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Old 11-16-2015, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,904 posts, read 1,401,322 times
Reputation: 3122

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Please, don't make fun of my post or my position because this is a serious question. I wish I weren't feeling this way, but I unfortunately do.


I dated someone rather briefly almost three/two years ago. We "dumped" me by basically ghosting because I was not ready to go as fast as he wanted us two.

I have since moved countries about four times, met new people, found myself a bit more but despite the exciting appearences, I've been thinking of him daily for the past two years. We haven't spoken since he ghosted and I later removed any social media presence I ever had. At this stage, I'm purely a ghost.

The problem is that I reactivated my Facebook after two years and although his profile reads "single", it's crystal clear he's been dating someone. He told me he hated redheads now he's dating one. He seems to be very much into her.

Even though I don't check his Facebook daily, picturing him with her kills me. I literally feel physically sick/nauseous at the thought of him giving her the attention and affection he never gave me. Tears start rolling whenever I see a picture, followed by nausea (for real) and an anxiety attack (really). I can barely breathe.

I have never reacted so strongly to one of my exes dating someone new. I usually don't care because by the time we parted ways, I had already moved on. I never cared about their lives after me. For this one, it is different. I have met plenty of guys since him but nothing panned out. Strong attractions which made me forget about him for a couple of months but none of them lead to anything.

I don't know why I get a physical reaction to an ex dating or liking someone new. This is rather extreme. I've already undergone therapy and I'm always out, having fun, but when I get home at night, it's a different story.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 11-16-2015, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,470 posts, read 46,735,666 times
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You BRIEFLY dated 2-3 years ago? And you've already been to some therapy ... About your feelings about him?
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Old 11-16-2015, 12:38 PM
 
1,287 posts, read 1,023,680 times
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Not sure how you are having such lingering effects from such a brief relationship. What I suggest is a healthy shot of deleting of anything that could trigger any thoughts of him. Purge your world of the reminders. Unfortunately, until you are able to fully sever all ties, you will always have the possibility of him triggering those painful thoughts. Trust me when I tell you that anyone who has experienced this probably wished they severed ties as soon as it ended, instead of hanging on.
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Old 11-16-2015, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,904 posts, read 1,401,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
You BRIEFLY dated 2-3 years ago? And you've already been to some therapy ... About your feelings about him?
No! Not about him! I wouldn't spend a dime on his sorry butt.

I went to therapy for family and childhood issues but we also touched the the "romance" and "friendships" aspects of my life.
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Old 11-16-2015, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,904 posts, read 1,401,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vigueur2014 View Post
Not sure how you are having such lingering effects from such a brief relationship. What I suggest is a healthy shot of deleting of anything that could trigger any thoughts of him. Purge your world of the reminders. Unfortunately, until you are able to fully sever all ties, you will always have the possibility of him triggering those painful thoughts. Trust me when I tell you that anyone who has experienced this probably wished they severed ties as soon as it ended, instead of hanging on.
When I blocked him two yeas ago, I removed everything (texts, emails, pictures). There was nothing left at all. It helped but not enough, clearly.
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Old 11-16-2015, 12:43 PM
 
Location: So Cal
42,853 posts, read 42,229,750 times
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You probably need to see a professional for this. I'm not being mean, I'm just sayin that this, by your accounts, wasn't really a long relationship and was 2 or 3 yrs ago, this level of distress you have doesn't line up properly with the reality of your situation.

Best of luck to you.
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Old 11-16-2015, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,904 posts, read 1,401,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
You probably need to see a professional for this. I'm not being mean, I'm just sayin that this, by your accounts, wasn't really a long relationship and was 2 or 3 yrs ago, this level of distress you have doesn't line up properly with the reality of your situation.

Best of luck to you.
You're not mean! I've been telling myself the same thing for about two years now!

I already am! They told me to block him (which he was for about two years) and get out more (which is something I've always enjoyed. Even moving countries, staying at work until 8pm, going out on weekends, meeting new guys and taking up new hobbies didn't help).

What shocks me is that I really really liked other guys before him, dating someone for an extended period of time but didn't harbor such lingering feelings. It didn't hurt at all when I found out he was engaged. I was actually very happy for him!

The way I feel is very disproportional to the amount of time we spent together. This is really a source of concern for me. I'm a very level headed individual who abides by facts and science, and harboring such intense feelings after all this time makes me believe there is something wrong with me. Never have I let my emotions get the best of me like this. I'm much more of a thinker than a feeler, so this is rather unusual.
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Old 11-16-2015, 12:49 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,470 posts, read 46,735,666 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
No! Not about him! I wouldn't spend a dime on his sorry butt.

I went to therapy for family and childhood issues but we also touched the the "romance" and "friendships" aspects of my life.
You need to go back to get at the root of your anxiety.

As I recall, this isn't the only thread you've had about your anxious feelings.
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Old 11-16-2015, 12:54 PM
 
1,287 posts, read 1,023,680 times
Reputation: 1722
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
When I blocked him two yeas ago, I removed everything (texts, emails, pictures). There was nothing left at all. It helped but not enough, clearly.
I mean to completely block him on Facebook....do you have a good relationship with parents? With your father? I find that whenever a woman has abandonment issues rooted from parents, they have a tendency to hold onto relationships that they lost control....meaning where the guy broke up/especially ghosted with no real explanation....those held lingering emotional ties they never experienced with other relationships.
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Old 11-16-2015, 01:03 PM
 
2,014 posts, read 1,319,368 times
Reputation: 2723
Why does he still have this hold over you several years later after such a brief relationship?

Have you been able to have relationships since him?

I agree that you need to return to therapy to understand why he is still in your mind.

You also need to go back to ignoring his presence. Cut him out of your life completely. Don't look at his FB page or anything like that.
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