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Old 12-19-2015, 10:21 PM
72 posts, read 122,769 times
Reputation: 48


This is probably not the best place to get it from strangers but I am grasping for straws. My SO and I will be separating after the first of the year and eventually divorce. The arguing has been pretty bad lately. He seems to blow up on me for anything I try to discuss. Anyhow, it's inevitable and it becoming a reality. Although it's a bad situation and we have been dealing with his alcoholism for 26 years, it's very hard on me. Not that I want to be in this situation anymore, just the thought of being alone is bothersome. I've been pretty depressed and the uncertainty is really adding to the stress.

I know it's probably not a good time to make big decisions but we will sell the house and I will have to get a new place. We lived in this new area for about 2 1/2 years but I really haven't made but 1 close friend. I like to have a couple close friends but it's been tough finding that here. I have tried getting out and socializing as much as I can but it doesn't go past being acquaintances. I hear this from other people as well. I do like the area and what it has to offer but I am not sure if I should give it more time or try to move someplace else. My 2 grown kids and 2 grandchildren are here so I am not sure I want to leave them. OTOH, I miss where we moved from and I have a few close friends there. I really am the type that needs and likes to be around people. I like a friendly and open area.

I just don't know what to do. My confidence is shot from my situation. I need to pick myself up but I am having a very difficult time doing it. I have adult separation anxiety from all that I've been through and the thought makes me scared as heck! I've never been a dependent person but now I've become very dependent. I won't leave the house unless a family member is with me at all times. I know it's been a burden on them and it causes me guilt.

I've been to counseling and the talking helps but it doesn't change my situation. I can't take meds because I get bad side effects. I just need some direction on what to do. I just want to feel better and live a normal life. I know I need to deal with my issues but I also need to make some quick decisions on a move. I need to be able to find some income also because I have nothing now. It's very overwhelming to say the least.
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Old 12-20-2015, 04:17 PM
4,787 posts, read 9,840,219 times
Reputation: 12675
If a I were you, I would stay put in the same town for the time being. Break your future down into manageable bits.

The actual separation, divorce, selling the house, etc, are only going to increase your stress levels for a while. It's going to get worse before it gets better.

You will need to find a place to live. Try to start figuring out what you may have as assets after the divorce. Don't forget you'll need cash to move. First, last month's rent, security deposit, moving fees, etc. You'll need money for an attorney.

You'll need to figure out how to support yourself. You may get some alimony for a while but it won't likely be permanent. Are you working now? Doesn't sound like it. Do you have work skills, will you need to go back to school for training?

How are you going to move to a different area if you can't leave the house by yourself ? You don't think
your old friends in your old city are going to turn into your caretakers, do you? Work on your problems where you live now.

Before you worry about friendships, you first need to plan to be able to take care of yourself both financially and emotionally. Where you are now at least you have family nearby. Work on yourself, find employment. Save money, then way down the road, maybe you could consider moving. Good luck
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Old 12-20-2015, 06:10 PM
72 posts, read 122,769 times
Reputation: 48
Thank you for the much needed response. I am just very overwhelmed and it's very hard for me to make decisions in this state of mind. I am not working now. I am unable to leave the house unless I have a family member with me. Not to mention, mentally it's seems impossible for me to hold a job with all that I am going through. I'm very foggy and it's hard to concentrate. I do have an Applied Associates degree and I have skills so that's not the issue. The panic attacks are the issue when I try to leave the house by myself. I applied for SSD but was denied all the way to the end. The reason being is because I didn't have the funds to pay for a psychiatrist to stand up for me. I was just going to the local mental health clinic which does not fill forms out for SSD. I have stacks and stacks of records showing my disability but the attorney said that's only part of it. You need to have a doctor to fill out the papers and stand behind you. I got short end of the stick unfortunately

I am just trying to reprogram and change my frame of mind. I am just so messed up in the head from this marriage. It's put a toll on me. The outbursts and sarcasm have really destroyed me. It really hits me every time and puts me in depression. It feels like I've been hit by a Mack truck every time it happens. It has knocked me down so low. I have no self confidence anymore. When I try to speak, I just go blank in the middle of a sentence. I can't think of what I want to say. It's a terrible feeling.
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