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Old 11-16-2015, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,283 posts, read 1,336,853 times
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You are an ideal candidate for meditation. Have you ever tried it? It can help discipline your thought patterns and is calming too. And of course, continue your therapy. Good luck!
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Old 11-16-2015, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,904 posts, read 1,401,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
You are an ideal candidate for meditation. Have you ever tried it? It can help discipline your thought patterns and is calming too. And of course, continue your therapy. Good luck!
Yep, I'm very spiritual and have an interest in hollistic practices, so I practice meditation daily on top of ayurverdic remedies and Hoʻoponopono. They work great! I'm a very calm person to begin with. I control my emotions rather well, but sometimes anxiety gets the best of me.
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Old 11-16-2015, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,754 posts, read 4,165,397 times
Reputation: 4619
Default Did something traumatic happen to you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
Please, don't make fun of my post or my position because this is a serious question. I wish I weren't feeling this way, but I unfortunately do.


I dated someone rather briefly almost three/two years ago. We "dumped" me by basically ghosting because I was not ready to go as fast as he wanted us two.

I have since moved countries about four times, met new people, found myself a bit more but despite the exciting appearences, I've been thinking of him daily for the past two years. We haven't spoken since he ghosted and I later removed any social media presence I ever had. At this stage, I'm purely a ghost.

The problem is that I reactivated my Facebook after two years and although his profile reads "single", it's crystal clear he's been dating someone. He told me he hated redheads now he's dating one. He seems to be very much into her.

Even though I don't check his Facebook daily, picturing him with her kills me. I literally feel physically sick/nauseous at the thought of him giving her the attention and affection he never gave me. Tears start rolling whenever I see a picture, followed by nausea (for real) and an anxiety attack (really). I can barely breathe.

I have never reacted so strongly to one of my exes dating someone new. I usually don't care because by the time we parted ways, I had already moved on. I never cared about their lives after me. For this one, it is different. I have met plenty of guys since him but nothing panned out. Strong attractions which made me forget about him for a couple of months but none of them lead to anything.

I don't know why I get a physical reaction to an ex dating or liking someone new. This is rather extreme. I've already undergone therapy and I'm always out, having fun, but when I get home at night, it's a different story.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Some people just get under your skin. I only have 1 ex I actually every think about. It could be the one that got a way syndrome or because he dumped you. You are likely making him more special then he is and have unresolved issues regarding why he dumped you. Been there... find someone else. People say I do not or do like stuff... but change their minds all the time. It use to drive me nuts when this ex use to casually mention he found someone attractive that looked 100% nothing like me. There are so many other people in the world... he is not likely as import or special to you as you have made him to be in your mind.
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Old 11-16-2015, 05:02 PM
 
1,614 posts, read 1,006,993 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
You need to go back to get at the root of your anxiety.

As I recall, this isn't the only thread you've had about your anxious feelings.
I agree. The GUY is not what this is about --- it has to be deeper.
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Old 11-16-2015, 05:32 PM
 
282 posts, read 179,494 times
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LOL. FB ruins lives. Why did you even went back to FB then? Or searched for him then now you have this stupid problem.

I can relate though. I searched my lifetime crush yes LITERALLY. Since we were both 10. I was still single then, it hurts like a biatch OMG, seeing him and his wife and kids which I actually am a bit relieved he got fugly and his wife is fugly too. But it really stings like hell. Knowing he has a life WITHOUT ME!!!!! That can't be!! But alas, that is the harsh reality.

I searched for him again when I got married it still hurts actually just recently while I was looking at his FB page I was cussing at him - why not me? Why are you not with me?!!


LLLLLLLOOOLL. OH well then I ended the drama by browsing something stupid on internet like... posting on this forum.
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Old 11-16-2015, 05:40 PM
 
Location: Canada
9,568 posts, read 8,964,223 times
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If this was a friend of yours who dated a guy for a blip in time several years ago, what would you say to her?

And have you ever considered seeing a different therapist?
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Old 11-16-2015, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,471 posts, read 46,735,666 times
Reputation: 94872
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
Yeah, I have been goig to therapy, we talked about him but I didn't go to therapy specifically for this matter. It's not worth spending 100$ per session.
You realize it's not about "the guy," right?? It's about how you're dealing with your thoughts about "the guy."

You certainly do need to discuss this and the other guys who were "barely a blip." It's your APPROACH to these problems that needs examining.

Either way, since you like meditation, one thing you can do to get rid of these obsessive thoughts it to practice mindfulness.

So as you go through your day, force yourself NOT to let your mind wander but to think about the actions you are doing at that moment. Notice every little sensory aspect of the activity. If you are washing dishes, think about the water, its temperature, and the soap and its smell, and the feel of the dishes in your hands. Don't look out the window and daydream. Be mindful of where you are and what you are doing at that moment.

It helps you train your mind not to go off where it's not supposed to.
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Old 11-16-2015, 08:11 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,754 posts, read 4,165,397 times
Reputation: 4619
Default Lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by supergirlygirl View Post
LOL. FB ruins lives. Why did you even went back to FB then? Or searched for him then now you have this stupid problem.

I can relate though. I searched my lifetime crush yes LITERALLY. Since we were both 10. I was still single then, it hurts like a biatch OMG, seeing him and his wife and kids which I actually am a bit relieved he got fugly and his wife is fugly too. But it really stings like hell. Knowing he has a life WITHOUT ME!!!!! That can't be!! But alas, that is the harsh reality.

I searched for him again when I got married it still hurts actually just recently while I was looking at his FB page I was cussing at him - why not me? Why are you not with me?!!


LLLLLLLOOOLL. OH well then I ended the drama by browsing something stupid on internet like... posting on this forum.
That is funny. I am the same way too about one certain person. Even though I am with someone way better. It still pisses me off that he dump me. My whole life got better without him, but the brain and the heart do not always connect. Logic gets brushes away by emotions sometime. Glad to know I am not alone on this one. I think there is something more to this. Be open to finding someone better! He was probably just a lesson you needed to learn and life. There are so many people in the word.
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Old 11-16-2015, 08:35 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
8,206 posts, read 5,491,970 times
Reputation: 13975
I'm in the same situation.

Except we never dated....there was nothing formal about it. It was all online. I believe I was more hooked on a fantasy than anything. I've never been that close to a "relationship" before. So it could just be my naivete. For the most part I have moved on. I'm doing what I need to do to be successful in life...but romance has completely fallen from the face of the earth from me. I haven't been romantically interested in anyone in almost three years now.

I don't know if this is how things are suppose to be or if there is something mentally wrong with me. I don't think it's the latter, I feel fine. The memory of how I felt is still very fresh in my mind. I don't know I can't really just let it go. I gave up on trying to figure it out a long time ago. It just stressed me out. So, honestly, I don't really have any solutions. I would just say hope and pray time will help you move on so you don't have to suffer anymore.

I'm sorry that happened to you.
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Old 11-16-2015, 08:38 PM
 
26,323 posts, read 33,313,716 times
Reputation: 23660
As far as the trigger, that is something for the professionals to sort out. I guess the practical thing is to delete and block.
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