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My wife is well documented with Type 1 Bipolar. She has been hospitalized several times, and life with her can be challenging (I posted a little while ago here during a particularly difficult time //www.city-data.com/forum/menta...-my-wifes.html)
Anyway, we re-started marriage counseling with a new counselor yesterday. The catalyst was she threatened suicide if I went on a business trip. When I described the difficulties and and problems in our relationship from my perspective, the counselor asked if she had ever been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She hadn't, but usually her previous treatments had focused on her acute bipolar crises.
Today she is very angry and feels like I and the counselor are picking on her faults, instead of fairly looking at all my faults as well. She is saying she won't go back to counseling. Honestly, from my newly-gained knowledge, that seems like a very BPD thing to do.
Now I do have my faults as well, but I was shocked at how much the symptoms fit her. She says that she only has those symptoms when she is recovering from bipolar episodes, and she hasn't received an official diagnosis. And It's fair to say that they are worse at times, and better at others. But looking back, these behaviors have been a pattern for a long time.
With that said, I have a few questions:
Has anyone improved a relationship with someone who suffers from borderline?
What did you do on your part?
How long did it take?
Was that person resistant to change, or did they want to change?
The suicide threat when you went away and the quitting therapy and feeling picked on do feel very BPD. Its a hard disorder to treat. And the person has to really, really want it. Its intensive...maybe 3 sessions a week for years. Look into DBT.
I looked at your posts...looks like you do. Stay in therapy with out your wife. You need help navigating this, esp with your daughter at stake.
Women with BPD will some times try to annihilate their daughters in the teen years (emotionally, socially, sexually or physically)
Yes, we have kids. The conflicts with my daughter make more sense now. I wouldn't say she's trying to annihilate her, but she assumes that normal teenage behavior is personally directed toward her, and reacts in a way that a healthy mother wouldn't.
I also started our daughter in therapy two weeks ago. I'm going to go to therapy, whether my wife does or not. There is good in her too, but we need to make sure any harmful behavior is minimized.
There is good in everyone. My dad was addicted to my BPD mom. He just couldn't see what she was really like. Even years after divorce, he is still oddly in love with her. Men that fall in love with BPD women are often struggling with their own "junk". I am glad you are going to stay in therapy. I hope you find it helpful
There is good in everyone. My dad was addicted to my BPD mom. He just couldn't see what she was really like. Even years after divorce, he is still oddly in love with her. Men that fall in love with BPD women are often struggling with their own "junk". I am glad you are going to stay in therapy. I hope you find it helpful
Could I ask if your mother recognized her issues and tried to improve or if she denied them? How harmful do you feel living with your mother was? Of course, only answer as much as you feel comfortable.
Her latest comment was that "everyone tries to give me new diagnoses, like it's a joke to them or something," and she is searching for evidence she doesn't have it. I wish she would at least be open to seeing if she can develop strategies to overcoming negative patterns. My biggest concern is she will refuse to go to any sort of therapy to change any patterns.
Again she hasn't had a diagnosis, and now I don't think she would be open to getting one. My personal feeling is that mental illnesses aren't clean-cut, like diagnosing someone with the flu. I feel like there is a broad spectrum with a lot of overlap of symptoms.
Could I ask if your mother recognized her issues and tried to improve or if she denied them? How harmful do you feel living with your mother was? Of course, only answer as much as you feel comfortable.
Her latest comment was that "everyone tries to give me new diagnoses, like it's a joke to them or something," and she is searching for evidence she doesn't have it. I wish she would at least be open to seeing if she can develop strategies to overcoming negative patterns. My biggest concern is she will refuse to go to any sort of therapy to change any patterns.
Again she hasn't had a diagnosis, and now I don't think she would be open to getting one. My personal feeling is that mental illnesses aren't clean-cut, like diagnosing someone with the flu. I feel like there is a broad spectrum with a lot of overlap of symptoms.
She denied it...to the point of saying everyone else around her had BPD. If a doctor brought it up, she would get up and storm out. She was first diagnosed when she was 19 so it was known. But she denied it.
Hi coolcats - I'm sorry of your situation and I am impressed what a good husband you are. I don't have experience that is helpful, but I did read this memoir: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159...ilpage_o02_s00
It is written by a mom with bpd. She was successfully treated somewhat and had the disorder for years before being dx'ed properly. She was self aware and that helped tremendously. She also didn't want to harm her children emotionally so she put the work in. Her husband was very loyal as well. There might be better ones to read; my former bf's ex-wife recommended this one to me.
I was involved with a cluster B man so I did a lot of reading since I could not make sense of our relationship at all. My last bf was bipolar so did a lot of reading on that as well. That is why I'm noticed your posts I guess. I'm not married to them though, huge dif. My sister was horribly mentally ill so I tend to try not to write off ppl immediately due to illnesses many don't understand or tolerate.
My bipolar bf was very self aware and healthier than a lot of non bipolar men I've known - and very mature for his age. I think if you wife is self aware the struggle might go more smoothly.
There is a poster around here who "recovered" from bpd. They give great insightful information. I hope they see your thread.
I wish you and your family all the best.
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