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Old 11-16-2015, 08:39 PM
 
35,107 posts, read 42,690,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
I don't understand why you are all telling me to seek professional help when I clearly stated that I am undergoing therapy already?!

Let me clarify, seek professional help from someone who can actually help you. Obviously who you have been seeing is not helping you.
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Old 11-16-2015, 08:41 PM
 
35,107 posts, read 42,690,504 times
Reputation: 62211
Quote:
Originally Posted by supergirlygirl View Post
LOL. FB ruins lives. Why did you even went back to FB then? Or searched for him then now you have this stupid problem.

I can relate though. I searched my lifetime crush yes LITERALLY. Since we were both 10. I was still single then, it hurts like a biatch OMG, seeing him and his wife and kids which I actually am a bit relieved he got fugly and his wife is fugly too. But it really stings like hell. Knowing he has a life WITHOUT ME!!!!! That can't be!! But alas, that is the harsh reality.

I searched for him again when I got married it still hurts actually just recently while I was looking at his FB page I was cussing at him - why not me? Why are you not with me?!!


LLLLLLLOOOLL. OH well then I ended the drama by browsing something stupid on internet like... posting on this forum.

That says a lot about your feelings for your husband....
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Old 11-16-2015, 09:07 PM
 
1,614 posts, read 1,308,119 times
Reputation: 2658
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
I don't understand why you are all telling me to seek professional help when I clearly stated that I am undergoing therapy already?!
How long have you been seeing this therapist? Seems like something is being overlooked by your therapist. Did this guy just disappear off the planet and not say goodby? Had you thought something bad had happened to him and then find out he is fine,fat and happy? Did he just suddenly show up on FB after all these years? Your taking some responsibility for him leaving as he did when it had nothing to do with you. Are you leaving anything out of what your telling us? Just a yes or no will do. I know your suffering but just babbled by what. Its sounding like you have found no closure to your friendship ending and without explanation. This person was important to you but the disappearing was a major loss to you. Do believe the posters are wondering how long this therapist has been working with you and why your not any better. Sometimes a change is needed with a therapist when nothing seems to be working.
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Old 11-16-2015, 09:15 PM
 
1,098 posts, read 1,651,884 times
Reputation: 1369
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
Please, don't make fun of my post or my position because this is a serious question. I wish I weren't feeling this way, but I unfortunately do.


I dated someone rather briefly almost three/two years ago. We "dumped" me by basically ghosting because I was not ready to go as fast as he wanted us two.

I have since moved countries about four times, met new people, found myself a bit more but despite the exciting appearences, I've been thinking of him daily for the past two years. We haven't spoken since he ghosted and I later removed any social media presence I ever had. At this stage, I'm purely a ghost.

The problem is that I reactivated my Facebook after two years and although his profile reads "single", it's crystal clear he's been dating someone. He told me he hated redheads now he's dating one. He seems to be very much into her.

Even though I don't check his Facebook daily, picturing him with her kills me. I literally feel physically sick/nauseous at the thought of him giving her the attention and affection he never gave me. Tears start rolling whenever I see a picture, followed by nausea (for real) and an anxiety attack (really). I can barely breathe.

I have never reacted so strongly to one of my exes dating someone new. I usually don't care because by the time we parted ways, I had already moved on. I never cared about their lives after me. For this one, it is different. I have met plenty of guys since him but nothing panned out. Strong attractions which made me forget about him for a couple of months but none of them lead to anything.

I don't know why I get a physical reaction to an ex dating or liking someone new. This is rather extreme. I've already undergone therapy and I'm always out, having fun, but when I get home at night, it's a different story.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
What was special about the guy that made you feel this way about him? How did he treat you?

Though I'm a guy, I can relate in a way seeing someone I liked completely blow me off and be happy with someone else. Despite your success in life you still feel upset after a few years. Moving on is the hardest part, because at one point you thought he was the one for you but he had other plans. What you thought was the perfect guy in your life has move on. Sad thing about life unfortunately, we can't always have what we want. Doesn't mean you have to settle though.

You will heal, probably longer than most. Just don't allow this loss to make you upset, you'll find someone that will want to be with you. Honestly if someone ghosts on you like that without any rhyme or reason, consider what he could of done behind your back if you were together, his loss.

Best of luck.
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Old 11-16-2015, 10:08 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,754 posts, read 4,162,522 times
Reputation: 4619
Default You girls!!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
I'm in the same situation.

Except we never dated....there was nothing formal about it. It was all online. I believe I was more hooked on a fantasy than anything. I've never been that close to a "relationship" before. So it could just be my naivete. For the most part I have moved on. I'm doing what I need to do to be successful in life...but romance has completely fallen from the face of the earth from me. I haven't been romantically interested in anyone in almost three years now.

I don't know if this is how things are suppose to be or if there is something mentally wrong with me. I don't think it's the latter, I feel fine. The memory of how I felt is still very fresh in my mind. I don't know I can't really just let it go. I gave up on trying to figure it out a long time ago. It just stressed me out. So, honestly, I don't really have any solutions. I would just say hope and pray time will help you move on so you don't have to suffer anymore.

I'm sorry that happened to you.
You got to look at the glass being still 1/2 full after these things happen. Maybe getting dumped and getting my heart broken was the best lesson for me ever because it taught me a few important things I needed to know.

1. NEVER love anyone more then yourself as literally no one will be with you until the end, but yourself.

2. You must know how to take care of yourself independently so if you fall out of a relationship you can always get by on your own.

3. Life goes on.

Even though it sucked getting dumped and getting my heart smashed in to a million pieces. If it happens again I am better prepared because I got my own back and can stand on my own as a person. If I stayed in that relationship I would have totally missed out in so much in life and would likely not know how to cope as an adult on my own. There is no point going out of your way to be alone. Might as well get out there and try to meet someone and do not think too much about it and have fun. If it does not work out ... move on to the next person and try not to take it too seriously. If you meet the ONE then great, if not then what the heck at least you tried.
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Old 11-17-2015, 05:24 AM
 
270 posts, read 245,711 times
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I read the replies, and from your vantage points, there was really great feedback. I think what the OP is trying to describe, and receive feedback on, is advice on the one who moves past your defenses, your reason, even your boundaries, somehow. If it never happened to you, congratulations. If it did, you know what it feels like, and you also know that no amount of good parenting, high-end therapy, or a busy lifestyle will put you on the mend, or even prevent it from happening in the first place. For some reason, the usual breakup and move advice does not really work.

IMO, acceptance is key. Accept it as being part of your life, but don't allow the memory of him stop living the life you would like to live (without him).
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Old 11-17-2015, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Toronto
6,754 posts, read 4,162,522 times
Reputation: 4619
Default I get the idea of accepting ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by skibuddy3 View Post
I read the replies, and from your vantage points, there was really great feedback. I think what the OP is trying to describe, and receive feedback on, is advice on the one who moves past your defenses, your reason, even your boundaries, somehow. If it never happened to you, congratulations. If it did, you know what it feels like, and you also know that no amount of good parenting, high-end therapy, or a busy lifestyle will put you on the mend, or even prevent it from happening in the first place. For some reason, the usual breakup and move advice does not really work.

IMO, acceptance is key. Accept it as being part of your life, but don't allow the memory of him stop living the life you would like to live (without him).
I get the idea of accepting that you may not be able to forget a person in your past way too much, but you can not let this stop you from moving on. I think about this other person every day. I am not likely going to forget to think about them (though I have tried), but at some point I had to move on and I did. The experience has and will always stay with me. I feel based the OP description of their experience I can related. I took me a long time to get past this person and my experiences with them both good and bad. The only thing that helped me was finally starting to fully live again and just letting go of expectations and previous opinions about love, betrayal, loyalty and romance and just roll with the punches. Life is short ... you may never forget this person, but trying to supress the thoughts of them is likely not working. So you might just have to accept that their memory will move on with you, but you still have to move forward. I often thought I was a bit nuts for still thinking about this person in my life even after a crazy long time and being with several other men. I wondered if in my mind they were just symbolic of something and it was not really the person that I was thinking of, but what they symbolized. My thoughts are YOU gave this person power in your life and your are the only one that can take it back from them. Emotional scares are harder to heal them physical ones. I may not have a crystal clear answer to your question, but just know that you are not the only person that has the issue of getting someone from your past out of your mind. Some of us are just like that I guess. Good luck.
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Old 11-17-2015, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Toronto
6,754 posts, read 4,162,522 times
Reputation: 4619
I am wondering if this sentence is the biggest clue to the issue ... " He "dumped" me by basically ghosting because I was not ready to go as fast as he wanted us too". There are men like this. There are women like this. I question if you are harping on a missed opportunity. Thinking how would things have changed if I did decided to more faster with him. Whatever the thing/action that you would move faster on is likely the issue. Not so much the person.
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Old 11-18-2015, 08:32 PM
 
Location: MA
1,622 posts, read 1,421,190 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
I don't understand why you are all telling me to seek professional help when I clearly stated that I am undergoing therapy already?!
You have said though that not about THIS PARTICULAR ISSUE. IN FACT YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T SPEND A DIME ON THIS GUY. This sounds like you are not addressing this issue, but, other issues. Are you understanding this or just being a tad obtuse.
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:11 PM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,904 posts, read 1,400,424 times
Reputation: 3122
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormynh View Post
You have said though that not about THIS PARTICULAR ISSUE. IN FACT YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T SPEND A DIME ON THIS GUY. This sounds like you are not addressing this issue, but, other issues. Are you understanding this or just being a tad obtuse.
What was the point of upping this thread? Did you provide any constructive criticism? No. You're just speaking to me like I'm sort of idiot. The "Are you understanding this?" was unnecessary. I understand and given the extent of you response, this matter is not your business. I can only understand when people are speaking to me in an intelligent manner, not a derogatory one.
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