't have family anymore since I jumped the gun and told everyone when I was approved. Now it's too late to take it back. I have virtually no other options available to me (including private clinicians) so I'm thinking suicide is a viable solution.
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Old 09-30-2015, 11:41 AM
 
44 posts, read 30,765 times
Reputation: 28
No one is reading this. There's a surprise. Like I've said--it isn't real. Being transgender depends on validation from others. If no one acknowledges it can't be real. I'm just delusional. Head cases don't need help--they aren't welcome in society. Check and point taken.
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Old 09-30-2015, 11:52 AM
 
2,382 posts, read 4,709,515 times
Reputation: 3432
I'm sorry you are going thru something so difficult. I think the lack of replies are because it's mid morning on a workday and well, generally people don't post a reply on subjects they don't have any experience in.

I know that the military medical system can be really difficult to navigate esp when you are female and seeking services for a really personal, emotionally charged issue (in my case, I was pursuing fertility treatment)

In my experience, if you are seeking something outside the normal scope of their care - yes, it can take a really long time. Generally, you just call up and request an extension on the referral.

What sort of mental help care are you getting now? Have you attempted to look for a local support group?
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Old 09-30-2015, 12:55 PM
 
44 posts, read 30,765 times
Reputation: 28
I don't have access to mental health services. I thought I explained that. I need serious medications, and possibly a stay at an in patient facility. But I'm not good enough. I tried private practice and they rejected me the same way the VA did. I also explained that. Reading helps and you obviously only skimmed it. Thank you for confirming my suspicion that my problems are all fake.
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Old 09-30-2015, 02:39 PM
 
Location: TOVCCA
8,452 posts, read 12,276,711 times
Reputation: 12390
Have you considered trekking up to or at least talking to the San Francisco VA? They might be more understanding.
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Old 09-30-2015, 03:38 PM
 
3,763 posts, read 11,065,205 times
Reputation: 6762
OP - I have no experience with Trans, so I can't understand what you're going through.

I will say that there are many ways to be a woman, and "hyperfeminine" isn't the only option. But Trans is much more than that, so I'm not 100% sure why you're conflating the two.

I am a woman. I'm also a scientist, a daughter, a mortgage-holder. I'm also not particularly feminine and 100% straight. I'm sure there are those who have judged me for not dressing up and prancing about like Jessica Rabbit, but not my problem - theirs.

I am truly sorry that you're having such a hard time getting the help you feel you need. If you continue to have thoughts of suicide - please call a suicide help line. Really, a bunch of anonymous people on the internet are not qualified to help you, even if some think they are.

Lifeline

800-273-8255

best of luck to you, I hope you're able to get the assistance you need.
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Old 09-30-2015, 06:42 PM
 
44 posts, read 30,765 times
Reputation: 28
So there isn't an answer. Makes enough sense.

I really wanted an alternative but oh well. God hates ****.
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Old 09-30-2015, 06:47 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 6,067,310 times
Reputation: 11945
There is an answer Justcurious

Its called

Forging Your Own Path

Good luck.
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Old 09-30-2015, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 9,012,846 times
Reputation: 1701
Maybe I'm just too much of a KISS fan but isn't it possible for you to act like yourself? I have a niece who is very manly looking (lesbian) and over 6 ft tall. She is just her and we lover her for it. What surprised me most is that at her wedding she decided to wear a dress. I've never seen her in a dress.. I just figured she'd wear a tux! Anyway, she embraces that she identifies with a lot of male traits yet is female.

Are you struggling with a societal bias or truly want a sex change?
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