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Old 11-16-2015, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,904 posts, read 1,401,322 times
Reputation: 3122

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
You are obsessed over this because he basically abandoned you. I'm guessing you probable have some abandonment issues from your childhood.
Nope, nobody abandonned me.

I had overprotective/strict parents who were far more present than needed although quite withdrawn emotionally.
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Old 11-16-2015, 02:47 PM
 
Location: In the bee-loud glade
4,416 posts, read 2,084,270 times
Reputation: 9017
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
Please, don't make fun of my post or my position because this is a serious question. I wish I weren't feeling this way, but I unfortunately do.


I dated someone rather briefly almost three/two years ago. We "dumped" me by basically ghosting because I was not ready to go as fast as he wanted us two.

I have since moved countries about four times, met new people, found myself a bit more but despite the exciting appearences, I've been thinking of him daily for the past two years. We haven't spoken since he ghosted and I later removed any social media presence I ever had. At this stage, I'm purely a ghost.

The problem is that I reactivated my Facebook after two years and although his profile reads "single", it's crystal clear he's been dating someone. He told me he hated redheads now he's dating one. He seems to be very much into her.

Even though I don't check his Facebook daily, picturing him with her kills me. I literally feel physically sick/nauseous at the thought of him giving her the attention and affection he never gave me. Tears start rolling whenever I see a picture, followed by nausea (for real) and an anxiety attack (really). I can barely breathe.

I have never reacted so strongly to one of my exes dating someone new. I usually don't care because by the time we parted ways, I had already moved on. I never cared about their lives after me. For this one, it is different. I have met plenty of guys since him but nothing panned out. Strong attractions which made me forget about him for a couple of months but none of them lead to anything.

I don't know why I get a physical reaction to an ex dating or liking someone new. This is rather extreme. I've already undergone therapy and I'm always out, having fun, but when I get home at night, it's a different story.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I won't try to diagnose you, but your thoughts about this man after this amount of time are bothering you, and that's a good enough reason to talk to someone (a therapist) about it.
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Old 11-16-2015, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,904 posts, read 1,401,322 times
Reputation: 3122
I was not asking for a diagnosis

As I said, I'm seeing a therapist, so this is already something I'm working on.

I opened this thread to know if some of you have already experienced something similar. If yes, how did you overcome it?
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Old 11-16-2015, 02:54 PM
 
35,107 posts, read 42,709,542 times
Reputation: 62211
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
Please, don't make fun of my post or my position because this is a serious question. I wish I weren't feeling this way, but I unfortunately do.


I dated someone rather briefly almost three/two years ago. We "dumped" me by basically ghosting because I was not ready to go as fast as he wanted us two.

I have since moved countries about four times, met new people, found myself a bit more but despite the exciting appearences, I've been thinking of him daily for the past two years. We haven't spoken since he ghosted and I later removed any social media presence I ever had. At this stage, I'm purely a ghost.

The problem is that I reactivated my Facebook after two years and although his profile reads "single", it's crystal clear he's been dating someone. He told me he hated redheads now he's dating one. He seems to be very much into her.

Even though I don't check his Facebook daily, picturing him with her kills me. I literally feel physically sick/nauseous at the thought of him giving her the attention and affection he never gave me. Tears start rolling whenever I see a picture, followed by nausea (for real) and an anxiety attack (really). I can barely breathe.

I have never reacted so strongly to one of my exes dating someone new. I usually don't care because by the time we parted ways, I had already moved on. I never cared about their lives after me. For this one, it is different. I have met plenty of guys since him but nothing panned out. Strong attractions which made me forget about him for a couple of months but none of them lead to anything.

I don't know why I get a physical reaction to an ex dating or liking someone new. This is rather extreme. I've already undergone therapy and I'm always out, having fun, but when I get home at night, it's a different story.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
You are causing your own issues, seek professional help very soon.
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Old 11-16-2015, 02:56 PM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,904 posts, read 1,401,322 times
Reputation: 3122
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
You are causing your own issues, seek professional help very soon.
I don't understand why you are all telling me to seek professional help when I clearly stated that I am undergoing therapy already?!
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Old 11-16-2015, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,470 posts, read 46,735,666 times
Reputation: 94872
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
I don't understand why you are all telling me to seek professional help when I clearly stated that I am undergoing therapy already?!
Because of this answer when I asked if you had talked to a therapist about it??

Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
No! Not about him! I wouldn't spend a dime on his sorry butt.
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Old 11-16-2015, 03:01 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,847,079 times
Reputation: 8538
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
Nope, nobody abandonned me.

I had overprotective/strict parents who were far more present than needed although quite withdrawn emotionally.
Withdrawn emotionally = emotional abandonment.

I'm also guessing this is the first guy who disappeared on you and that, other than this, you have always been the one to decide not to continue things.
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Old 11-16-2015, 03:03 PM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,904 posts, read 1,401,322 times
Reputation: 3122
Yeah, I have been goig to therapy, we talked about him but I didn't go to therapy specifically for this matter. It's not worth spending 100$ per session.
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Old 11-16-2015, 03:03 PM
 
4,380 posts, read 3,815,818 times
Reputation: 4395
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
I don't understand why you are all telling me to seek professional help when I clearly stated that I am undergoing therapy already?!
Because people on this board tend to not actually read all (or any) of the responses before chiming in. You will probably have at least 5 more people read your first post and tell you to get help.

It sounds to me like you didn't have closure from this relationship. It sounds like he didn't formally break up with you, and I would suspect that is why you can't move forward. The relationship ended for him when he "ghosted" and while part of your brain eventually figured out "okay, that's over," your heart didn't get the memo because you needed a more solid ending.

Unfortunately, there is no easy solution. You are doing everything "right" from the sounds of it, but I think perhaps you need to ask your therapist pointedly how to move forward EMOTIONALLY from a relationship that lacked closure because just responding PHYSICALLY which is what you are doing by staying busy, moving around, etc is not helping.
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Old 11-16-2015, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,904 posts, read 1,401,322 times
Reputation: 3122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Withdrawn emotionally = emotional abandonment.

I'm also guessing this is the first guy who disappeared on you and that, other than this, you have always been the one to decide not to continue things.
No, I had other guys who disappeared on me like that. I never cared much, I kept moving on.
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