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Old 10-15-2015, 07:28 AM
 
Location: MA
1,622 posts, read 1,421,762 times
Reputation: 3018

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My SO has a mom who has BPD and my SO started in counseling about a year ago regarding it. He has gotten so much better understanding and setting limits when it comes to his mother, but, she will still sneak the most stupid inane things in whenever she can Last night we had both just gotten home from separate things at about 11 PM and his mother called and he normally wouldn't pick up at that hour especially after already talking to her that day, but, he did. She asked him if he was having a happy life which he said yes and then she hung up on him....... Thank goodness for counseling so he can just realize why she is doing nutty things like this.....
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Old 10-15-2015, 08:10 AM
 
Location: South Wales, United Kingdom
4,436 posts, read 2,767,867 times
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Sounds a bit like my mother. I recently told her that we want to move away, from the area we are in at the moment (near where she lives) to an area 100 miles away. We want to be able to give my daughter a better quality of life and better education.

Anyway, her reply was "What do you want to move there for?! What on Earth is in <the area we want to move to>?!". She just can't be happy for us. And she seems to be getting worse with age, I'm afraid.
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Old 10-15-2015, 08:19 AM
 
4,725 posts, read 4,665,912 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Star10101 View Post
Sounds a bit like my mother. I recently told her that we want to move away, from the area we are in at the moment (near where she lives) to an area 100 miles away. We want to be able to give my daughter a better quality of life and better education.

Anyway, her reply was "What do you want to move there for?! What on Earth is in <the area we want to move to>?!". She just can't be happy for us. And she seems to be getting worse with age, I'm afraid.
Your mom is probably afraid of losing you. Instead of saying that she will miss you being near she is being contrary. Discuss it with her. As to the OP, BPD is hard to deal with. I am glad your husband is learning to cope, and I am also glad he answered the phone. It was not important, but one day it may be and if he doesn't answer, he will feel guilty.
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Old 10-15-2015, 08:46 AM
 
10,194 posts, read 7,663,789 times
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It sounds like your SO is making lots of progress! It takes a long time to deprogram a life time of mental abuse. But it sounds like he is doing good work
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Old 10-15-2015, 09:17 AM
 
4,787 posts, read 9,844,564 times
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OP- Your SO is making progress, good for him . What you two might want to so now is to screen calls- let them go to voicemail.
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Old 10-15-2015, 09:26 AM
 
Location: South Wales, United Kingdom
4,436 posts, read 2,767,867 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgianbelle View Post
Your mom is probably afraid of losing you. Instead of saying that she will miss you being near she is being contrary. Discuss it with her. As to the OP, BPD is hard to deal with. I am glad your husband is learning to cope, and I am also glad he answered the phone. It was not important, but one day it may be and if he doesn't answer, he will feel guilty.
No, she's not going to miss me as we have never really got on and she makes snidey remarks to me. I think she will miss making a fuss over my daughter and the attention she gets back from her.

But the thing that is p*ssing me off at the moment is that she's putting ideas into my daughter's head about NOT moving and I do not like this behaviour.
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Old 10-15-2015, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
12,175 posts, read 21,572,260 times
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I would post this in the Mental Health forum as you'll likely get more relevant answers.
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Old 10-15-2015, 09:57 AM
 
Location: South Florida
784 posts, read 1,258,038 times
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I agree with the voicemail suggestion. It's not just a good way to show limits to them, but also a good way to feel you've gained back some control. Also, usually those calls are placed when the caller is not in the best state to actually talk about whatever is on their mind so it's pointless to respond to them.

What a random call though! It kind of reminds me of that announcement they used to make on TV: It's ten o'clock, do you know where your children are?" In this case it would be "It's eleven o'clock, are your children leading happy life?"
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Old 10-15-2015, 10:03 AM
 
Location: MA
1,622 posts, read 1,421,762 times
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Originally Posted by Dragonmam View Post
I agree with the voicemail suggestion. It's not just a good way to show limits to them, but also a good way to feel you've gained back some control. Also, usually those calls are placed when the caller is not in the best state to actually talk about whatever is on their mind so it's pointless to respond to them.

What a random call though! It kind of reminds me of that announcement they used to make on TV: It's ten o'clock, do you know where your children are?" In this case it would be "It's eleven o'clock, are your children leading happy life?"
Most do go to VM in fact she may leave ten or eleven daily
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Old 10-15-2015, 11:31 AM
 
4,844 posts, read 5,155,035 times
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There is absolutely nothing minor about Borderline Personality Disorder.
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