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I'm 24 and have been dealing with depression for years. Did the whole klonopin, anti depressants, sleeping pills thing-medicinal appeoach but didn't like how it made me feel. Started to do a little better but was let go of my job due to budget cuts so I decided to move back home and save money for grad school. Now that I've moved back my mom has had a chance to see my depression rear it's ugly head again in person. Over the span of the last year there have been days where I just couldn't get out of bed, self harmed, suicidal thoughts, didn't take care of my self physically, etc. It was then she suggested I go see a therapist.
Over the course of this she constantly gets angry with me because I have "pity parties". I'm not sure if I do or not. When I hit a road block I tend to just completely shut down. All the negative thoughts about myself, pretty much just self loathing just resurfaces and I tell myself I'm not good enough so why bother with things because I can't do it because I'm not good enough. So when she hears this she says, "yes because you're fat, you're poor, you're stupid, etc". I'm not any of those things but she says she tells me that so I can hear how absurd I am when I think such negative things about myself, but honestly that just hurts my feelings even more though I know she's not being malicious. This in turn makes me think I'm just being dramatic. I mean, am I? Also she was yelling at me today saying I'm not an adult because when things get hard I shut down and tell myself I can't do it. I try to tell her that I can't help that I don't have that fight in me like "adults," are supposed to have-trust me if I did I would much rather be happy fighting for the things I want instead of sitting here miserable hating myself for it. On the other hand I'm starting to think that she is right...
Also, she is constantly telling me how my depression is making her depressed. Today she yelled at me and said how I'm not the only one going through something and how everyone gets depressed. So now I'm feeling like I'm being selfish and self absorbed for nor worrying about her.
I'm not sure what I'm really getting at with post lol. Maybe just needed to vent. I guess I'm just wondering have any of the rest of you dealt with depression and your family not really understanding? How did you deal with that? Also, am I being dramatic, not acting like an adult, and being selfish ?
I'm 24 and have been dealing with depression for years. Did the whole klonopin, anti depressants, sleeping pills thing-medicinal appeoach but didn't like how it made me feel. Started to do a little better but was let go of my job due to budget cuts so I decided to move back home and save money for grad school. Now that I've moved back my mom has had a chance to see my depression rear it's ugly head again in person. Over the span of the last year there have been days where I just couldn't get out of bed, self harmed, suicidal thoughts, didn't take care of my self physically, etc. It was then she suggested I go see a therapist.
Over the course of this she constantly gets angry with me because I have "pity parties". I'm not sure if I do or not. When I hit a road block I tend to just completely shut down. All the negative thoughts about myself, pretty much just self loathing just resurfaces and I tell myself I'm not good enough so why bother with things because I can't do it because I'm not good enough. So when she hears this she says, "yes because you're fat, you're poor, you're stupid, etc". I'm not any of those things but she says she tells me that so I can hear how absurd I am when I think such negative things about myself, but honestly that just hurts my feelings even more though I know she's not being malicious. This in turn makes me think I'm just being dramatic. I mean, am I? Also she was yelling at me today saying I'm not an adult because when things get hard I shut down and tell myself I can't do it. I try to tell her that I can't help that I don't have that fight in me like "adults," are supposed to have-trust me if I did I would much rather be happy fighting for the things I want instead of sitting here miserable hating myself for it. On the other hand I'm starting to think that she is right...
Also, she is constantly telling me how my depression is making her depressed. Today she yelled at me and said how I'm not the only one going through something and how everyone gets depressed. So now I'm feeling like I'm being selfish and self absorbed for nor worrying about her.
I'm not sure what I'm really getting at with post lol. Maybe just needed to vent. I guess I'm just wondering have any of the rest of you dealt with depression and your family not really understanding? How did you deal with that? Also, am I being dramatic, not acting like an adult, and being selfish ?
Thanks!
How did it make you feel? Worse than depression?
Are you employed?
I have always chosen to not live with my family for many of the reasons you bring up.
The "couldn't get out of bed, self harmed, suicidal thoughts" is serious.
I never experienced depression until my late 40's. I always assumed that when someone said they were depressed they meant 'sad'. When I became depressed - I understood - it is very different from being sad.
Luckily I did not have suicidal thoughts. I was a single mom and was forced to work, clean house, go shopping, cook meals, etc. I didn't have the option of not getting out of bed.
I too tried the anti-depressant meds and they didn't seem to help me much but I have seen them do wonders for others. What did help me was getting out of bed and realizing that MY actions were the key to my getting better.
It sounds like you are seriously depressed. I encourage you to go see a good psychiatrist. If one medicine doesn't work - try another. Also, get some exercise, get out of the house, go to school, take some classes, visit with friends, ANYTHING but stay in your bed.
^Yes. Get help. While you don't want to hear it, the fact remains that your depression does indeed affect the people around, ESPECIALLY your mother. It is not possible for you to fathom how painful it is to watch the child you love self-destruct and know all that love isn't enough to fix what's wrong.
Getting on your case is not helpful, of course. What she needs to do is detach from you--put some emotional space between you and her. And she could use a therapist to learn to do that and take better care of herself.
But meanwhile...you do need to talk to a professional, someone who can evaluate you objectively and determine where the work is that needs to be done. Just do it. You are no different from thousands of others who feel exactly as you do, and there's something that can be done about it. Good luck.
Drugs...anti-depressants, and such, can help...but you NEED therapy, too...You have to talk it out...with a professional.
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