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I'm pretty sure I've seen every episode in the first six seasons of "Hoarders", except the animal hoarding, I just can't bear to watch it. The question I always ask myself is:
Why does the spouse stay? Why doesn't the spouse leave and find someone else who isn't messed up?
I can't watch those shows anymore, hard to believe people can let their lives get this way. I forever have a large bag going for goodwill. Many are trapped too, I guess. Also, believe it's an insecurity and fear of letting go. I have no problem with letting things go. We can't take them with us and how much do our children really want?
Hoarding runs in my family too. I am the only one well acquainted with a black garbage bag. I think hoarders mainly don't see the mess they are living in. It doesn't look like a mess to them. My sister is a hoarder. I had helped her clean out her bedroom in 2007. It took me 8 pickup truck loads to donate...and one fully stuffed cargo bed of actual trash. This is with a pickup truck with a shell. Even then, her bedroom had too much left in it.
I'm pretty sure I've seen every episode in the first six seasons of "Hoarders", except the animal hoarding, I just can't bear to watch it. The question I always ask myself is:
Why does the spouse stay? Why doesn't the spouse leave and find someone else who isn't messed up?
What's your take on it?
Because they actually live the vow "till death do us part?" That is one of the biggies a spouse promises when walking down the aisle.
I always jokingly say my sons better hope their dad dies first, or else within several years our house will be on the Hoarders.
My husband has a difficult time parting with things. I know he knows that I get rid of a lot of his stuff behind his back. He has never noticed or said anything about things that are not here anymore. I jump for joy when I know he will be away for a week. I greet the Trash men with a box of homemade cookies on those times he is away for trash day because I always have a large amount of stuff on the curb.
Oh yes Scooby I did say "till death do us part" but I did not put in the vows I would not throw away his stuff.
My question is not "why does the spouse stay?" as it is more why aren't they throwing the stuff away? Gosh if they took a few boxes out every trash day the person would not notice.
I will never get the hoarding of garbage. That is just disgusting.
My MIL is a hoarder. I think when you live with someone who has a problem like that, it doesn't seem abnormal to you after a while. My husband never realized that his mom was a hoarder. We're talking about a woman who has an entire bedroom dedicated to "storage", along with a garage full of junk. You can only squeeze through a narrow aisle in either room. Her bedroom is stacked with stuff to the ceiling, and her dining room is full too. Her pantry and kitchen cupboards are full of food she will never cook and pans and appliances she will never use, because then they wouldn't be new anymore. She has mixers and toasters from the past four decades still in their original packaging. She is aware of every single item she owns, down to the smallest piece of junk, and she's very afraid that someone will take her stuff, either by accident or on purpose. It would be impossible to throw out her stuff while she was still alive. Sometimes she will give me something (last time it was my husband's childhood underwear so that my daughters could use it...a bunch of old yellow tighty-whities so old that the elastic had completely rotted out, but they were "expensive and still good") and I throw out whatever she gives me as soon as I get home.
My husband has a little tendency toward hoarding. He won't get rid of any magazines when he's done reading them, and he saves brand-new pairs of shoes forever because he doesn't want to ruin them by wearing them. But those are the only things he collects. He used to be terrible about wanting to save paperwork until I took over paying the bills and went paperless on everything. I tell him he can keep whatever he wants but he has to store it in the garage, in his half of the garage. Then I bought him a pool table for his half of the garage to discourage him from storing junk there, and so far that has worked.
My question is not "why does the spouse stay?" as it is more why aren't they throwing the stuff away? Gosh if they took a few boxes out every trash day the person would not notice.
Except the hoarders do notice, which creates anxiety and the need to go out to acquire more objects for their hoard.
Hoarders quite often have rationales for their excessive storage of things. Our ex-tenant told people for years she was buying supplies to start her own florist business. Well, ok, but when? 17 years later she was still feverishly buying at the dollar store. When they moved out of our rental (well, actually they were evicted) she sat on her ample backside all day long while her husband did the loading of the truck. They still left rooms full of junk behind.
As for marriage vows, if your spouse is (deliberately or not) pushing you away by building walls of junk and filling rooms full of stuff, and they refuse to get treatment, they've already broken their vows. Everyone is entitled to a clean uncluttered place to live. No one has the right to take that away from you.
Gosh if they took a few boxes out every trash day the person would not notice.
This is the weirdest thing about hoarders. They know. I have myself witnessed it in two separate cases close to me. Somebody messing with their treasures is a major source of anxiety and can cause rage. In one case it was canned goods... as a hungry teen I opened a can of chili I did not think would be missed... gleaned from the rear of "the mountain"... good grief did I learn my lesson
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That is one of the biggies a spouse promises when walking down the aisle.
