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I'm suffocating with my wife's bipolar (Type I) and delusions. She had a manic episode with psychosis about 6 weeks ago. She was hospitalized for 9 days. She now goes to an intensive outpatient program on the weekdays. But she's not getting better. Now she has an ongoing delusion that she is pregnant with twins, despite 4 negative pregnancy tests, and a trip to the ER last week because she was having a "miscarriage".
What's really scary is I have no idea what to expect at any given moment. She could be manic, which has its own problems, or depressed contemplating suicide.
Yesterday, she went from being on top of the world, to looking up methods of suicide, to being on top of the world in one day. The day before was the same. She admitted she was feeling so lonely she flirted with a younger man in the morning and was tempted to kiss him (and who knows what else), but then felt better and said I was the only one in the whole world for her. Today she is on top of the world and went on another spending spree and bought maternity clothes. She refuses to even consider the possibility she is not pregnant.
Today, I came home and our kids (ages 13, 11, 4, and 2) had been alone most of the day while she was out. The house was a disaster.
I met with her doctor again this week about possibly changing the three types of meds she is on. He's doing blood tests to see what's advisable. In the meantime, I feel like I'm a parent to an impulsive 12-year-old who doesn't take responsibility for anything. She told me the other day that if we ever split up, she would kill herself.
I can't live with that burden, but obviously can't and don't want a divorce to happen. Plus what would happen to our kids? There is no way she could take care of them safely, but I don't know if the courts would adequately recognize that. I just want her to get better, but it's not happening. I don't know if it ever will.
Before she was hospitalized in June, she had a 9 years of relative stability, where she was on effective meds. But when things are off it is scary. In 2006, she was hospitalized because she became psychotic and believed she was Jesus and needed to die to save the world. Due to some stresses this spring, and probably because of her med losing effectiveness, things came back as bad or worse than ever.
I honestly don't know what to do. I can tough it out for 6 months or a year. But something has to change. If it's longer than that, I don't think I can.
Unfortunately psychiatric residential hospitals are a thing of the past and now people who need such hospitals have no option but to be immersed in society where they make life unpleasant and dangerous for others.
But lets's try to nip this in the bud. Does she have some hobbies that she's passionate about? If so, perhaps you could supply her with the resources to indulge in her hobbies and that can keep her at peace.
I say this because I am just like your wife, although without the phantom pregnancies and Jesus delusions, but I have bipolar II and I had trouble taking care of our children. After a ten year marriage ended in divorce, my ex husband has full custody of our children.
Regarding the hobbies, if medical insurance would provide me with lifetime membership at yoga studios and an aerial silk, I would be right as rain and never a problem to anyone, only joy.
My first thoughts when reading your post were...can you afford a nanny to keep the children well? Even if your wife is home, maybe the nanny can be hardy enough to tolerate and guide and help her too. Perhaps an in-home nurse who can double as a nanny.
OP, have you thought of connecting with NAMI or some group like that? Or even counseling? You may need to get help for yourself just to cope with and sort out living life with someone who has a severe brain illness.
I feel your pain. I went through the same thing for several years. My then wife was in and out of psych wards in three or more different hospitals, took several different medications, went through a couple of courses of electro-shock therapy, saw psychiatrists and psychologists and therapists, spent some time in the State Mental Hospital, etc.
Nothing worked.
Finally, when her illness had destroyed any feeling I ever had for her, I left and moved on. due to the prevailing attitude in the courts, I left the kids with her, hoping they would be a stabilizing influence. That didn't work, either. Within a couple years, they were living with me full time.
Eventually, she developed diabetes, didn't take proper care of herself, went into a diabetic coma and died.
I wish I could give you a more positive prognosis, but I can only tell it the way it happened. IMO, your best bet is to take care of yourself and your kids. It is especially important to take care of those children. Let them know it is NOT their fault that Mother is the way she is. It is a problem in her brain that nobody can control. DO NOT allow them to blame themselves or you!
Good luck.
You are going to need a divorce and custody of your children. Move away so she doesn't know where you live. Unstable persons with that diagnosis can flip out and kill people. It happens all the time.
OP, have you thought of connecting with NAMI or some group like that? Or even counseling? You may need to get help for yourself just to cope with and sort out living life with someone who has a severe brain illness.
I definitely do need to go to NAMI. I've gone before and it was good. Right now with the crisis situation it's hard to find any time, but I need to. We are going to marriage counseling, but really it devolves into discussing her issues and coming up with plans to make sure she's ok. I might ask the counselor if I can have a one on one session sometime, because there are things I just can't say with my wife there.
You are going to need a divorce and custody of your children. Move away so she doesn't know where you live. Unstable persons with that diagnosis can flip out and kill people. It happens all the time.
This sounds like the best choice to me. Nobody ever said life was easy - sometimes we need to make impossible decisions - darned if you do, darned if you don't!
Anyway just make the best decision you can under the circumstances and part of that is making sure your health (mental and physical) stays fit. You will not be any good for the kids if you have a mental breakdown due to all this stress, and you are under a LOT OF IT!
The "Stress-O-Meter" is pegged way off the scale on this one!
Can you get her admitted into a care facility until she is stabilized? I know a situation where the husband allowed his unstable wife to be alone with the children and a tragedy occured. The Mom put a 2 year old & a 4 year old in a closet and ignited something and threw it in the closet. The baby died and the other girl (now 15) has burn scars on major sections of her body. To add even more tragedy, the woman is in prison now with a life sentance so in the end she is kept away from the other 2 kids. The Dad (who does work for me) knew his wife was unstable but felt he still had to go out daily and work his job. Its been a long journey for this family with more suffering than if the husband had taken the kids and removed them from her care.
Can you get her admitted into a care facility until she is stabilized? I know a situation where the husband allowed his unstable wife to be alone with the children and a tragedy occured. The Mom put a 2 year old & a 4 year old in a closet and ignited something and threw it in the closet. The baby died and the other girl (now 15) has burn scars on major sections of her body. To add even more tragedy, the woman is in prison now with a life sentance so in the end she is kept away from the other 2 kids. The Dad (who does work for me) knew his wife was unstable but felt he still had to go out daily and work his job. Its been a long journey for this family with more suffering than if the husband had taken the kids and removed them from her care.
I wish I could get her admitted longer term. I was disappointed when she was released after 9 days, because she clearly wasn't ready.
Right now she goes to an intensive outpatient program 3 days a week and we are meeting jointly with a therapist.
I definitely do have concerns. Some mornings I go in later than usual. Her parents live close by, so I have them come over or a couple neighbors. But it's not foolproof. The good news is, it is summer so the older kids are out of school and they are physically about as big as her.
Last night after I posted, she had a paranoid episode, where she asked if I was only using her to be a servant and accused me of being racist. Then she left to go be with her sister and felt suicidal because her sister was late. Of course today she is as high as a kite and says we have to spend all our time together because if she's away from me then she will have the suicidal thoughts again. Her doctors say it is a concern of course, but that she is often using that as a manipulation tool.
P.S. -- This morning she believes we will have 12 kids total. Our existing four, twin boys, twin girls, a twin boy and girl, a separate girl, and a separate boy.
Last edited by coolcats; 08-08-2015 at 11:49 AM..
Reason: Addition
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